Do I Look Like Trash?

So as I said earlier I've been playing League of Legends a lot more recently. Well, last night I got into an argument with frankly an asshole who decided to call everyone noobs because we were losing. Then when I responded and told him to shut up he called me the biggest noob even though I was doing the second best on the team. Then he talks to me about teamwork because I'm not focused and sending my guy in solo but he's there sitting and insulting the team. I challenged him to a 1V1 and he didn't dignify it with an answer but decided to call me trash instead. I don't think he was being a troll though, no he was doing the best on the team, but I was a close second. So by the end of the game, and we had a chance to win, we lost because I kept feeding them. It wasn't intentional, noooo, it was because I was more focused on telling the bastard off for being a jackass online. The worst thing he did was he was telling me to uninstall the game. What's wrong with people online these days? That someone would make such a big deal out of losing a game. I mean LoL has ranked play where you can make money but we weren't playing that. No, we were playing blind pick. And what I find funny is that the guy that kept telling me I was a noob was a lower level than me. He also couldn't tank, my character can take on two at a time sometimes.


He used Viktor

LoL, No I'm Not Laughing

So I got into a game that's pretty popular and sure you've all heard of before called League of Legends. I'm a super-noober at the game but I've gotten better. At first I sucked so hard that playing Beginner I'd die all the time and my team would manage to lose, but now I do okay on Beginner. I mostly play Intermediate Dominion, yes I prefer to play against A.I.s. I'm going to try a P.V.P one after I finish this post though. I tried out a couple of champions and at the moment my favorite to use is Udyr. The only reason I'm using him is because he's one of the free champions. Last week the champion I always used was Mordekaiser but I had trouble figuring him out. I didn't realize until Saturday that his abilities used up health which is why I was dying so often. Now here's a really nooby thing, I didn't know that abilities didn't affect structures. I'd be taking down a turret and using abilities on it thinking it was doing something and ended up dying faster. I do own one champion, Annie. I don't know why I bought her, I guess because I liked her Ult, but I sorely regret it. Right now I'm going to work on getting promo codes to get Riot Points so I can buy Udyr. I've figured out a good strategy too. When playing Dominion I cycle points going Bear Stance, Tiger Stance, and Phoenix Stance. After finishing all three I add the rest into Turtle Stance. That's just because Turtle Stance isn't as useful as I'd thought it to be in Dominion because the health and mana steal is weakened. I never really figured out Turtle to begin with though because I'd stay in it when I needed health, then read a strategy guide and it said only stay in it while you have armor from it. But, my strategy is use Bear Stance, which increases movement speed, to get to the Capture Points then when fighting a champion I cycle between Phoenix and Tiger Stance because of the activation effects. That's also my general combat strategy when using Udyr. Because I don't play Classic I have no real strategy but if I had to make one I'd be in Turtle Stance when there's only minions and use my combat strategy when a champion comes by. Then use Bear Stance over and over if I need to chase the champion. And when taking a turret I use Tiger Stance because it increases my attack speed. As far as equipment goes I buy the Trinity Force first, getting Sheen then the Zeal. After that I go for Randuin's Omen buying the Giant's Belt first. After I get Ninja Tabis. Then Wit's End. It's a pretty good strategy for buying. Some other champions I want to get are Malzahar and the champion with the giant boomerang shuriken. Sorry forgot a lot of the names. And of course Master Yi, from the way my brother talked about him he's really useful if you just spam Meditate.

Stupid Cuntwhore

So you would expect me to be complaining about my mom from this title but no, it's not a bitchrant about that dumb cunt but about my brother's whore. So I was a really dark person last year and a habit I had was to constantly mock people without caring about what they did about it or remorse and one of my many victims was the whore. "She" hasn't forgiven me even though I've decided to stop picking on "her"  Basically now I wait for "her" to make a rude comment before I taunt "her" with "her" many flaws. I'm pretty sure that " she" wouldn't act like such hot shit if my brother weren't around. I've decided that if "she's" going to be nasty while I'm nice I'm going to be an ass. When I say ass I really mean ass though. In front of my brother I called "her" a whore that sleeps around. I also commented on "her" ugly face that reminds me of a troll, especially from the side. I honestly think that when "she" was a kid "she" fell on "her" face and then was viciously stomped by a horse "she" abused which gave "her" an ugly nose that from the side scares me. I do have quite a large arsenal of comments to make about "her". Besides "her" being ugly "she's" also really stupid and slightly chubs. I got a wide amount of comments to make but those are just a few off the top of my head. One of my really favorites though is to make fun of "her" by talking about all the blowjobs "she" gives.

Aren't I Magical?

So as I've said I got gloves. Sorry that I haven't posted a video of me gloving yet, it's because I haven't found anyone to record it yet. But I've gloved for my brother before, I'd have him record it but my camera is a piece of shit, and he's said that he thinks I'm better than the guy that was showing me how to glove. I still need to get finger rolls down but I can tut and do a lot of flips with my wrist and use them to transition between different tricks. I decided that if I were to take on a name I'd be Fuckboy or Marvel. Fuckboy because I've already made 2 things that involve flipping the person off and intend to create more. Marvel because I also got a nice spiderman hoody and can wear that, a white mask, and a hat. Of course I'll get other hoodies so I can mix up my gloving. But now I'm practicing because the guy that was showing me how to glove asked for a show because my brother told him his opinion. Only problem is regardless of whether I am better than him or not he'll deny it because he has an ego problem. He's a bit of an ass also but he's still chill.

Oh The Boredom

So I've gotten to a point of boredom I figured would take another week for me to reach without my laptop. But I've gotten into just watching anime on my brother's computer all day and sitting around just sleeping. Right now I'm watching Fairy Tail because I finished watching One Piece and I'm planning to start watching other anime that I haven't in a while. I'm so behind. I think I'm going to watch Bleach also and I know I watched most of Dragonball so the rest I'll have to wait and see to find out.

Well This Is Bad

So it's the usual, 11:30 and I'm about to make my daily blog post because I neglected to post all day. Well this isn't any good because now my mind's just gone blank and I can't think of anything to say. I couldn't think of anything to say to Blue on Facebook either. I've been having a serious case of writer's block recently and have resolved to solve it soon, well in about 100 or so days. I'm going to take a 1 month hiatus from blogging after it's been exactly a year since I made this blog. Right now I'm at about 250 posts so that's 100 more posts until I take a hiatus. Even then you never know and maybe by then I'll have had a more interesting life and not need a hiatus. I'm just guessing and hoping but I suspect to have gotten a girlfriend within the upcoming 100 days. Who knows, maybe my hopes will come true.

Drowning In Boredom

So I'm not exactly the festive type on the holidays. Even with Christmas we're not festive. It's just like any other day for us, we get up, and walk up and down and around the house. Because of that I have nothing at all to do on Facebook because everyone else is off being festive with their families. I have one friend that's Muslim that I could have gone over to hang with, but I already made plans to hang with him tomorrow. Then my laptop not having any internet makes it better. I can still use it for the vast game library I built on it over a year, but it's hard to manage because I need to hook it up to a t.v. or monitor which I'm not used to doing. Even worse is that I have to angle my head upwards and my keyboard would be the laptop base rather than a wireless keyboard which would be easier to manage. Ugh, can't wait for my Staples gift cards to show up so I can order my laptop and be done with it.

What A Nice Christmas Present

So I overly embraced the Christmas spirit and the spirit of giving with what I gave my friends. Not much really but I gave out chocolate to some people. So things were going good last night until my laptop hinge, the one that was left, snaps and my screen falls backward. Then tonight while using my laptop I have a skewer in to support it and what I have the laptop on is nudged so the screen shoots back and a chord rips out. Turns out that chord was needed for internet so I need a new one. I don't have money just laying around to spend but I went to discover and looked up the credit that we have with them and I can get about 300 bucks to spend on a laptop. Added to a check of 150 bucks that I got from my grandfather for my birthday 2 months ago that I've been saving I have 450 to spend. Anything else is covered by my parents because I cleaned up the front and backyards. So, anyways, I'm browsing on Dell for a computer and due to it being the end of the month there's no customizability. I wanted to get a computer with 6GB of RAM and an I5 Processor along with Windows 8 and I can't find anything cheaper than 750 bucks. I look for a Windows 7 one with the same processor and RAM and the only one there is an alienware that's 1000$. If it were the beginning of the month I would have gotten everything that I wanted on it because my fucked up laptop cost me 660$ and had an I5 along with 6GB of RAM. So I went to Staples, where I could get 325$ to spend and found a nice acer that would only cost 580$. Had my specifications and everything, best part of all it has a numpad also. I cannot stress how important a numpad is to me on a laptop. So now I have to backup all of my music and any game save files I want on my external hardrive.

I May Finally Have My Job

So a friend of the family that buys animals every now and then inherited a giant herd of cattle from someone. I was told of this by my dad so I'm a little skeptical about it. But, because they got a giant herd and it's hard to manage they may hire me and my friend to assist on the farm. Currently they're hiring convicts so us asking about a job would be somewhat haven-like for hiring. Only problem is that it'll be on minimum wage which is a little annoying, especially since it'll be at the most 18 hours a week. I was reading up on it as usual and assuming we're being paid in checks and not under the table 18 hours a week is the max. With the minimum wage of $7.25 in VA I'd make about 130 or so dollars a week. I could really use the extra cash especially since my candy sales aren't totally dependable. For example, on paper I make 60 bucks a week when I sell well. Only problem is that some people I give it to on credit, others I give it to for their lunch and such. Then there's thefts, yes I've experienced thefts, about like 4 bucks worth a week. So I make around 40 bucks a week assuming I sell well. I've only had 2 weeks that played out where I started with 4 brand new boxes and ended with none. And now because my friends and I have drained the pool of available money I don't get as many sales. If I wanted to though I could go to school with 2 boxes and that manages to get me a lot of sales because people notice the 2 boxes at lunch. I normally would sell about 20 pieces a day but when I brought 2 to school I sold most of the two, which were brand new. Of course if I were to get a job I would continue selling candy. I need money for a really nice set of rave gloves and for my own petty things.

Ugh, My Dad Needs To Rethink Things

So my idiotic dad doesn't get why I'd get annoyed when at 7:30 he tells me to get in the car to get soda. I don't mind us having soda around but we just blow so much money on it every week and he gets mad when I try and cut corners. We buy about 10 or 20 cases a week and it disappears in the same week. It just shows the descent into unhealthiness which is starting to become bad. He literally told me I had to get strictly soda, I couldn't get anything like a case of lemonade because he won't drink it. Well he's not going to drink about 1/2 of the cases we buy anyways because my brother drinks a lot of soda and has friends over a lot. I'm trying not to drink as much soda so I buy things that aren't carbonated and he gets mad at me. My house is just drowning in unhealthiness and any attempt I make to change that gets met with my dad making things worse. I try to go to the store with my dad when he goes so I can buy fresher foods so we don't order out or eat frozen food as much. Because I was sick last week I didn't go to the store and was proud of myself with my giant basement freezer having been half empty for a couple of weeks. Right when my dad gets back with my brother they fill up the freezer. The problem with us buying frozen food isn't just because it's processed food that's not healthy but we just leave it sitting there and when my mom or I stick our heads in the freezer we order out because we don't think we have food. Now I know we have food in the freezer but it's all snack food, my dad doesn't buy stuff fit for a meal. He's just spoiled. When he was in the hospital he only drank soda. When they didn't allow him to drink soda he wouldn't drink anything at all, even to take pills. It's just sickening for me to watch my dad destroy his health and inadvertently cause my brother's and mine to deteriorate also. My brother and I are and have always been the healthiest in my family where we'd go years and be fine. Now my brother and I keep getting sick. But it makes it hard for me to manage my weight and properly build muscle with the little amount of healthy food available for me to eat.

End Of Ze World

So today was supposedly the end of the world according to the Mayan calendar. I have to say I wasn't scared like some kids were. There were bomb threats and even a shooting hit list associated with my school which just shows the stupidity the world is facing at this moment. If I were to have died today I would only truly regret never growing up and getting married to some girl that I fall in love with. I think the end of the world would be interesting and fun though. Just walking around during an earthquake then the ground opens up and you grab onto the edge and just as you get out you get blown by a blizzard to the other side of the crack and washed into it with a tsunami. I think that would be an interesting way to die and I think that's how I'd prefer to die, enjoying a natural disaster. If there were to be a shooting I wouldn't be scared either though. I'd see it as a chance to become a hero and garner a reputation good enough that if I were to ask out the girl I fell for again she may actually say yes. It sounds kinda selfish because people would have died and I'd just see it as a chance for glory though. But I think I would be able to handle a shooter. Most would expect you to run while they shoot at you so when you run at them they'll be surprised. In a situation like the one I'm describing you depend on the surprise you generate to get the gun away from the shooter and either bring the shooter to the ground or get the gun. Oh well though, we're still alive.

Relating to the Rhythm

If there's one thing that's always managed to amaze me is how easily I can relate to songs that I listen to. Now there's always been the dark days where all I listened to was loud and ear breaking music and not really knowing the meaning but I've reached the point in my mental capacity where I interpret everything I listen to. Songs such as Adam's Song where the writer is talking about how lonely he felt while Blink 182 was touring. I always felt connected and learned the lyrics but never took the time to learn what it was that I was singing. I felt it on some level though because the song emanated loneliness to me. To me if I learn a bulk of the lyrics to the song it means I have a connection to it. Another one I've especially connected to is Nocturnal Rainbows which is just Hopsin saying we don't know what's right and wrong and it's defined by society. I've already talked up Nocturnal Rainbows but I'd like to touch on the the subject portrayed in the song again because of recent events. I had a religious argument with a kid on facebook over the morality applied in gay marriage. The one thing I didn't bother to say to him because I saw it as pointless is that we don't know what's true. When you find the "Word of God" in the bible it's not totally his word. Besides that fact that it happened 100 or 200 years prior to being written there's nothing that confirms the accuracy. How do we know that God's "Prophets" even were talking to him and weren't hearing voices. How do we know that what is said "by god" in the bible is what he said and not something else. I've never been in a situation where I've managed to hate a person after talking to them for 30 minutes. But this kid just annoyed the shit out of me and threw me off the edge when he called homosexuality a mental disease only curable by prayer. Never in the fucking past has it been proven that homosexuality or any real disease was cured by prayer. I personally believe it's a matter of genetics because I don't have much control over what turns me on and am pretty sure no one else does. Then the kid goes on to claim the homosexuality is righteous punishment from God for actions we've taken in our lives. Well if that were so then how come some of the nicest people I know are homosexual. It's also not like someone wakes up one day (let's say it's a guy) and because the day before he beat someone up he starts getting boners when he sees some hot guy walking by and then because he's been a good person later on or goes to confession he starts to like girls again. Just all the BS that's created from religion is the major reason for me to have renounced it so long ago.

School Rather Than Drool

The one thing that I've always hated the most is that when I'm sick I miss school. Besides the fact that I actually enjoy school with its many social interactions I also miss a lot of work. In the two days I was gone I missed 3 tests and got behind in my Geography class. In my Physics class though, I didn't miss any of it, I can't focus on work and we have a lab to work on. I was so dazed on Tuesday when we were working on the lab it took me 20 minutes to figure out how to do it right and set my group back. Then we were making graphs in Excel and I ended up using the wrong data.

Westboro No Homo

So you know about the shooting that happened in Connecticut recently that resulted in over 20 children dying? Well I and many people know it's a tragedy but when you see someone protest the funeral, all I see feel is disgust. I found out about the Westboro Baptist Church today from facebook due to something that I read on Cell's page. Besides protesting the funeral for the shooting they are large protesters of gay marriage. Another horrible thing they do is celebrate the deaths of soldiers and protest the funerals held for said soldiers. Soldiers that fight for the country to live, a country these worthless 40 shits live in and overuse the freedom of speech in. Yea, I said there's 40 of them. It was started in Topeka with it's first religious service being held in 1955. It's made up primarily of the leader and his family. But them picketing the funeral is for one of two possible reasons. They're known publicity whores willing to do whatever they can to get attention and protesting something so drastic would bring them attention. The other one is that it may be because of the recent legalization of gay marriage in Connecticut. This hate group, or rather hate family, has been rejected by both major denominations of Baptism. They decided to claim to be of Calvinist and Primitive Baptist belief. They embrace lots of other misconceptions and stereotypes to be the truth. They talk about the Catholic church horribly describing priests and other clergymen to give blowjobs to little boys. They consider all Christian faiths to be like that. But even worse, a group of stupid, ungrateful, homophobic hicks say that Christians are misinterpreting the bible and if it were interpreted correctly they wouldn't be Christian. I haven't read about something so fascist before except maybe comparable to Hitler. They're saying you have to think like them to know what's right which is a load of shit. I don't go around preaching to all my friends about agnosticism and how my interpretation of the bible made me decide to practically renounce religion. My friends don't preach Islam and Catholicism to me saying I have to read their holy books and interpret it their way and then I'll end up following their faith. FUCK THAT. Their just an elitest shovinistic assy group. Ugh, I'm going to post the Cell pic and be done with it.

4M473UR

So I didn't talk about it earlier but my gloves showed up this week. Still an amateur glover, even though I still have a good variety in my moves. I need to practice hand rolls and another trick that I forgot what it's called but call them pushes. The pushes are where you fuck with your fingers and shit. I can do wrist flips or what my brother's fried called figure eights and I can do revolutions. Due to my inability to do hand rolls I've worked on transitioning between simple movements and wrist flips. I do know some pushes though. But I've had 2 light shows and just got mesmerized and didn't even try to analyse what was happening. I've also adopted ideas from watching videos, especially my favorite one Gluttony [PM] Munch. Munch is my favorite Emazing Lights glover and I've tried to adapt moves from watching him glove on youtube. What I never listed was my pass the light routine. In simplicity I just pass the light between the two index fingers which has proven to be a pretty good trick for me to work on. I got that idea from Munch. But, Munch is a very highly skilled and fast glover so I have trouble following what he's doing. I can follow videos like the Blue Dream glove set with Snuggles because he/she gloves slow enough at certain points for me to follow the movements. I would have had a video of me gloving but due to being sick I couldn't have friends over to videotape it. 3 sets at the moment: a glow set where it's my glow gloves with white strobes, green diffusers in the indexes and rainbows on the ringfingers; Crayon set; and Child's Play. My strobes in my glow set are from Crayon and Child's Play though. I also prefer not to use thumbs, they make it harder for me to do my flick tricks with the index fingers.

Favors

I'm probably one of the most generous person when it comes to doing favors for people. As long as I'm in not in a lazy haze and it doesn't cost me money I'll try to do it if I can. Even if it involves biking a couple of miles to go to their house or it may be risky. I don't really care. I don't care when it involves money sometimes though. If it's a favor for a Blue or certain friends and girls I'll do it for them. With guy friends I'll just be like pay me back later, and I say that to some girls too. But there's others like Blue where I'll voluntarily spend 10 or 15 bucks for them. It's just because I'm like a loyal puppy. I'm not going to turn away unless you mistreat me. Being a jack of all trades I'm also quite good at doing favors. I'll do stuff that can cost a couple hundred dollars from a professional that I know how to handle. Stuff like virus cleaning a computer or just fixing it in general. Or fixing up a bike. The bike was partially because I wrecked it but I borrowed it before because I wanted to try to fix the brakes up. Coincidentally it was his bike that I rode down a hill on a camera. Then of course there's girls. Once because I girl was sad I videochatted her and set my nipple on fire on camera. That just shows how I'm a bit manwhorey when it comes to favors for girls. I don't really appreciate getting used by girls for cheap entertainment or so that they can be a little lazier but I don't mind it happening either. But I'll do stuff for friends when I'm sick. I'll do it when I'm in pain. It doesn't irk me. I'm one of the stronger types. Unless I'm really sick.

Still Sick So Excuse The Lateness

Yea, so I'm still sick so please excuse the tardiness on my posts. I've been so busy sleeping I don't really know what time it is during the day. Yesterday I didn't realize it was night until I looked out my window. But I don't have much to say mostly because I still can't focus long enough to share what I'm thinking. I have a different word for it that I think begins with a "C" but I don't remember what it is.

Sickness

I'm sorry that I haven't been posting well and faithfully in the past 2 days. It's because sadly I'm sick and can't concentrate or think of things clearly. My head hurts and I got a bitching cold. I can't even eat stuff, it just hurts and makes me feel weird. I honestly want to puke though, but I can't force myself to eat things. And I had a field trip at school today, it was horrible. I'm the guy that always pushes around my friend that has muscular dystrophy. I almost passed out. Just walking was hard. I was sick enough that I decided to take a giant jug of Tropicana Orange Juice because I needed the vitamin C. I didn't care that it made me look stupid, I just sat at lunch chugging it. But then I'm constipated too, not like it matters. I haven't eaten anything that I can shit out.

-.-

Again, nothing to say. This is really sad and bad.

Nothing to say

Sorry but I have nothing to say to you people today except for this sentence. From being too neglected and forgotten the post was not built.

Viva La Revolution

So I forgot to mention this but I started watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution ever since my health class. We were learning about nutrition and watched his T.V. show because they're an exposition of how unhealthy and cheap the school lunches are and how some of the food they give us was originally going to be used for dog food. Jamie Oliver revolutionized school lunches in England. There was some really interesting things and when I watched it all I was thinking was it's anything but white. Hispanic and African Americans have practiced the use of every part of the animal as food so as not to waste. Jews have practiced being the cheapest asswipes they can be. So when I found out that they spin fatty, germ infested beef to get the red meat out of it, then soak it in ammonia to kill germs so we can eat it I was about to puke. They use what's intended to be dog food and feed it to us. Now it's not a 100% deal though. They can only make the ground beef up of at the most 30% ammonia treated meat. But there's a worse side, the ammonia treatment is considered a process so they don't have to list it as an ingredient. Chicken nuggets are worse, I knew that there isn't enough meat on a chicken to use the breasts, wings, thighs, and legs to make nuggets and other ground meat based chicken products so they'd probably use the hunk of 40% bone that's left to make the ground meat. But, I didn't expect it to also include chicken skin and a whole lot of powders. The powder is just so that it'll look and taste like chicken. Yes, I said it correctly. They need to flavor chicken to taste like chicken. It didn't surprise me in most things but when I found out these things I hated it. Then Huntington, West Virginia needs to learn how to diet. I hope that fucked up town has changed and accepted Jamie. This kind of ties in with me though because recently I haven't cooked as much as most of the food we eat is pre-made, ordered, or processed. I've been wanting to get back into cooking but never got around to it so after watching Food Revolution I consider it a waking call to fix up our diets.

The Excitement, So Much To Wait For

So this week is kinda excitement for me. Not much really so I don't understand my title but I have two things I've been waiting for that are coming tomorrow. Well one of them may come on Wednesday. First off, I'm out of Health for the rest of the quarter and have P.E. again. For those of you who don't understand how momentous this is for me I've been behind in my cardio so when I match my 2 or 3 times a week cardio minimum with P.E. I get back into slimming down at the rate I was. Recently I haven't been putting on weight, which I shouldn't be but I shouldn't be losing any, but my stomach's gotten bigger by a little bit because I've been behind on daily exercise. I haven't been behind on my weight lifting, that's really hard to get behind on. The other thing I have to look forward to is that I finally get a legit pair of rave gloves like I've wanted for awhile. I ordered the Child's Play set and the Crayons set from EmazingLights along with a pair of glow gloves and cube diffusers. I got to mess with a legit pair earlier so I learned somethings I didn't know earlier, fixing a couple of misconceptions I had. They should arrive at the latest on Thursday and when I get them I'm just going to lock myself in my bathroom and start gloving. The reason I ordered two sets is because I can do experiments with the diffusers and strobes along with try something I'd been thinking of doing before which was a double glove set. That means 20 lights in the set because there's two to each finger. When I get good enough I'm definitely uploading a video. Give me a couple of weeks to get comfortable with them and I'll have one.

Nigger Ops

So as I've said about 10 posts earlier I got Black Ops II. It's a good game but I have some problems with it. I started playing the campaign and got confused as fuck because not a lot of the guns from the futuristic part of the campaign are used in zombies or I've heard of before. I can always just look at the stats but it's easier for me to already know what the gun's like such as how it reloads, the clip size, the mag size. You know, stuff that's not listed on the stat list. If they had it designed like that I'd wouldn't have that much of a problem with it. Then online play is fucky for me also because I don't know the guns. I know my favorite pistol is the B32R even though there's the Executioner and Python. The other two guns are good but I prefer the B32R because it's a burst type and easier for me to aim and reload. For light machine guns I fancy the Hamr. I don't know much about the other guns though because I haven't had a chance to fuck with them. I wish they had more guns available. I play Tranzit but always die too early.

I Hate My Confusion

So I've been confused as fuck lately. I know she doesn't like me. I honestly know that she doesn't. But all my head ever says is that she likes you. And I keep thinking about her. She's all I can think about now. Shit happened and I now I can't stop thinking of her. Then I have my friend comeover and he plays thinking about you by Frank Ocean and now that song is stuck in my head because I sympathize with that song. Even though I strongly dislike it I do. Only problem is I don't wonder if she thinks about me, I know she doesn't. Then there's another song that I listen to that makes me think of her which is Acting Up by G Eazy. Simply because I keep telling her I'm going to stop doing something but I haven't. That's also part of why I can't stop thinking, I delivered a promise to stop until the end of the school year, a promise I hope to keep. I guess you can call it a pledge. But this time I am going to change and I need to grow up. Another reason why I keep thinking of her when I listen to Acting Up is because I act immature too often. Way more often than I should. If anything she's probably disappointed in me. But she starts making these status updates after I made my promise that confuse the fuck out of me. Like I said, I know that they're not about me but my head keeps saying they are. And yea, I know it's an hour late. I fell asleep and woke up around 12:30. No I didn't forget about the blog.

I Got Nothing

Sadly I have nothing to talk about today and am just making this short, shitty post to keep up with the daily complaint I've kept going for over 200 days.

Is It Depression Or Just Melancholy?

So right now I currently don't know how to deal with my emotions. I don't know if it's depression, or if I'm just stuck in a melancholic trance.  Right now though I can't stop thinking of a certain girl, you all know who it is. I know she doesn't think of me though. But when I think of her I become melancholy. When I'm not thinking of her I'm sad. I'm sad just because well she's not my girlfriend, no matter what happens she'll never be my girlfriend or anything more than a friend for me. Thinking of her just makes me sigh and moan. All I can ever do is moan about her to my friends when I have nothing else better to do. And right now isn't a good time to be in this condition with my dad's return to the hospital. Despite his being a useless sack of shit I still care for him on some level. But this girl, she's going to be in my head forever on. I won't forget her, it's impossible. I'm just well in love. Pure and simple, I'm in love. Something as simple as contact with her brightens up my day. I'm in a better mental position than I was when I started this blog also. When this blog was started I was so deeply depressed over her hating me for my friend's antics. Now I'm in a better state that's deteriorating except this time it's out of loneliness. It's starting to kill me. I have many friends, yes I do. But, I don't have a girlfriend that I love and cherish. Don't think I will find one either, except in her. Oh well, I still prefer to live life day to day.

Alchemy

She took the gun, I looked in strife

She pressed to bone, I wept my wife

The trigger pulled, I grab a knife

But that's not even my sorry life

Yea, so my momma left and daddy's dead

It changed my heart from gold to lead

Saddest thing, they still here

Sitting there to build up fear

One day they will be gone

But to me that's already done

With that large void in my heart

I know I'll always do my part

It's alchemy in the purest sense

Slather emotion it gets more dense

Add on love to even it out

Now hate isn't what you're about

CAUSE IT'S alchemy, alchemy

Grow to love your enemy

learn to lose what you never had

Get something worse or better instead

So there was another change of heart

My parents never played a part

I owe my change to Blue and more

And now my friends I'm totally for

But Blue's been there for awhile

She's not just another piece of the pile

She kicked my heart from lead to gold

And I'll love her even when I'm old

I owe her a life debt I say

Unrepayable even at death I lay

Without her I'd haven't have survived this far

I'd probably be dead with my brain in a jar

It's alchemy in the purest sense

Slather emotion it gets more dense

Add on love to even it out

Now hate isn't what you're about

CAUSE IT'S alchemy, alchemy

Grow to love your enemy

Learn to lose what you never had

Get something worse or better instead

There is one other to attribute my change

With what initially started with pain

Now she is a pleasant friend

But I'll love her to the end

She and I will never be more

But still for her I'm always for

Id give her my life, or take one too

If you're seeing this I'd do anything for you

My love projects an endless bound

But never will it be found

By and but you or Blue

Because for you two my love is true

So this piece of what I fancy to be art I wrote in the car while my dad was doing errands. The first four lines are meant to be an intro because it's intended to be the lyrics to a song. Of course I don't have anything recorded, and even if I were to there'd be no piano, guitar, drums, nothing. It'd just me fucking up 4 or 5 times using a horrible recorder. My life debt is too large of an amount to Blue too. Just doing anything for her would still not be enough. And my one other, hopefully you are reading this, what I said is true. I'd do anything and everything for you. Not to get some favor but because my feelings for you are strong. I may sound like some 2nd grader that thinks he's in love but I'm quite mature for my age. I can attribute that to you and to my troubles within my family. 

Is My Life Falling Apart?

So my brother didn't manage to go to school today. He's had a truancy problem, but it's been fine for the past few weeks. Today, he just couldn't get up, he was ready for school but just couldn't get out the bed. My mom decided to overreact about it and flip out. Now she's threatening to leave, so I'm stuck with my brother and useless dad. Now my brother could manage to help, but even then my dad wouldn't get a job. My mom is what I need for money and so that I don't live as a poor little fucker that has even more to complain about. So now, my brother and I are staying up to clean the house so she can calm down a little bit and quit her bitching. It's honestly starting to piss me off. She freaking says she doesn't want to screw me over or watch me get screwed over because it's not too late for me. I don't think it's too late for my brother, it's definitely too late for my dad. But she says that, and that she doesn't want me to get influenced and screwed up because of anyone in my family, I'm the best set for a good future. But then she threatens to leave, even though she hasn't thought of it she should realize how much that's going to fuck me. I'm going to have to put up with my lazy ass dad who's going to be even cheaper and then my health will deteriorate. I'm not going to be able to get all my cavities filled, still have 4. Doing weightlifting may have to stop because I won't have room for a benchpress in the apartment I'd end up moving into. My social life will get fucked even worse. To think I can't get a girlfriend now, think of what'll happen when I sweet talk one and then when I take her back to me "house" she finds out my room is one I share with my brother and my basement I call a chill pad and kind of brag about when I'm in the mood is nonexistent. It will make me look like shit.

The Lazy Strikes Again

So recently I've returned to a  lazy slump in my life. I sleep a lot during the day. I skip days on lifting weights and pile them up on other days. I don't cook. I stopped running. It's just not good for me. The running I'm going to re initiate soon and only stopped because I never had my basement to myself, so I decided I'd start running a block or two everyday outside rather than running in my basement doing miniature suicides. Piling up weights though is bad, especially on those days I miss out on my cardio workout also. I can go 2 or 3 times a week without cardio but the full week isn't good. My guts started to grow slightly and I gained 2 pounds. But I also don't do my situps either to strengthen my abs. Right now I'm planning on changing around my exercise habits so that I can work my abs a lot better and build up a 6-pack by April. I was watching from videos and they said doing pullups with your legs lifted helps with that. I would but I'm still bad at doing pullups and can only do about 3 or 4 at the most. But this slump is going to end, and should end by the end of the week. Right now though I'm going to sleep because I haven't had any afternoon naps for the past few days because I've had to work on a project for school.

I Require Some GTA

So I've been playing Sleeping Dogs a lot ever since I got it for the XBox with my brother. And I've always loved open world games. When I got Skyrim I played that thing for 2 or 3 hours everyday.  But Sleeping Dogs gives you so much more opportunity in my opinion. I enjoy playing the game. So now I want to build a collection of open world games that are similar to GTA including GTA. I want all of the True Crime, GTA, Saints Row, games and any other's like them. It's just so fun. Right now I haven't focused much on ranks except cop rank in Sleeping Dogs. All I care about is getting money. Currently my cop level is I believe 8 while my face level is 4 and my triad level is 3. I only even worked on my face level so I can buy all the cars and clothes that I want. I spend most of the time on the game stealing cars and doing drug busts so it worked well. At one point I had close to 2 million to spend. But then I went and bought 6 cars along with all the clothes from 5 different stores. It was kinda interesting. Like seriously though, I only do jobs for Tran. No jobs for Raymond, mostly cause they pay shit, and barely any other jobs in general. I did all the drug busts because I wanted to get the cop move that lets you take guns out of the backs of the cars, imagine how disappointed I was when I found out that I can only get shotguns. They're nice and all but not my forte. Then I got most of my face level from the drug busts I did. Right now I have 2 A class motorcycles and a whole bunch of B class vehicles. What I did was rack up a whole bunch of cash then go to dealerships and buy everything, worked out pretty well.

Ahahaha Van Wilder

I'm a giant and dedicated fan of National Lampoon. I'm also a fan of American Pie. It's simple really, it's because they're all movies about Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol and funny as shit. So anyways, I'm wandering around in the vast library of Netflix and see Van Wilder: Freshman Year. Now I've seen this thing about 20 or 30 times already, it's one of my favorite movies, but I haven't seen it for a couple of months. I just rediscovered my love for these movies. I'm going to watch the rest of National Lampoon movies on Netflix and then rewatch all of American Pie from the first one to Reunion. It's going to be a great exploration of interest. And I think I know what to do. Have my friends Chentos_98 over and McDonalds, yes I realize I'm still using the stupidest nicknames ever, and watch all of them through the night. Be loaded up on monsters and enjoying the night. It'll be perfect I tell you. Perfect.