So To The New Year?

So today's New Year's Eve, what a great joy. If the sarcasm isn't obvious it's because I don't see it as much of a holiday. It celebrates people getting drunk off their ass, but also pledging to fix themselves. Now the pledging to fix themselves is something that shouldn't be holiday oriented. It should just come naturally rather than a calendar telling you to. There's also my deadening enthusiasm to post again. I found when I'm feeling happier, I'm less prone to post because I don't have a need to complain or moan about what's wrong with my life. I could always make happy posts, but I'm having more trouble doing that than I did when I began. I'd like to say my New Year's Resolution is, as usual, to go back to being the jolly fuck  I used to always be. Even though times change, my previous personality is one that I missed. Sometimes being a total asshole seems more appealing to me, less need to stomach the gut wrenching fucks I see at school, a lot easier to externalize anger and annoyance. Of course, I still enjoy things how they are, I don't want to be a dick to people more, I just want to be able to smile, be social, and not feel like the weird kid that belongs in the corner of a party cause he can't make good conversation with anyone. I'm slowly feeling like Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye due to my momentous disgust of society and my slow growth to being more anti-social along with it. But my other resolution, which helps with growth in the first one, is removing my thoughts of her. I've been trying hard as fuck and it takes forever to get any progress. But as long as I still ponder thoughts of her, I'm still going to always feel depressed. My favorite thing about school, my reason for ignoring homework and doing what I find interest in, it's because it distracts me. Reading a boring ass book or doing math problems leaves my mind time to wander until it settles on a subject. But, atleast I know I can purge myself of my problem eventually.

Let's Write a Book

Eyes blazed red not just from the rage
He's still stuck trying to write the next page
But the last chapter's so long and drawn out
It's become everything that the story's about
The readers keep interest but what of the author
His mind is in it but his heart's for another
He hates where he is and wants to get out
But every time he leaves it's on a roundabout
As he rounds the next turn his mind's still a blur
Distorted and twisted by the thoughts of her
The thoughts that he never seems to escape
Even in sleep he feels wide awake
The feelings that seem to haunt everyday
The urges that seem to never go away
Because all he knows is his own pain
He reciprocates actions almost the same
Suffers in silence with his thoughts feeling faint
Can't lift his madness but makes it rain
The author lives everyday deranged
Never to find an ease to his pain

I kinda like these verses I wrote, express a feeling I have. As stated earlier, I got reminded by the most unexpected person well you should be able to guess who it was. Literally just a casual hey which I responded to with a question mark. She even gave me advice on being an Admin, including a message to relay to another one on the page. But I knew whatever I got was temporary, when school starts back up I'm going to continue to avoid her, not look at her, not talk towards her. Not just because I doubt she wants any attention from me, but even though talking to her was like a nice breeze to the face on a hot day, it's more comparable to a heroin needle. I'd enjoy it for then but the pain from not being able to continue enjoying it will be unbearable, is unbearable. I started to feel duller, less wandering thoughts about her, less strikes in the back of my mind everytime anyone talked about her in a conversation I was part of. But her talking to me made me lose that progress. I doubt it'll last long though. I'll be back to how I was before she decided to grace me within a week or two. But hey, even though I hate those feelings it's nice to know they're still there.

An Admin's World

Oh god, I need to get back into this. It's been so long, I mean IT'S ALMOST BEEN A MONTH. But being a facebook admin isn't as fun as I thought it would, especially when you're feeling more socially introverted than usual. Not knowing what to say, losing your natural ability to entertain people that aren't right there in front of you, it's really saddening to me. So I had a nice start, getting a good amount of likes on each picture I posted on the page, but then I kinda got lost along the way. Either I started picking bad content, or I already picked all the good content. If that weren't bad enough, if I didn't say it in my reopening post, I'm hated on the page. Not overly hated, thank astral being, but I've been called a tumor. Well, someone told me if he had a tumor he'd name it after me, which made me feel honored. Like people being dickholes is one thing, but if it's to someone that they don't know, or is trying hard enough to do something for them, you know reviving a page that was dearly loved, it's fuckboy shit to be an ass to them. But hey, then again it's the internet and they have a mindset of anyone new is murder to the page. There was another kid that kept complaining on the page about how shitty it's become and how he'd do better. Cause he thinks just cause it's offensive it's good content. He got to being an admin, which shut him up, and he can shit post sometimes. One of his pictures which was horridly dull  got reported, an old 9/11 joke with an xbox achievement pulled up on it. It didn't get jack shit on it either, which annoyed me more. There's one thing to post something that's offensive and funny, but to post something offensive and more worn out than a prostitutes slot, well then what the fuck. I honestly don't care much about offensive content seeing as I have a very desensitized and diluted radar for finding things offensive, and am more just wary of others. I can thank one of my friends for that, he likes to say fucked up shit in private, which got reciprocated by someone I don't really enjoy that likes copying him, except it was out loud to his class. Like fuck, I'm from the internet. You see fucked up shit everywhere. There's just a few things that can get to me. Like someone calling their own sibling a retard, which I personally find offensive. I mean shit, that's your flesh and blood atleast use a nicer term. But whatever, I have posted my own semi-offensive content on it. Specifically about how Justin Beiber should kill himself to truly be the Kurt Cobain of this generation.

Here, Have An Update

So I was reminded by the most unlikely person about my abandonment of this blog, which leads to my apology to anyone that actually enjoyed the rants and ramblings I have here. I didn't abandon it much by choice but because I found the stuff I was saying was just repeating what I've already said, and in general it was quite bland and uninteresting. It saddens me how much I've lost my sense of humor and ability to interact with other people. But so, I have an update on my life for anyone that may care to read. First off, I'm an admin on Hipster Darth Vader and I haven't done the best job but an ok one. I'm still trying to find good content, but my sense of humor can differ greatly from others. My pictures are so hit and miss and about 75% of them will get a good amount of likes, while the rest barely scrape up 5. But hey, atleast I'm an admin. I'm only even an admin cause she decided to leave the page so I asked for admin when the person she gave it to was looking. He wanted me to be one earlier so I got it. Another update, I have started listening to more Hoodie Allen. There's also some OCD: Moosh and Twist that I listen to. Both pretty nice artists to listen to, OCD is a black white duo, which always manages to produce nice music. Umm what else. Oh, I got another glove set, yes another one. That makes my 3 eLite one, this one is again the newest ones, Chroma. The Oracles were nice, but the Chroma, oh god the Chroma. I haven't even programmed them and I'm already obsessed with them. I have another light up toy now as well, Podpoi. I still need to learn them though, they're a lot different from poing with gloves. First day I got them I hit myself in the face four or five times right off the bat. I'll try to get back to posting on here though. I just haven't had anything to say in awhile. My final update though, my hair is LONG. Not as long as my brother's used to be, sadly used to be. He shaved his hair which he's been growing for like a full year. But my hair turns out to curl, not super curly, but it has about 2 inch curves to it. I think, more like hope, it's just a few weeks from a ponytail. I've been growing it for awhile without the cut it so it grows faster technique. I really wanna get dreads, something a couple people have told me to do, but my hair is too slick. Whether I wash it or not it can't get braided that easily.

:/

I could use someone to talk to right now.

Me

Blink, Blaze, the infamous Fuckboi
Facets of many but the name of the only
The chillest nigga you'll ever chill with
The biggest dick you ever fucked with
Just roll up at my crib and walk right in
Don't care who you are no reservation
This ain't a restaurant but you're served like it is
Food up front and it seems endless
Don't know who you are, and honestly don't care
Just welcome you in you can sit over there
In a chair, on the ground, on a bitch's lap
Just get comfy and try hard to laugh
My life is a party but not like G Eazy
I live life to laugh and stay from the sleazy
My dick still clean and left untouched
But that don't mean that I can't give it rough
The weekend partier needs to party hard
So let's sneak out and cruise in the car
Lets crack a bottle and drink til' we fall
Don't care about the age cause nigga fuck the law

You fuck with me well then you get beat
Laid out on the ground you're just a sack of meat
Tenderized filleted and juicy to extreme
I'll teach you better than to mess with me
That includes my friends, my family, my crew
If people were money you'd call me a jew
I don't let go and I protect every cent
Cause if you fuck with them I don't care where I'm sent
You're gonna be broken to every fuckin end
Not just the face but also your mind
Once you fuck with them it ain't a waste of time
Just a fast one two then a quick three four
Then a kick hit hit and you're bleeding on the floor
My family off limits cause my family is me
You leave them alone if you like to breath
Cause only one nigga touches them, that nigga's me

I respect where it's due and curses won't earn it
Profanity's just words not a badge of courage
Not something to follow just a word that you spout
To seem like you're bigger when you're small as a mouse
Better watch your language cause it reflects who you are
The curses I spit are a lick of how far
I'm willing to go but aren't aggressive like yours
They're expressive in manor emotions procured
While you spout your words cause you know no better
You think you look tough but you just look deader
Think before you speak and speak before you act
Because what you say you might want to take back
The "burns" that you use and the names you call me
Don't do any damage but misrepresent me
They show how stupid the stupid can be
Because you misjudge, so you lost to me

So I gotta say, I'm proud of this one. Kinda like a reintroduction to who I am. As usual, I'm the chillest of the ill and the illest of the chill  and honestly prefer to relax, fuck around, and let shit happen. I don't really regard what's allowed and what is, I just focus on the prime goal, having fun. Cause if you can't enjoy your life then what's the point of life? Then the second verse clearly states my overprotective state. Where there's a lot more than just fucking with me, that's considered fucking with me. I don't just sit and watch as someone connected to me takes shit, because only he or she gets shit from me or someone else in the group. Outsiders need to watch it before they get it. Then the final is like my warning. My stating that I'm choosy about who I respect and I don't respect the little shits that think cursing makes them look tough and crap. Respect is something earned, not taken. You can't earn anything just by spouting curse words. Despite Lil Wayne, he did have a come up on his career before the every other nigga pattern to his lyrics. The final thing is, even if you don't respect me you gotta think before you just straight up disrespect me. Because I'm not the type that gets pushed around unless I allow it.

The Illest of the Ill

So, firstly, I'd like to apologize for my recent dry spell of babbles. Seeing as I make about one every week now, and sometimes not even that frequent, I feel bad. Especially since my weekly babble doesn't normally have any quality. Well this one, I hope, should have some nice quality to it rather than being a brief complaint, a verse of an unfinished rap, or any other short shit that I put up here.

Now if you couldn't tell, this post is going to be about music. Besides just my usual, babbling about rap, I'd like to make a proclamation. MY BROTHER IS MOVING ON WITH HIS MUSIC CAREER. That looks a lot more special that it truly is. By him moving on, I mean he's making his debut open mic night at a restaurant near my house. Honestly, he's a pretty skilled G-tarist but I don't know what to expect. His usual is heavy music riddled with profanity, or atleast listens to. And his writing? Well I don't normally hear lounge type music, more of a screamer or a some rap song mixed with electric. He does have some mellowed out songs though. You can check them out here : (I'll put it in when I find it myself, he had it posted but he deactivated his facebook, or maybe blocked me but I doubt he blocked me)

So to the bulk of this post though, RAP. Yes, as you predicted I wanted to blab about the infamous genre that makes up most of what I listen to. Currently besides Flatbush Zombies and The Underachievers I've been listening to other not so well known rappers. By not so well known, I mean rappers that have never been mentioned here, or are still relatively new to being mentioned here. Also there's the new Eminem album, really loving it. Well it has a bit of a different tone in a lot of songs. I do like Bezerk and as of yet need to listen to the rest of the album. The tone in Rap God, which is still well written, is the one that I'm talking about. A low, slightly underlyingly depressed tone that makes me think he's not just bragging but moping also. As for the other rappers. Right now my preferences are for ScHoolboy Q and Ab-Soul. They've done work with Kendrick Lamar but they haven't achieved the hardcore publicity that makes rappers better known. There's also Joey Bada$$. All pretty sick rappers. Personally, of the two songs I've listened to by ScHoolboy Q, who I found through a Youtube Mix, are pretty sick. THere He Go and Collard Greens are nice. Of course, THere He Go is more of a bragging song, but Collard Greens is just a chill song where you could just drift off listening to. Ab-Soul's song Terrorist Threats is great. Especially the line, "If all the gangs in the world unified, we stand a chance against the military tonight" ScHoolboy Q and Ab-Soul are label mates with Kendrick Lamar, which explains the collaborations, but they also belong to a group called Black Hippy. As for Joey Bada$$ I can't pick out a specific song that I like by him, mostly because I listen to him on Youtube mixes and never looked at the titles, but he's done some nice work. Actually now that I look through my history, there's one he did with Captial STEEZ called Survival Tactics. Although he goes with a popular metaphor right now, the BITCH I'M A MARTIAN, thing I'd say he's pretty original. With the start after the gun shot I got hooked. Now the final rapper I have to talk about is Chance the Rapper, I haven't listened to much of him and still have to listen to more of him, as I do for the rest of the rappers, but the song he does with Hoodie Allen is pretty nice. Now that I think about it I need to download some YONAS also. Now for 5 or 6 videos.