Dignity Isn't Always Everything

So lately I've been having conversations with a good friend about relationships, mostly about his situation with his special friend and my lack of anything with a certain someone. To me, one of the biggest things is balance in a relationship. Whether it's a romantic or we're friends there always has to be a balance. The give and take has to be fair, and no one person is the one in charge or in control. Taking turns initiating, conversations being about both people and not just one, that type of crap. That type of crap is also one of the things that I see as an obstacle right now because I still seek balance, but am starting to have trouble resisting the temptation of upsetting that balance. As I've said before, I had myself get blocked for my own good and so as to leave her/him/it alone. Prior to that I'd been the one initiating every conversation, and following being blocked for awhile I thought about hitting schlim up on another account, but that thought eventually faded. Of course, it returned later but it wasn't me that put the thought in my head. My other friend? Well he's getting somewhere, or atleast further than I, and he told me I should hit Blue up, talk about whatever news there might be in our personal lives, a blah blah blah. That kickstarted it, and the sad thing is I can hit her/him/it up. It's too easy, but I shouldn't. I need to leave it to schlim to hit me up so that at least I know I'm wanted in some way, or at least giving her the space she deserves. I asked her to block me, what type of person would that make me if I was the one that broke the silence. That's where the title comes in, does dignity really matter in this situation? I'd think it doesn't, it's a private situation between two people and however I embarrass myself shouldn't come into consideration. I don't feel like she'd share whatever is exchanged, verbally and implied, with other people, and even then what dignity do I have left to lose with her?him?it? But, the next question is it worth it. I know I'll be soaked in mental anguish following the conversation, I know I'll be euphoric during, I know it won't take me anywhere. I don't feel safe talking to it, when it's the only other person I've been able to bare myself to, but then again are they still that person? I did the usual, I flipped a coin on it, and this time I listened to the coin. Two tails right away. This flipping a coin thing though needs to stop, I gotta go with my heart on these types of decisions, even if my mind knows what might happen.