The Laziness Strikes Back

So as you've probably seen the past week I've been skipping a lot of posts. Well that wasn't just from not having anything to talk about but just because I didn't feel like it. I've been a lot more tired this week then normal. My biggest loss is that I've been behind on weight lifting and an art project I was supposed to have done a couple weeks ago. I was going to do it over the break but was too busy sleeping and hanging with friends. I'm going to try to kickstart action tomorrow though. Tonight I'm too tired to do anything except brush my teeth and piss before I go to sleep. Tired. Tired. Tired. That's what it gets down to. How tired I am. But tomorrow I'm going to try to start being active again. my body is starting to go back to being fat again. That's not good. I'm becoming the slob I was last year.

My Emotions, They Hurt

I really have started to hate what love is. Love is joy, but it's also pain. Everything is double sided like that, there's a negative and a positive, but love is strong for me. It's also a very common theme in movies. I'm watching a Martial Arts movie, A MARTIAL ARTS MOVIE, and it's there. I'll be sitting there and start thinking. Like I was watching Blade of Kings it said that what love means is that you will serve the one you love. And I mean that is what it is. With Blue all I can think of doing is making her happy. Her being happy is all that I can think of. But it hurts because, all I ever want to do is shower her in compliments and tell her I love her. I did that once. She didn't exactly enjoy it. She told me to stop complimenting because she didn't like being modest. She's just on my mind all night, I go to sleep dreaming of her. Just holding her in my arms. But she's probably never going to be mine. I can't even trust myself giving her advice sometimes, just because I may give her ill advised advice just to further myself. I was thinking of giving her it before, and I almost slapped myself for it. I'm just tempted to tell her I love her when I talk to her on facebook, when I see her in person, when she's offline so she has a pleasant message to get online to. But I don't. The restraint kills me though. It creates a distraction for me too. I'll be talking to her and can't say the right thing because I'm too busy thinking "I love you". My mind just goes blank and I get smug faced. Honestly, I want to go through and take every picture that she's in and make a powerpoint out of it. Make a little message on each of them and have it ordered by my favorite pictures. Her most beautiful smiles. How much they make me want her more. It's not greed though. Greed means I put myself first. When I say want, I mean I want her affection the same way I've given mine to her. I could care less about what I want though, as long as she's happy.

What A Surprise, Late Again

So this week's been a mixture of me being truent with this blog so I'd like to apologize. Especially since I don't have a post for today/yesterday either.

Does Money Really Mean Happiness?

So my brother had his own time at a mental hospital and when coming back from it he's been much lazier. The stay itself led to him going to therapy weekly and family therapy bi-weekly. Well I know he's getting his thoughts sorted out, even though he's been sleeping a lot and not doing much work. I'm the only one he normally listens to though, I don't know if it's because of closeness or just because I'm the only respectable thing in this shithole called home. I realized something, quite recently too, my parents are too materialistic and think spending money solves things. When sitting in therapy they'd just make excuses for their shortcomings which led to me sitting there the whole time rolling my eyes and thinking my being there was a waste of time. Well it was, and I honestly refuse to go back. My mom's excuse for not doing any work and being a self-centered, stubborn, bitch is that it's because she shouldn't have to take care of anyone else but herself. She said that she decided she'd only focus on herself so she doesn't have to clean, doesn't have to do the dishes, doesn't have to cook. It's not like we ever asked her to do anything. I ask her to do the dishes but that's because that's my least favorite chore to do, and it was never my job in the first place. But she's the only one to complain about messes. She acts like we ask her to be the fucking maid and clean up all of our messes. FUCK NO! I'm responsible for myself, and I have to be the grown up in the house. My dad tells me to clean up his messes, my mom tells me to clean up her messes, I have to clean up my brother's messes too because he pins them on me. Then my dad, he doesn't do shit. He says that it's because his work station is always being messed up by people and people don't give him the mail. No, he has a messy work station but that's his fault. And the mail? He's always the first to skim through it and see it. All they ever do is make excuses for not doing anything. They aren't even valid excuses either. My mom should do the dishes because she's always hounding me to cook her food. My mom should do some type of laundry because she's always telling me to do hers. She's just being a dumb bitch. Atleast my brother admits he won't do anything. I don't have to excuse me being lazy. I don't act lazy that much, I'm the one doing the work. And that's accepted but as my mom delves deeper into her self-centeredness me asking her to do stuff gets answered with a no more often. But back to the question at hand, "Does Money Really Mean Happiness?" Honestly I don't think it does but it seems my parents think  it does. They think it solves everything. My dad was behind on taxes and my mom wanted to buy an accountant. We're paying some stranger to help us talk to each other. When they don't have food that's been cooked and I'm not cooking my mom doesn't cook, no she orders something. Sometimes they don't even talk to me about it and just order food. So I decided, if I have to put up with this retarded crap all the time, me saying no to do something is going to just have to be dealt with. My dad and Mom have stuff they refuse to do, well I refuse to sit through family counseling and listen to bullshit excuses for everything. For once this isn't me being a cynical bastard. It's fucked up when the youngest in the family has to be the adult too.

Derpa Derper

So derpa derpa derpa derper I'm not in the mood to talk today. Yet again. Atleast my posts are still punctual right?

Not Wanting To Talk

So I'm not much in the mood to talk about shit. Don't have much to talk about anyways. But I did go on Omegle, and a game of Truth or Dare evolved into a 3 hour long conversation about spiritualism. I kinda lectured, not the best thing to do. But I got a new friend on Skype, isn't that nice.

Ahh...Family

So I got to see a part of my family I see about two or three times a year today. They live about 4 hours away so seeing them is something I can't just blow off like I normally do. My little cousin is the funny one there. Kept talking to me about his pocket knife he got for Easter and how his brother's was bigger. Sad thing though, cause his brother is gay. I don't have a problem with people being gay. I have a problem with things going to waste. And my cousin is a drama kid, not some kid you see whittling with his pocket knife. Then my other cousin was there, and she was wearing makeup. I really don't understand why girls in middleschool and highschool need to wear makeup. They aren't old enough where the looks will deteriorate so why the fuck are they wearing makeup? I sat there in the pizza place, not Pizza Hut or Dominoes but a fancy smancy one, gloving a bit to show my cousins. The youngest one was awed and interested by them. On the way out a lady at another table commented on them to me too.