Going Blind

So I'd like to say that it's been long and hard, yea I said those two words together, since summer started and she decided to abandon me. Since that horrid moment in my personal history, I've slowly lost sight of myself. Besides starting to get crushes on girls just because they're "pwetty" or reducing lifting weights, I've just started to just be a Moba addict. In fact, Dota has been fucked by a recent update so I started playing, sadly, League of Legends. I've also half abandoned this blog. I'm surprised that the posts I do make get views. I guess I somehow post interesting and important stuff, but I really don't know. But back to the subject, I want to go back to me again. To the guy that always knew why he did something routinely. I still need a reason to lift weights. Before? Well before I'd tell myself who I had to protect, who I was going to protect. But now I don't know. Those thoughts, they're irrelevant now. I've lost touch with them. It was two girls, one of which you should know who is, the other only a few will know. I always said I lifted weights because I was always going to be there to protect them. But, I lost touch with them. I try, and try, to fix shit with her, I really do. I'm scared that things are going to become what they've become with the other girl. We only talk when one of us needs something. We're not friends or anything. Mostly it's me that needs something. If I attempt casual talk it just fails after a few things get said. But I guess that's what's coming. It's amazing how when someone's hope deteriorates slowly so does the rest of them until they're only what you see when that guy looks in the water and there's a ripple from a pebble. It's the same person, but distorted. Distorted to the point where you can barely recognize him or her. I want to go back to being me. The jovial, carefree, dickhole that people love.

Up at Five

I'm up at five cause I'm wasting my life
Not moving forward so I'm up all night
Contemplating things that shouldn't need thought
But as I drift off my mind isn't gone
I'm up at five cause my heart's misplaced
Left in a desert it's sandy and scraped
Blown by the wind it's never the right shape
It contorts, controls, patrols my thoughts
But if I follow it Imma get lost
Lost as lost as my heart is
Just stuck regretting the things I did
But I can't think about that, pain's what it is
To think the thought of the theme of this song
It's loneliness brought on by my wrongs
But they can't be righted the way that I want
So I'm stuck longing for a pleasant thought
So I'm up at five feeling down at a one
I stay up all night to watch the sun
But it never rises like it's always done
The beauty is lost cause my mind's the same way
I never can truly enjoy my day
I'm stuck contemplating the rights for my wrongs
But as I said before, the right's never done

Airheads Vs. The Absent Mind

So I've found that I love air heads. I love talking to air heads and except for I think one person, all the girls I've had a thing for tend to be air heads. Now you might want to know my definition of an airhead. Being one doesn't exactly mean that you're stupid, it means you don't think things through, so you only appear to be stupid. Yes, yes I know. This looks like me making an excuse to like stupid chicks. But as I said, they're not always, ALWAYS, stupid. I have had that lapse in judgement where I crush on some airhead that is highly stupid just because she's pretty. But that's a rare occasion. I enjoy intelligent conversation. Or atleast a conversation where I understand just as much as the other person is. When I get into a conversation where I have to explain things that I'd expect them to know I really annoyed. Or if I get into a conversation where the only things I can think to talk about are leading me to explaining and eventually lecturing, I don't like them. I sure as hell enjoy them. But no, I get self-conscious because I'd been talking a whole lot more than the other person. I don't like doing that type of stuff. But as for the second half of the title. I'm not an airhead, I'm absent minded as fuck.  I tend to not be there in most situations now. Even in a conversation I can drift off and forget what the fuck was going on. It makes it hard for me to pay attention to details occasionally. But nonetheless, I still overcome. That actually gives me a string of new names I could use if I ever become a professional glover. Blank. The Absent Mind. Brainfart. Eh, the last one is a not so much. It's funny though.

Survival Of The Fittest Right?

So everyone should be familiar with Charles Darwin and his theory on evolution correct? Well just to reiterate it revolves around the idea that the strongest, and fittest, are naturally selected to survive because if they can't last they die out. Well, I'd like to call bullshit. That theory, although technically correct, is becoming irrelevant in "modern" society. The point of the quotes is because there are still areas of the earth that we haven't been able to discover or explore, or parts of the world that haven't developed to the point that they can have a lifestyle where Darwinism is irrelevant. But, I'd like to just say this right now, HUMANS FUCKED OVER DARWINISM. With domestication of animals and technological advance we lose the ability to physically evolve and are at the point where we can only advance on a technological level. I'd like to say this too, technological advance is just going to lead to societal collapse. Think about it, you'd think that when technology advances so does society right? Well I'd beg to differ, if you look at a lot of the "Advanced" civilizations we live in today you don't see that much of a society. You see more hate, violence, and disgust than ever before. Have you heard of the Aborigines? They didn't believe in violence, nor in excess. This is seen in a lot of cultures that were natives but abolished by Europeans. They only hunted what they needed, not more. I can't say the same about violence though. But where's that now? Or, oh I know, physical fitness. The term "I'm going to grow up to be your boss" is because this society focuses more on mental advancement and allows for physical digress. While there is the slight chance that some bonehead jock does go into sports, that's not the point of this. The idea of a mental superior that can also kick your ass is rarely prevalent to me. In this society laziness and obesity are practically promoted by the emphasis on technology. Until I find a computer that helps me burn calories faster than typing these blog posts, I'm going to keep working out everyday(when I remember to). There's mental digress going on and no one notices it. A reduction in moral also. The "advancement" of society leads to so much things that honestly disgust me. But, as everything does, there's a trade off. Of course you can always balance it out. When it comes to advancement the trade off is of growth. We're slowly trying to balance out, but right now the weight put on intelligence is a little too much. I respect ancient societies for the simpleness and the emphasis on skills that not that many people have anymore. In our modern society, Darwinism has been fucked because we help the weak live. We're going against nature. I'm not saying sick people need to die, no. I'm saying that in other aspects we're screwing over evolution. We're currently going through a mental evolution though. With the rise of first Crystal children and now Indigoism along with a rebirth of emphasis on spiritualism and health this is what I was referring to as us slowly balancing out. But that's still hundreds of years off before we can compare to the mental capabilities of ancient civilizations and tribes. And honestly, the disadvantage a lot of "third world" societies are at won't is just an advantage in disguise. As supported by a book I have to read for school, their economic disadvantage provides more opportunity to advance mentally. If there's one thing you can learn from history and from anything else, everything has a rise, climax, and decline. Nothing is ever permanent. In a sense, you could call Europeans the descendants of pussies. Thousands of years ago they left Africa because they couldn't stand the conditions. The people that obviously stayed behind were the stronger ones. They still get crippled by disease and famine, but physically the ones that do eat I'd be scared of. If I went to Africa I'd be the most respectful person ever, not just because I'm not gonna be there with a gun but because I'd probably be going to a village where I'm not respected. I may be buff, but that's compared to school mates that don't have to hunt or do other physical activities everyday. That's compared to school mates that don't do much any exercise everyday. Not saying there aren't. I'm not the beefiest kid at my school. But if I go to Africa, to a village, I'd imagine the only thing that makes me stronger than a 10 year old there is because he's malnourished and I'm not. I'd imagine a 10 year old African villager, that has eaten at a good enough rate, could throw me on the ground and beat the crap out of me as easily as I could tear a piece of paper. Thanks for reading my rant, sorry about there not being pictures.

Third Eye Blind

Third eye so strong I could see if I were blind
I be leading this race and I'm leaving yal behind
You better catch up you need to open your mind
You may be able to see but really you're blind
Open your eyes, leave your body behind
Explore the world to expand your mind
It's weird that I made every line rhyme
But that's how it is and it still sounds fine
I talk a big talk but I walk a big walk
I walk everywhere and you can see my strut
I'm confident, cocky, hardy and all
But in all honesty I'm really real small
I know my situation but do you know yours
You sit there in excess and laugh at the poor
Wasting your money and time everyday
Not spending to help in every way
Not saying you should but it's better than now
Where you sit and you sit then you sleep on the couch
You don't move a muscle and you seem like a mouse
You're small in this world but you're big in your house
Government thoughts you can't think for yourself
You've gotten lost and don't want to be found
You cry for a wolf but expect for a hound
You probably know it but you're sinking down

So I ended up writing this, along with some sets of lines under a similar theme, after my brother kept mentioning this rap duo called "Underachievers". They're semi-mainstream in my mind in their style. They talk mostly about doing drugs, but unlike most people they tie it in with the psychological and spiritual effects. I mean like fuck, they met by smoking together and connecting over psychedlics. They've worked with Flatbush Zombies also. Well I'm not surprised, they both came from Flatbush. Flatbush Zombies have worked with some bigger names though, like Juicy Jay, A$AP Mob, and Joey Bada$$. But back to the point. I figured I might as well make a slightly egotistical rap about my spiritual superiority to most people.

Enjoy some Underachievers

Fire In Yo Face

So I'd have to say that my rave apparel is near completion. I still intend to get a set of PodPoi, was gonna get them for my birthday but got a firepit instead, but as for gloving, until they make a chip that even more amazes me than the current one I don't really need to make any new purchases besides batteries. I have my fuzzy gloves with programmed Oracles in them. I have more than enough masks. Well actually I have two. I'd say I have three but one of them I screwed up trying to make a custom mask with it. So now I just have a blank one coming in the mail, and then "Wraps". I could also call it Burn but I like calling it "Wraps". Then for more of an effect, and a part of a show, I have this Spiderman hoodie that zips all the way up. Idea is I have "Wraps" on and wear the hoodie over it, and I zip down the hood to show another face. Not the best thing to do, but it still could work. People are gonna like it also. But I got that hoodie to wear, or if I feel like doing more arm tuts I'll just wear a sleeveless or T and my Emazing Snapback or one of my Fox Hats. I gotta say, if I wear the blank mask I don't even need a hat, as long as my hair still flows over it. As for other arts, my plan is after I get my PodPoi I'm going to get a set of devilsticks. After that I have no clue, maybe nunchaku. This is just a fun ass hobby, people tell me it's expensive but honestly it's not. It's better than people always shopping and spending money that way. Most of the stuff I get it's a straight up one time cost, and then occasional costs to improve what you have or replace batteries. PodPoi I don't even have to buy batteries for, and devilsticks I won't need batteries for until I buy an elecrtic set, which is around I think 200 dollars.

Luvaholic

Yes it's another one of "Those" posts, bear through it or leave I honestly couldn't give a fuck.

So, I've used the term" Lovedrunk" to describe myself multiple times here, so I figured the noun term that I would fall under is a "Luvaholic". Not just that I can fall easily in love, something I've combated by waiting on to see if it's just my usual cheery, delirious mood or if it's legit, but also that I tend to keep those emotions and they don't go away. I don't exactly enjoy it. Especially since, when I do my usual stuff to entertain people I normally get a laugh from a good amount, so I can't tell when a girl smiles at me whether it's cause I'm funny or she likes me. I could purposely make a horrid joke and then the girls that laugh probably have a thing for me, but I have too much pride and a reputation as "funny" to attempt that approach. I've also said how I easily I learn things from T.V. and relate to characters on it. Well, I'd say I'm a Ted Mosby. I can go on about the most boring things, but I'm still interesting. My obsessions are few and major though. Most of all, I don't feel like I can handle myself around a girl if I feel like I've fallen in love with her, I get nervous and shit. And if something happens I can be around that girl, but I can't talk to her and just avoid her without thinking. You don't know how many times in class I dread the chance there is that I get paired up with her to do something. I just, it creates such an anxiety sometimes. Of course, if that were to happen it may actually help me, but I still don't want that to happen. But, you still learn stuff. Friendship happens, Ted pursued and had his thing with Robin and then they broke things off and despite the awkwardness what got them to like each other in the first place attracts them together again as friends. I need some opportunity for that to happen. But whatever, I doubt it will anytime soon and I don't particularly look forward to it if it ever does.