On a mission to, Desensitize, These feral minds, On their pharaoh grinds
Lemme sanitize, Renew your light, Proceed to mind, Only leisure time
Just chillaxing, relaxing, and playing
A game that I'm not real aware I was playing
You'll feel what I'm saying as I'm saying
That I'm down in the dirt but I'm clean
Married to life with no ring
Left puffing on a tree that went out about a week
It's like Hanukkah, the high's still here
Say hi to my peers, wave bye to my tears
Act like I'm sleeping and forget my fears
Where is it that I am going with this?
Am I gonna be a great? Or just shit
Gonna be an engineer or a kid
Get a wife or a bitch
Or just move on with it

Pursuant to succeed

This path is up to me

An artist at best but a fucker for now
A vulgar little monster with a broken crown
It's B LAZ E, the blasted bastard
Castrated monkey with a feeling of master
Cause I found the keys to his cage, But i'M raging
You didn't get what you want?
Not responsible for your cravings
Now you feel what I'm saying?
I'm tryna trailblaze but the engine's a stutter
You can't hear what I'm saying
I might as well mutter
As you gobble down the butter
Control's a dish best served cold
Society's a consumer that likes it old
Fuck tradition, as I fill my prescription
Live a little bit before I seek redemption
But you players stuck focused on consumption
While Me? I'm stuck focused on a message
Third eye's a blessing
Got a bowl full of resin
Made some mistakes so far but I learned my lesson
I took my tests
Passed them on the fly
In This system I seek to defy
As I defile your mind, and I get on my grind
Will I make it on time?

Pursuant to succeed

This life is up to me

A kid in man's shoes but a sheep in wolf's clothing
I'm still on the prowl as I'm busy growing
Gotta realize,awaken to the real life
As I patronize, those that use to patronize
Dad's dead, mom's fake, and brother's still here
Got the wolf pack behind me howling in my ear
I guess I got nothing left to fear
With the future on lock, I'm at the bottom of a rut
Love lost , fucking stuck, and actually kinda drunk
Gonna grow up, fucking stuck and acting like a punk
No love for my mom, no grave yard visit
Any family time is turned down cause I'm fucking busy
I'm left feeling unsatisfied
Is it right that I waited so long to cry
Life's got me stuck on a grind, no time
Free time's feeling fake as I make the next line
As I write the next paper, pity the next mind
Leave myself behind as I question suicide
I never got the answer so the future's not clear
But if my guess is right I'll still stand here

Gonna live love learn
Gotta work hard to earn
This life that should be up to me
This path that I'm walking to be free
Gonna live love learn
Gotta work hard to earn
This life that should be up to me
This path that I'm walking to be free

Gonna live love learn
Gotta work hard to earn
This life that should be up to me
This path that I'm walking to be free

Gonna live love learn
Gotta work hard to earn
This life that should be up to me
This path that I'm walking to be free

*trailing off*

Down and Out instrumental

An amalgamate
Stuck to masturbate and resuscitate
The master race
Nazi's at their finest
But no bodies buying
Call me legion
An unnatural force of nature
I'm slowly getting greater
The rewards are getting worse
But the taste is getting sweeter
Bodies piling by the meter
Shit is off the scale
As the bulls start to be the feeder
Pass a bowl of the finest
As I watch the world divided
Call me conqueror
 this hymn will be recited
A general to the masses as I amass their opinion
Anarchy's law as we take a bath in sin
Someone step up to bat as I take the first swing
Hit a home run but come in sliding
Catch the pitch, it's a walk
Why? Cause I said so
This bastard's the new master, and he holds your soul
Getting tired of beef but he killed the fucking bull
Blame it on the hormones
Made me rotten to the bone
In the zone, home alone, rooftop room is where I grow
Growing mold, on my dome, and mildew on my skull
As I slowly grow old, do less of what I'm told
I'm on my peter pan shit while you out there robbin
People need a life and I need a coffin
Why you think I smoke so much
Talk so much, crack a dutch
Roll it up and light it
Make it a real tight one
I come as god's son, the descendant of power
Slowly getting strong every hour after hour
But the seconds get longer, they become a minute
Wait a minute, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to wait on me
As I slowly catch up to the front of the pack
Just to get on my knees and break their knee caps
Cause I'm back, but nothing's set ahead
No GPS or bodies filled with lead
Just a flicker of hope, as bright as my lighter
I'm not just a lover, I'm a fighter

Child's Play

Check me on the serial or catch me on the dank
Find me all relaxed as I stroll off the plank
I can Go for a swim but first I do a triple flip
More Money to be made off of some sick shit

I'm a hippy with a plan
Hippy and the man
Hippy with a plan
Hippy and the man
Get active

Boy tonight we chilling as my boy pass me the chillum
Right now we talking deep but later we'll be children
Can't tell what's more broken, the bowl or this theme
Or the goods I broke down with my motherfucking team
Puffing OG, girl scouts, and little bit of lemon
Cloudy like blue dream but all I see is heaven
It's the Child of the Tree, The Indigo Hippy
The master blaster and the permanent trippy
Take a little sip of the smoke and the sniffy
A hit of the dank as I ready up the spliffy
Sit back, relax, hang around, we chilling
Nothing on tonight but acting like children

I'm a hippy with a plan
Hippy and the man
Hippy with a plan
Hippy and the man
Get active

The mind's getting broken like humpty dumpty
Tape it all together and pick up a little money
Who knows maybe I'll score me some honeys
Or a brand new bottle of the best P's
Starting to live lively, Puffing on the best tree
So high I can't see, Probably be a nazi
Mac said it before me, but I heil my friends daily
Swastikas and stars as I gas bitches lately
Cooking like the dutch as I'm silent but deadly
Assassin to the game with the bass super heavy
It's a trophy catch, with a little flip flop
Gonna roast it later, no time left to clock

Just a Habit

It's interesting how habitual a person can be. I chain vape a vaporizer not for the flavor or the absence of nicotine, but because I used to smoke whenever I was bored or depressed. I feel depressed this time of year because I always felt depressed this time of year since 8th grade. I don't even know why, it's just something that happens. I'm not feeling lonely, I've accepted my situation and decided on my own there's a reason I'm always single and in all honesty I doubt I really need that special someone to also hold me as that. However, there's nothing scarier than being clear minded and thinking about suicide just because life right now is boring. Life right now doesn't even feel like life. Things are seeming to kick off in a way, I finished my work on my mixtape that I'm finally going to make, Alan's In Wonderland. I just need to get some beats made for 6 or 7 of the songs, as well as record all 10. I'm starting to get my prelim sketches made for my t-shirt designs. I've even found a camera and setup an area to create gloving videos, meaning I also need to practice gloving and do constant gloving to the same song on repeat. Science fair for the most part is done too. I just need to go to states in a few weeks, and after that we're going to continue the project with the end goal of writing and publishing a paper on our research, which'll help put at least state colleges on lock if I apply to them, under the assumption I'd just spend my years there doing research under them or something. I gotta say I'd enjoy that life but it's not the most rewarding. Any revenue from the research goes to the institution, I'd only get reputation, and then go on to work for a company where whatever research I get done I don't even know what it's really for. Members of the scientific community don't normally get that much money. Money doesn't normally matter but I don't want to be dependent on a benefactor for my life either. I always had it thought out. If I don't make it as a rapper or an artist of any type I'd go to college and get a degree in chemistry, biochemistry, chemical engineering, something along those lines. Following my research years in college and hopefully the obtaining a PhD I'd go on to work in medicine and the industry of consumables. To be more specific, developing designer drugs and brewing techniques. There was also intent to create other consumables such as creating extracts to make e-juice with or anything related to cooking in general. Get a company that way, I don't know anything about most of those things though. I know how most drugs work, not how development works though. After whatever career I manage in the scientific field I'd retire as a teacher at a college, or maybe a high school, preferably a college. Or maybe by that time I'd have a set of recipes compiled in my head and can get a license and start a food truck. Back to the subject though. It's 1 in the morning, I just finished having fun, then I start watching world's greatest dad. When I see him find his son's body I just think about what it'd be like if I chose to hang myself, or slit my wrists, or anything of the like. I know my mother would freak the fuck out, that'd be the second loss in less than a year. My brother would be mortified, sometimes I feel like I'm one of his only hopes but he's grown distant lately. My friends wouldn't be surprised, considering my past of depression and my tendency to do whatever I care to, with total apathy at this point. On that point though, the friends I know on a personal level, the ones that I'd allow to refer to me with an affectionate or even pet my head, maybe they'd freak out. I know I'd leave an impact but not the biggest crater. Just the fact that I considered what it'd be like to die though. I think it'd be interesting, for the most part it wouldn't be as boring as this plane has been for the past few months. I'm swamped at Gov School, even if I get on top of my work. I'm risking getting kicked out again because I decided to blow off work in a class that a lot of people consider a joke. I should care, but I don't. Again, to let it sink in, I SHOULD CARE, BUT I DON'T. If I get kicked out I'll have more time to put into other pursuits, but I'm not confident in anything to do with it. Staying in Gov School for the most part will be rewarding as I see the crush everyday, one of the only reasons I even put in an effort to stay now, and that paper. That's a me move right there. I want to make a mark and then disappear. Of course I don't know how easy that'd be. This confidence that everything is as benefiting as it is damaging is as calming on me as it is reassuring that apathy is the best path. However, everyday I feel more and more sociopathic as a result, and to accompany it the lack of caring has led to me to be a broody, whiny, asswipe. The lack of caring has led to contemplation of things I refused to do before, and now having the answer be what's the harm? Why should I care what I give up if I"m going to get something equal in return? Even if it's my life, death is supposed to be just another trial, the door to the next step in transcendence, a way for me to advance to a new level of consciousness and ability. Death isn't something to be scared of, maybe I'd see my dad. I never got to say thank you to him anyways. He may have been a shit head but he worked as a buffer between my mom and me. Deep down I'm sure he cared a lot, just didn't know how to show it. The thing is though, I'm the most familiar with his malicious side. The only way I could see him now is if I were to do an out of body, and I wouldn't want to see him. Last time I saw him I was scared he wanted my body, and I'd be just as scared if it happened again. Me inducing death would be just as bad. My dad'll just have to wait for me to have that talk with him, hopefully it'll take awhile.

I find myself gradually growing more scared of how these next few months are going to occur. With the way my romantic history has played out, I'm not pursuant of people as much as I used to be. However, as of the last few months, I've been head over heels for three girls in particular. Already informed two of them and the third one I have a why bother attitude because her dad's the overbearing type. She's not even the subject of my attention most of the time though. It's a pretty amazing circumstance in my opinion. One girl I see everyday because she's in all of my college level classes. The other two are alternating because of the way my school's schedule is set up, then again I believe most highschools have alternating schedules. The girl I see everyday, she's why I'm worried about myself. There are some major differences but overall I keep comparing her to Blue. She inexplicably reminds me of Blue in a way that has been appearing detrimental to my own mind state. A lot of the time I even question my standing relationship with her. We're lab partners, as well as pseudo friends. In fact, she's one of the few friends I've made that don't go to the same school as me. But there have been times that I feel she's annoyed with me often but prefers not to show it. On a daily basis I avoid the constant need to talk to her online because of how whiny and needy I can be, and the few times I do one on one I normally blab my ass off. In person I'm normally nervous as fuck because she's the one "target" I have where I don't have a pre-existing standing with one of her friends, so I end up making stupid comments and laughing retardedly. As for signs of her constantly being annoyed with me but not wanting to show it, take this weekend for example. We went to science fair, won our category by the way, and I started talking about how I was about to pass out and the way she responded struck me as, shut up and stop whining. Of course, I was exhausted despite my caffeine levels, and I have a low self-esteem around her in the first place. I honestly don't know what to think. She's a sweet girl. SWEET AS FUCK. Whatever happens though the summer's going to be a bitch because I doubt she and I will interact at all, except maybe the occasional comment on each other's posts. Fuck the internet though. I think she has a boyfriend or something synonymous to it right now anyways. Nothing worse than being jealous of someone you've never even met.

I understand Gambino's infatuation with Asian girls now.

Wasted Potential

Wasted Potential

Wasted POTENTIAL

WASTED POTENTIAL

Throw a tantrum, fuck the tassle
Fuck the hassle, fuck the stress
Fuck the fuck this fuck my mess
Get a handle on it, this baby's gotta eat
Breakfast lunch and dinner with snacks in between
Pop it, Lock it, Throw it in your bucket
Live it, Love it, drunk like I'm fucking
Too busy vomiting to know what I'm slugging
Loving, Hugging, Sleeping in a pool
No bathing suit nor am I in the nude
No bitch don't you tell me what to do
Don't know me so that shit's fucking rude
Leave it, Drop it, Put it in your pocket
Leave a little know to tell you to fuck it
Shut it, Plug it, Before I shove it
Really lady you don't know nothing

Wasted Potential

Wasted POTENTIAL

WASTED POTENTIAL

Popped a cap, Popped a tab
Snort a line, Eat my cash
Drip a sip, Hit a lick
Shots fired as I bullshit
The race begins, blanks in the air
Stuck behind, catch the fear
Dank's a dish best served hot
Hot boy shit with the veins all popped
Sweating, sweating, blanking, blinking
Teething, fleeing, flaking, shaking
Tranquilized and demonized
Blissful thoughts as I roll the dice
Blank slate soldier, cut the ties
Snake's in the grass Surprise
Eye contact for sure but they sure fill you full of lies
I guess I better try, I'll work out a good deal
Take a break for now, but I still ain't got my fill
Make my move later, right now I'm in checkmate
Give me a year, I'll be somewhere at this rate

Wasted Potential

Wasted POTENTIAL

WASTED POTENTIAL

Pass the blunt, Pass the hash
Hit the pipe, your turn to cash
Fore the bitch comes knocking at the door
I want more hits before I snore
This shit is such a bore, She's lying to her core
She says she knows what's best, I don't want to hear no more
She tells me go to school, do well, and go to college
I say why waste my time, it's not gonna equal profit
I'd rather sit here working on my Go Hard grind
They say I'm collegebound but I say that this is fine
I'm wasted potential, I'm not detrimental
Spit my thoughts out on this mental
Like I just chugged down a handle
And a case or keg of beer, Get me up out of here
Gotta get to going as I slowly die from fear
A strong man sheds his tears, But the weaker man would laugh
A great man doesn't waver, so I guess here to stand
Wasted potential and I just polished my medal
I'm gonna keep going, fuck debating, I won't settle

To Go Hard(Instrumental) by DJAY U4RIA