Screwing With People

Honestly, I just love to screw with my friends, especially with Facebook. Obviously when I do it's funny as hell but they get mad. It's been a while since I've done much of anything, about 2 months. But today I decided to utilize my friends stupidity in leaving me logged in on my laptop and send out some messages to chicks. The bad thing is that I'm having him over tomorrow and he's going to be raging. He already decided to turn my pec red by pinching it and not letting go, think of what he'll do when I have a fire. I'm Fucked. But, they prefer to do screw with me to so it's just me getting back. For example, once I left the room once (this was about a month ago) and they decided to message the girl I liked and tell her I like her, of course I told her that it was them but she got mad at me for them messaging her. Other ways, which sadly are painful, are games we play with each other. A really popular one, and stupid one, we had for about a month was when we kept nutpunching each other, really idiotic. Then I got fucked over again by them screwing with me and telling girls lies and rumors about me, it just makes me sad and happy at the same time.

A Poem, Didn't Feel Rappy

My Pain 

I can't even think the name

Without feeling pain

And the sorrow of regret

All my attempts were in vain

I feel so insane

I feel like a piece of shit

I loved her once and always will

My heart goes to her because I feel

A burning passion I can't put out

Only her bucket of water, but I'm without

My heart was shattered, broken, smashed

And at my friends I decided to lash

I need them more than ever

And she stood there, spurning me

So I took my leave

And she'll never be my lover

-Caucasian Azn                 .

I tried to use Haiku in this which only worked for the first two verses but, there is a rhyming aspect even though it is strained. But the rhyming works the way I always made it work in rapping, it doesn't have to be exactly a rhyme, just close enough.

Bigotry, that Racist Bastard

So pretty much my dad is probably the biggest bigot I know. For those of you that know me you're probably going to say, oh but you're a racist asshole also. BUT GUESS WHAT, those are jokes I could never be serious with them. For example prior to my school trip to West Virginia I decided to bring my laptops, yes I had to bring more than one. While in the car my dad decided to warn me saying, oh be careful West Virginia has lots of poor people. Well fuck you, I told him off and said that it's profiling and he just goes, "Profiling exists for a reason." What a load of crap. So then I went off on him saying does that mean  that every black man should be arrested once he enters a convenience store, should every Russian woman be assumed to be a prostitute? And you know what he said? nothing cause I shut him up. Like I was talking to my teacher about it once and she's like, well that happens a lot to people that have spent a lot of time in the hospital or away from people, they become very close-minded. Well he's got no excuse, prior to his hospital days he still said shit about others based off of race, mind that I didn't really know what it was that he was saying, but he said it to my friends face and I got annoyed cause I still knew what the race card was. Like I was at the doctor because I got a fucked up rib cage on my West Virginia trip from slamming into a cave wall, I said that my friend thought it could be a cracked rib and my dad goes well what does he know he's (insert race here), I prefer to remain as anonymous as possible. I told him off and he's like "You're starting to sound like your cousin." Like seriously this can even go back to people that use gay as an insult. I don't even get how there could possibly be something such as a homophobic, what is there to be afraid of, that they might hit on you. Once they do you just explain that you're heterosexual. The only way gay could ever be used as an insult is when it's used on a homophobe, which sadly I have done because he was pissing me off. Bigotry is probably half of the reason for the wars going on in the world, and every person is one it's just some are bigger ones than others. There's even those dumbasses that try to use race as an insult, calling me Asian. How is that an insult? Asian countries have some of the highest test scores and lots of our technology is developed there. Some kid was telling me I designed CoD MW3 as an insult, how the fuck is that bad, it's just him admitting how much of a dumbass he truly is.

"Bigotry and judgment are the height of insecurity." -Jasmine Guy

"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood."                -Correta Scott King

My Fucking Depression, I'm Happy Right Now

So recently I've been feeling highly depressed and total hate-my-life like. Especially since happy things are happening around me. Three of my friends recently got into relationships, my brother's shit ended well, and so much more. I'm still happy, in fact I've been improving but people still keep acting like douchebags with just piss me off. For example there's this one fatass that acts all strong and when someone suggested to just fight it out now he's like, "No I don't feel like killing someone" of cause really he's just pussying out. He is the last person I'd expect to be able to walk, except maybe like 1 or 2 other people. And he gets mad at me for picking on him when he calls me a faggot, going back to an earlier post, I see it as an insult but don't get why it's used so much as one. And no he's not my friend, I don't pick on friends. But also, again in an earlier article, the love of my life (to young to be saying this shit) hates me, MAJOR PART OF MY DEPRESSION. But I'm improving, I've always had a high self-esteem even though I'm not some arrogant ass and never let my friends get me down. What we do is rip on each other, it's just the douchebags that aren't my friends that I don't like to take shit from. For example another one of my friends (phoneinformer) needs to keep his house clean, if he didn't need to and especially if he didn't have carpets I would have dropped that fucker, not phoneinformer, and let his blood pool around him. Well now I feel bored so I'm just going to list symptoms of depression I suffer from.

• Small loss of self-esteem
• Loss of need to preserve myself
• Loss of importance in life
• Disassociation with others
• Thoughts of suicide
• Etc.

My Delusion Confusion

So, pretty much I've almost always been good at telling when someone likes another person or not, you know as in they want to date them. But the one thing I've never been able to tell is whether someone likes me. I've tended to let my delusions get the best of me when I think some girl likes me. For example, right now I think that two girls I know want to ask me out. Of course I'm not going to just walk up to them and ask, I need to save face. But it just makes me wonder. Cause at my old school girls liked me, I'm not exactly an attractive person but I tend to make them laugh a lot. So at my current school I'm just stuck wondering, and confused, about whether these girls like me or not. Both of them I would say yes to of course. And then I start wondering again, maybe that's why some guys pick on me telling me no one likes me, calling me ugly, cause they jealous. But that's a really fucked up ego speaking. One everyday will walk up to me and go, your going to see him today. I at first didn't give a fuck but then slowly my interest was piqued to the point I have to keep asking her who she is, she's given me some clues but so far some of them have been off. Then there's another that I thought was creeped out by me, which she probably is. After I said some stuff to her then current boyfriend about how I'd love to fuck her she couldn't talk to me. Then recently I've noticed her looking over in my direction in class and she's started talking to me again, weird. So that's why I have the idea that they like me.

How Your Friends Influence Your Life, Like How Mine Got Fucked Cause Of Mine

Have you guys ever noticed you act different when your with your friends compared to by yourself, and no I'm not talking about masturbating and stuff like that. Take me for example, I'm actually pretty quiet, but when I'm with my friend we end up talking almost none stop and goofing off. Also I don't eat much, but whenever I'm hanging with my friends I eat about 3 meals in 1 hour, yes I realize the gluttony. Personally, I prefer to blame my friends for my crush despising me, even though I know that they're not totally responsible. Having hung out with 3 of my friends all the time all my jokes except fat, racist, and sex jokes have gone out the window because those are the ones we always made. So now, the girl I happen to love, and no matter how hard I try I can't get over her, always gets mad at me for making jokes around her. She tells me it's just cause of the way I say it, in honesty it's just the opinion she's built up of me due to rumors, and it pisses me off. 1 guy makes a sex joke and she laughs, I make one and she gets mad and tells me off. Also, my friend decided to tell her I wanted to know why she stuffed her bra, HE TOOK IT OUT OF CONTEXT, then when I tried to fix it I only dug a larger hole. I never thought she stuffed, it's cause I love her so I ignore the imperfections, but also I never would have. Pretty much, my friends are mostly horrible, they like to spread rumors about me just to be douche bags. It's cause of them she thinks I disrespect woman, but also she repeatably has told me that I have shown disrespect to woman in the past. I never have, and then she thinks I'm treating her specially and being nice, I don't pick on girls and don't act rude to them to their face. The only special treatment I've given her is telling her the shit I hear about her, and that's all it ever could be.

Hypocrites piss me off, especially me.

You ever had to deal with someone giant asshole who acts like a total hypocrite ALL THE TIME. I sure have. For example, I'm a little chunky so I get mocked for it, even though I'm not super chubby I'm more about just a small gut. Now there's a kid that's fat also and I mean like he looks like he should be 400 pounds, but cause it's fat and not muscle he only rounds about 150 160 (he told me.) He decided to mock me for being fat, and the thing is the only reason he knows is cause I've actually told people, I wear shirts that don't show off my gut. I told him off for being fatter than me and he cried. Now he gets even more mad at me for mocking him when all he ever does is mock me. He starts it to, I let him call me fat before a lash out and start calling him a total fatass. He's a sensitive large shit that at least acts super highly arrogant. He even refers to me as "The Asian" what a bad little burn seeing as if you ask me I'd rather be a brainy Asian kid rather than some dumb fuckin' white shit that lets his ego get ahead of him. Even then he decided to tell me last week that nobody likes me, I hear that from a lot of shits at school but they're my friends and playing around. I was about to explain to him that one friend said it to many times and I was about to hit him in the face at point blank but right before it connected I changed my mind now think about his situations and the fact that I don't like him. My friend reminded me about it last Friday cause it annoyed him cause if that fat shit got told that he would cry, regardless of who said it. I just never got the point of people that pick on others but when they're picked on they get mad and pissed off. I will act like a hypocrite occasionally but never, ever is it with bullying. I HATE IT I think bullies belong in a pile of shit for all their lives, even though they probably bully cause of their own problems, unless they're a sociopath. The only time I pick on someone is if they started it by picking on me, and trust me that is not something to do. I use my brain a lot in making fun of people and I don't need to think before I say it, I just say it. People just shouldn't act all tough and then when they receive any opposition they become total fucking pussies it's just so senile, WHAT'S THE POINT OF ACTING LIKE SOMETHING IF YOU CAN'T BACK IT UP? There's another kid that always acts like he's better than me and acts like he's super muscly and powerful, so one day just fed up with it(cause I'm not that good at mocking scrawny ass white kids) I just hit him in the chest once and now whenever I even stand up he runs away, SO STRONG. So this post has 2 points 1, it's stupid to act like a hypocrite, 2 it's stupid to act all great then pussy out at the last second.

The Power of Greed, What a Bitch He Is

Today was the second half of a field trip I went on with my class. We went to West Virginia to look at telescopes, then went to a cave to look around. After the cave we went "mining" which pretty much was pouring dirt in a screen and washing it til' only rocks were left. Now I've done this before over my summer break and I was comparing the two places. At place 1(Field Trip) it cost 6 dollars for a bag of per-seeded dirt that had small shards of valuable rock in it and we used better equipment compared to place 2. At place 2(Summer Break) we paid 10 dollars for a bucket of dirt that could probably hold about 10 of the bags at place 1. The guy in charge was probably back-hoeing the river nearby for all the valuable rocks, but he would mix in rocks he bought, used dirt, and what looked like cat shit. His equipment he built himself and you could tell it was shit cause it took me a full hour to finish a bucket, while it took me 1 minute to finish a bag. Now to the point of the blog, which one was being greedy? I really think that the first people were, but they bought what they seeded so they wouldn't be able to afford too low of a price. The second guy had free rocks (which he probably got illegally by back-hoeing the river) and he still seeded in everyday rocks and lots of dirt. It really mystifies me the length that people will go to cheat people of their money. The thing is in one bag of dirt I got more rocks than in 1 bucket. The second guy was a cheat. I wanted to punch him, cause then he tried snaking my dad into it. He was offering to sell a franchise. Fucker, that's all I can say. But honestly, I'm a greedy bastard myself, normally I'll throw away almost any food I have, but when it comes to money or something I like to eat, I'd rather die than give it to you. I stiffed people all the time selling random stuff at school, from cans of soda, to candy I had a good steady income from it. I had the mind for it and abused it for my selfish, self-serving needs. But even then, I don't think it was as fucked up as what that guy was doing. I wasn't watering down soda, mixing in the crappiest candy and only having 3 good ones for every 20 bads. I was still fair. And so now I have nothing else to talk about, and no, today was not me bitching. A new purpose of this blog is to talk out my theories on humanity and the world.

Why pick on homosexuals, especially the ones that are straight?

Okay so almost everyday at school at least one person decides to call me gay, people think they can just get away with it but I don't get what's wrong with being gay. Guys have used it to rip on each other for years and I never saw the point to it. Is it to establish the "Alpha Male" you know the big man on campus, saying homosexuals are just the bottom rung in society. Seriously, from basic psychology you know that most of the time when someone is making fun of you for something it's because they're insecure about it themselves. But then does this mean that almost every guy in the world that's in his teens is a little bicurious, well yeah. I actually think that could be the answer cause around that age our hormones are raging and half of us will fuck anything that moves. But like seriously, personally I have no problem with homosexuals, ever, but I have a problem with being called one because it's saying I don't have a crush on this girl in my class. It's saying I shouldn't fit in with normal society. It's just plain wrong to use "Gay", "Faggot", and all the terms that refer to a homosexual as an insult. And even worse kids use it to bully, REALLY, they're going to bully kids for being "gay" when they hear about shit like kids committing suicide for being bullied. Even worse bullying tends to greatly affect that person's personality from becoming what he's called, to reverting to looking at porn and masturbating when he feels "alone", to growing up to become some serial rapist or killer. People don't realize how much of an impact they're making on kids at such an early age. And even worse a kid at my school around the second quarter couldn't take it and he hung himself. Then there were all these rumors about why because the kid was popular and everyone loved him. A predominate one was that his stepfather picked on him, including calling him gay. Like maybe people only cared because he was popular, but I'm not so if they're saying it doesn't matter if this kid cuts the chords cause he's not popular, cause we don't like him, well to bad a developed human life is just as important as any other. Especially since some people may grow up to revolutionize the world and play a major part in it, but won't because they couldn't take the shit that kids would give them. I dream to grow up and become an engineer and tech geek so I can. But back to the main message, and yes I am bitching today, don't use gay as an insult, especially since there shouldn't be anything wrong with being gay.

Why do I rap?

Hopsin is such a great rapper, he's part of my inspiration and he's my idol. My brother is the one who got me into rapping and introduced me to the beats of Hopsin. I use to think Eminem was the best, and he was, not only can he spit really fast but he had to go through a whole lot to gain acceptance. But after Eminem went to rehab his style went to shit. Hopsin is the top now in my book of rappers, especially since he has something to rap about. He's had to deal with "Special" classes and problems with Ruthless Records. Now he owns a record company called Funkvolume. And in his song "Ill Mind of Hopsin 4" I really do believe that he is the one that will be hip hop's savior from what I would consider the dark ages. No this article has no emotional fuel behind it, but since I didn't have anything to write about, I decided to better introduce myself to the many possible readers I probably won't have. And I think it would be fucking awesome to own a pair of white contacts like Hopsin's.My other inspiration to rap is the shit I've had to deal with, and I'm not even a legal adult yet! My dad got into the hospital with kidney failure at an early age, spending most of his time in the hospital he hasn't been able to be involved in my life. My mom started breaking down with anxiety issues. Almost everyone at school's favorite past time is Pick on "TheCaucasianAzn" of course I'm not going to put in my real name. And of course, related to my last post, the love of my life(yes stupid for a kid to say) utterly hates me. I rap by myself, in the shower, and when I'm walking places.

Favorite Song by Hopsin :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN0ykfJeo9A
Only Clean Song by Hopsin :http://vimeo.com/4360331
FunkVolume :http://myfunkvolume.com/

Life's a bitch, and she's hard to get along with.

This is really hard for me to admit but I pretty much I fell in love, at least I think I did. But the fucked up part is that the girl I love utterly hates me and would probably love to gut me with a knife and have a bath in my blood. I fell in love a while ago but it's lasted for a while, leaving me utterly miserable and unhappy, especially since she knows I like her, I never used the major "L" word. I've rapped about my emotional unrest and talked things out with my friends lots of times, but to no avail. I can't get over her, I don't think I ever will. Now when I'm at home I just can't stand being alone, that's due to the fact that all I ever do is start wallowing in my misery, self-hate, and pity. And cause this girl is in my classes I get reminded daily of the fuck up that sadly is my life. Not like it ever mattered much, I have friends but most of them are total douchebags, or don't get me. According to some people "everyone hates me" but in truth it's cause they're worried about themselves, and I really just want that person to meet my fist one day, he could drown in his own pool of blood. People are just bitches too much, I bet the world would be at peace if we just sat and talked things out for a while. But anyways, now I'm depressed, that's why I got a blog, so I have an online journal to bitch to, and now my "many" viewers , HRRMMM!! 1 or 2, get to read about it.

Who am I? You tell me.

Honestly I don't want to describe myself at the high risk of being viewed as an arrogant bastard. But I'll tell you this much I love rap and always have and if I were to grow up and become a rapper I'd use the name I'm using now, "TheCaucasianAzn", cause it describes my racial diversity. Right now the purpose of my blog is to vent and don't expect to see me posting raps cause when I do I don't write them, I don't like to video tape them either.