Sunday, October 27, 2013

Going Blind

So I'd like to say that it's been long and hard, yea I said those two words together, since summer started and she decided to abandon me. Since that horrid moment in my personal history, I've slowly lost sight of myself. Besides starting to get crushes on girls just because they're "pwetty" or reducing lifting weights, I've just started to just be a Moba addict. In fact, Dota has been fucked by a recent update so I started playing, sadly, League of Legends. I've also half abandoned this blog. I'm surprised that the posts I do make get views. I guess I somehow post interesting and important stuff, but I really don't know. But back to the subject, I want to go back to me again. To the guy that always knew why he did something routinely. I still need a reason to lift weights. Before? Well before I'd tell myself who I had to protect, who I was going to protect. But now I don't know. Those thoughts, they're irrelevant now. I've lost touch with them. It was two girls, one of which you should know who is, the other only a few will know. I always said I lifted weights because I was always going to be there to protect them. But, I lost touch with them. I try, and try, to fix shit with her, I really do. I'm scared that things are going to become what they've become with the other girl. We only talk when one of us needs something. We're not friends or anything. Mostly it's me that needs something. If I attempt casual talk it just fails after a few things get said. But I guess that's what's coming. It's amazing how when someone's hope deteriorates slowly so does the rest of them until they're only what you see when that guy looks in the water and there's a ripple from a pebble. It's the same person, but distorted. Distorted to the point where you can barely recognize him or her. I want to go back to being me. The jovial, carefree, dickhole that people love.

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