So To The New Year?

So today's New Year's Eve, what a great joy. If the sarcasm isn't obvious it's because I don't see it as much of a holiday. It celebrates people getting drunk off their ass, but also pledging to fix themselves. Now the pledging to fix themselves is something that shouldn't be holiday oriented. It should just come naturally rather than a calendar telling you to. There's also my deadening enthusiasm to post again. I found when I'm feeling happier, I'm less prone to post because I don't have a need to complain or moan about what's wrong with my life. I could always make happy posts, but I'm having more trouble doing that than I did when I began. I'd like to say my New Year's Resolution is, as usual, to go back to being the jolly fuck  I used to always be. Even though times change, my previous personality is one that I missed. Sometimes being a total asshole seems more appealing to me, less need to stomach the gut wrenching fucks I see at school, a lot easier to externalize anger and annoyance. Of course, I still enjoy things how they are, I don't want to be a dick to people more, I just want to be able to smile, be social, and not feel like the weird kid that belongs in the corner of a party cause he can't make good conversation with anyone. I'm slowly feeling like Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye due to my momentous disgust of society and my slow growth to being more anti-social along with it. But my other resolution, which helps with growth in the first one, is removing my thoughts of her. I've been trying hard as fuck and it takes forever to get any progress. But as long as I still ponder thoughts of her, I'm still going to always feel depressed. My favorite thing about school, my reason for ignoring homework and doing what I find interest in, it's because it distracts me. Reading a boring ass book or doing math problems leaves my mind time to wander until it settles on a subject. But, atleast I know I can purge myself of my problem eventually.