I'm sorry for all the times I fucked up, all the times I acted contrary to how I knew you'd prefer. To the times that I let you down which I grew to regret. I regret everyone of those decisions and that I didn't always cherish you, and when I did it didn't last long before I screwed up. You probably know that I'm still some googoo eyed dipshit over you still, just as much as you know I'm going to avoid you at all costs. In all honesty I want to fix things with you, but I doubt it'd ever happen. I'm hesistant to act out of fear that I'll mess up again and lose you again right after you blunder back into my life. But, if what the brown bitch has been relaying pertaining to you is true. The stuff he says you'd say about me, the stuff he says about you, I think I'm glad that things haven't been fixed. Despite my lack of closure, if what he says isn't some bullshit lie he uses to get to me, then I'd rather have you gone as well. Seeing as I probably won't know the truth behind all the bullshit for awhile, I more than likely am gonna continue to be a googoo eyed dipshit. But, I've been trying to rid myself of negative influence for a long time. You were the biggest positive influence on me, and your being gone leaves me in a more negative haze when I'm on my own. Like fuck, it's gonna have been a year since that retarded night in about 6 weeks. I know I say that like it's a short time and honestly it can be both long and short. But the time apart has left me miserable. Besides seeing you in class almost everyday, the fact that I can't just walk up and strike up a conversation with you which I see other people do just leaves me disgusted with myself for how retarded I'd act and how hard it was for me to break out of my tunnel vision. That's probably part of why I still quietly feel emotions for you that I try to stifle. Emotions I still haven't figured out yet. Emotions I still need an explanation for. I just don't want others to know the pain I feel on the inside, or at least why.Well, oh well. If you do read this, because this is only meant for one person and she knows who I'm talking about, I'm sorry that I'm still mentally broken into pieces smaller than dust.