The Empty World

Live and let live, forgive and forget

My life is empty but I'm not dead yet

The pain that I've suffered I've suffered long

But now my pain has become this song

My pain isn't just me anymore

I've shared it with the whole empty world

And now my pain has built my strength

In this dead world I could take on a tank

In this dead world the earth is mine

Everything doesn't have a line

Cause in the end there's only me

Staring at nothing quite happily

But from the nothing floats a mist

The shape distorts until I know who it is

It becomes the girl I see in my dreams

But I know her in real life, or so it seems

Ok so I guess I lied. This is the last fruit of my deep depression period that I experienced for a week. This was intended to be another set of song lyrics but I think it actually works better as a poem. I now just realized though, I can use this plus the other 3 pieces I've written to create a finished rap. Each part is a verse and I just need a refrain. Or I could shorten this and use it as a refrain. Hehehehe. My writing's improved a good amount lately. My work in slow progress, "Faith in Religion", has been well added to and reviewed by my friends. One said I put too much emphasis on race in parts of it but I have it set in Mississippi and intended to be a really racial part of it. That way someone that isn't white isn't going to fit in well. Same with someone that isn't a catholic. Then there's these four fruits of pain that I've written. If I were to use this part as the refrain I'd title the song, Empty World. It fits because in it I talk as if I've been alone all this time and everything and everyone I know is just a construct of my own mind. The mind is quite elaborate and if you look into it you'll find that something like that is possible. If it is it just means I'm a hallucinogenic lunatic. The first verse would be the one from the post titled "Don't Die" and of course I'd tweak it. If I didn't edit the raps and shorten them then I'd have like a 10 minute rap that didn't have a good flow in between verses and refrain. Also the second rap I wrote doesn't really fit into this one well. Now that I think about it neither is the third. The third and second fit as well together as this one and the first. Hmmmm. I need to rethink some shit.

Last For A While

This depression is killing me, my life torn to shreds

In a literal sense, no it's not nothing physical yet

My tears dried years times ago

I see her and my mind shouts no

But my heart shouts yes and pushes me on

My mind shut off my body goes on

She tells me no, but I hear a yes

Not from her but it's from my head again

No matter what I think I know words are words

And I just wish that I thought they were

But my mind says no that it can't be true

The beautiful Blue must be in love with you

But then she says wait, her words are true

So who do I listen to me or you

But wait who's you, who's reading this

I know who's this for but it's probably worth shit

I just want her to be in my life

Don't care whether she's my friend or wife

I just want her, I just need her

My life is empty if it doesn't have her.

So she and I are talking again but I wrote this when I wrote yesterday's post. I'm not sad, naaa. Like loving her isn't all that painful, at least she's still my friend. But these days I had like a burst of artistic inspiration from being saddened over her. I even managed to add more pages to a book that I've been writing because it's a dark story and I could add to it. I stopped just because I got bored and didn't have a drive to work on it more. But here's the probable last for awhile of quality rap that I've written. It's this type of stuff that amazes me that rappers manage to release a record a year. 

Haha. My Artistry

Just to see your name, It gives me a jolt of pain

My heart starts to throb and my head starts to bob and the next thing I know everything's lame

My view on life's been distorted and shit. It's been pushed and pushed far past it's limit

My skin feels the blade, my world turns to haze, my head stained red from the wrists that I slit

But that's not scratching the surface, I'll look back reading and realize what was worth it

I'll regret the day that I asked you those things, keep wishing it'd stop happening

To go back to normal, to leave things the same. Only I am the one to blame

So now I must fix this mess that I made. I've been a good boy and that's how I'll stay

I pick up the shards from the friendship I smashed. I glue it together slowly not fast

I forget the romance I thought that we had. I look back on things and realize how bad

I had it for you, more like I have it. But a life without you is not worth shit

All the times in the past that I've fucked up. They can't amount to the trouble that I stirred up

In those six words my world came to crash. In the game of life I got shot to last

But now all I care is for you to forgive me. These days without you, they feel so empty

As long as we're friends the fun never ends, despite the fact that I'm melancholy

So this is a serious rap, it would actually need to get recorded for the flow to be figured out well. Somehow the past to raps I've written I actually consider quality rather than shit I post because I have nothing else to post. And this rap does have some meaning. I don't know if I've said this here yet but I love Blue with a burning passion and although I've said it was as a sister it's honestly more than that. When I go to sleep sometimes I'll end up imagining her in my arms, yea I know really creepy sounding. But I started getting delirious and talked to her like she was my girlfriend and that didn't end well. I asked her out too, and afterwards I kept talking all loopy and mentioning love to her even though she rejected me. I hate myself for that, I really do. But hey, I fell for my best friend. And all the other times I've pissed her off can't amount to all the trouble I caused when I started talking all loopily and deliriously to her. It's just been this week. It's been a shit week and my brother hasn't been home. Just the loneliness because he was the only person I liked in my house and then the longing to talk to Blue as more than a friend came together and caused me to go off the end. I was going to wait until at least I'm a junior before I asked her out that way I'd be more mature mentally and more of what she deserves. Oh well, I don't know what's going to happen, I just hope she stays at least my best friend.

One Of These Days

So if there's one thing that's always interested me it's been the human mind. Now I have a good understanding of it but I would hate to be a counselor or therapist or anything along those lines. On my list of top 5 people I don't like counselors rank as number 2. I just don't like them. They sit there and talk to you and then they're allowed to be asses and such and you can't just sit there and raise your voice. Even more some of them are asses and if you piss them off they decide that you need to be treated longer and for someone like me I'm required by my parents to say yes. But one day I will end up being sent to the school counselor for something retarded that happened and I will totally enjoy myself and screw with the bitchtit. Personally I want to sit upside down and start to babble and act insane, it's always fun to do that. But the Rorschach test is fun to screw with them during also. Just sit there and say I see someone getting killed or something violent and then they write it down and look at you weird. I had one that had asked me to play with some clay and I made a woman's body then proceeded to finger it in front of her. Then I remade the woman into a knife and was poking my wrist. The way I see it is that a therapist's office if for where games are played. They try to get in your head but if you don't let them and mess with them instead things get interesting. Then it becomes about who can be more insane than the other.

Need Some Duckets

So I've been having a shortage of money, just like a couple of people I know. And then I was watching videos on youtube, mostly ones about spray paint art because a girl I know was going to make what she called galaxy art. Then I started thinking about the saying one man's trash is another man's treasure. And really it is. I've been known to make a lot out of crap. Like for christ's sake I made a fucking nice ass meal for 4 people once using just 10 bucks. Of course also when I move out I'll probably have to get used to shopping in thrift stores because I won't have much money and I'll be saving up so I can furnish my house with a nice T.V., something you can't find at a thrift store, and a nice computer. You'd find it pretty impressive what I can do with 10 bucks for a meal. Knowing me if I had some stuff like seasoning and equipment I can make a pretty delicious and welcoming soup. Yea I know, I said soup. When I say that you're thinking, oh you have it premade or ramen packs. I do use ramen packs, but I add lots of other things into the soup that cost me about a total of 10 bucks. If the ramen, water, and equipment is already there I can make it work really well. It doesn't even really taste much like the instant ramen you'd be used to having. So enjoy some Macklemore, the only song by him I actually like also.

Don't Die

Just sit back and watch as I twist your head around

With my quick darting tongue that never made a sound

As I spit sick shit you'll never be the same

Your sucky ass life is what there is to blame

Not saying that mine is better than yours

Cause I got my problems and you got yours

My life it ain't solved, it's far from it

But all you care about is who's on your dick

All you care about is a life without problems

But if you've had them once then you know how to solve them

As I sit here altering your perspective on life

Think about what's wrong and drop that knife

Every life is sacred, no matter how bad

And no one deserves to feel my kinda sad

You live and you learn but to live comes first

Staying the same you can only get worse

A life without problems is no life at all

Cause as you stand up you start to fall

What you have to drive you is what makes you go

It's what should matter most in your whole world

Don't lose your life because someone told you off

No matter what they say they aren't the boss

That crap that they spout is how they deal with themselves

If you take what they say you're like a book on the shelf

Your life will get written by another not you

And on your death bed who is the true you

I wrote this because I've been kinda having a shit week I don't care to go into and it's just a message. There's so many people, some of which I hope will read this, that think they have things bad off and that they're feeling worse than anyone else ever could. But there will always be someone that feels worse than them. And any problem can be solved, it's good to have problems because without problems you have no wisdom and can't learn to improve. But the answer that should never be given in suicide because that can't solve a problem, it only makes more.

Hrmp Nothing

I have nothing again. If I were in the mood to I'd post a relevant post but it's just this week. It's been just slow and sad and I can't really process much to think of something that could pose an interest to you readers I'm probably losing. I just wish this shit would cool down soon enough.

Fuck Off

No I'm not going to be posting anything tonight. Good night.

Sorry For Being Late, But I Warned You Peoples

So I started writing this article at 12:25 so I'm only 25 minutes late. I'm late because I didn't have much sleep the prior night/morning and also had a long day so when I got home at 9:00 I just went to sleep right away. As for my day, I have good news. My suspension is practically lifted where if I decide to be a good boy for the rest of the school year and other people find me to be one that I get away and the suspension isn't on my record. I took all my midterms so I don't have to go to school for the next 2 days either. My life has just been drama built up together this weekend. With the suspension and my brother and other things it's just kept piling up. My mental stability is not in any good condition. Me snapping is very probable and if I were to it wouldn't be enjoyable for anyone. Especially if I end up needing to go to a mental hospital, that'd just be a nightmare. Counselors and doctors asking me pointless questions that I don't want to answer and I would fight going every chance I get. Then tomorrow I have family counseling and that's going to be horrible for me. To sit in a room with a probably crackpot analyzing me and my family just will annoy me and make me worse. I probably wouldn't say anything either and it would play no purpose for me to be there except confirm my insanity. I would just sit in a corner staring off to the distance and chewing on my fingers through my sleeve.

Am I Emazing or What?

So my "avid readers" should by now know that with my pun on the word amazing I'm talking about gloving right about now. Well why yes, I am talking about gloving. I got a delivery today from Emazing because I needed new batteries and decided I'd buy some gloves and cube diffusers. The diffusers surprised me with how small they were and using them while gloving will take some getting used to, but they're pretty nice. I got them originally because I had wanted them for stack tricks, but I've also wanted to try out some transitioning using them. As for gloves rather than the traditional white ones I got fuzzy ones which I'm wearing right now and am happy to say are quite comfortable and soft and I got blacked out ones. Blacked out just means that except for the finger tips the gloves are black. I can't wait until I get a good, quality, camera to record myself gloving on because my webcam on my laptop doesn't work well for it just so I can show any possible viewers I have my talent. Also of course I want to show Blue it because she's shown a fascination in it. So yea,  it's just an update on my gloving and what rave accessories I bought online but atleast it's better than the post I made yesterday. Now I'm just going to post some gloving videos, nothing special. Enjoy the Gambit glove set and Sharky from Team [E]'s tutorial on stacking.

*Sigh*

Sadly, I have nothing at all to say today. I would if I could but I can't think of anything to say. I'm just off with all the things that have happened recently, and to top it off I can't think to say anything to random strangers. I'm sorry internet and possible viewers, but today's post is meaningless.

Free Azn 2013

So due to family matters I had to leave a good amount of League of Legends games early and ended up being banned for the day because some people are unforgiving for me leaving with a reason. I tell them it's family drama but they probably don't even believe me. I had to leave one game though to take a long shit and came back and even though it didn't hurt because we were winning the game I got raged at and reported for it. Why does it matter? I left the game when I was lvl14 and I was dragging behind because I'm still getting back into playing with Udyr so I don't get why it mattered that I left. Once I do get back into it though I'm going to totally rape with Udyr like I normally did. Oh well, I'm not going to have long posts for awhile because of family drama and I'm also kinda tired right now. Good night people of the internet.

Fuck This Shit, Jk

So right now the post is late with a viable reason. I can't exactly explain why because it's very personal and sensitive, no it has nothing to do with my suspension. But it's family matters. So don't be surprised if I don't post on time.

I Hate Being At Home

So today I was suspended due to someone not thinking he should be made fun of but feeling he's allowed to be an ass to people. He bullshitted the administration so now I can't go to school all of next week. It's only midterms and I can make it up though so honestly I don't care. What I do care about is that my parents are getting involved and I'm telling them not to make a big deal and start causing shit but they're doing it anyways. If I get in more trouble just because they decided to get involved, something I told them not to do, I'm going to be pissed. My dad will be like shut up because he'll know that I was right and my mom will keep apologizing. I just don't have time for this shit and not in the mood for it either. I got in trouble because of a threat where I just made it look like my brother might get pissed at me for getting in trouble because the kid's been complaining to guidance about being bullied, when it's not like he's not doing anything. I got pissed cause he's acting like he's innocent and doesn't provoke anything. He hates me. He wants me to get fucked over and he told people he wanted to get me expelled. His status update was, today was a good day. The only reason I'm even in trouble is although the administration finds me innocent they can't just give me a clean slip and say don't do it again. They're required to do stuff about it or else they get in trouble. All that administration really cares about is keeping the parents happy. I just hope my parents to aggravate the situation the way they normally do or else I may actually be looking at expulsion, they always push it.

Je Ne Suis Pas Francais

So for those not fluent or intelligent in the French language the title means, I am not French. This is brought up because I don't know much about France and yet I'm taking French this year. It kinda makes me want to study for my midterm that I have next week because there's culture on it and I don't know a damn thing about the culture. The teacher has taught me some stuff, but not much. She mostly tells us to ignore it and focus on learning the language. I don't find the language that hard, translating from French to English is pretty simple for me, but English to French is a little hard. I hope that the test is multiple choice, it'll make it easy as fuck for me to get an "A" on. But there's also the possibility of me going to France this summer. The reason I say possibility is because my dad offered to send me to France over the summer but I have other plans. I wanted to do some online courses so that I have extra credits done for school and can feed my GPA. This summer I wanted to take French II and English 10 along with World History so that next year I can leave a core class out of my schedule, take weightlifting in its place, and take French III. The World History is so that I can feed my GPA and take AP Euro or Human Geography, whatever I don't take next year, over the summer after. But if I were to go to France over the summer I wouldn't be able to do much. I'm shy you know, after I start talking to someone I can keep talking but I can't just start talking to most people, especially strangers. So going to France and spending a month or so in a foreign country that doesn't speak primarily English along with not knowing anyone there is a nightmare for me. For all I know I may end up agreeing to get anally raped by someone because of the language barrier.

No, It's Just Late

So my sleeping habits have really managed to fuck me this time. I have my blog has a high priority on my list just because of the way it's managed to help my writing skills and such so I want to make sure I write in it once a day and try to have at least a paragraph. Well this time, because yesterday I had a caffeine overdose showing from my blog post having some sense but also have a lot of repeats and jumps, so I was up for 36 hours straight. But seriously though, you should watch John Dies At The End because it screws with your perception of things along with a whole bunch of other hub bub. It's like theory, philosophy, and reality were holding a mass orgy with all their cousins in your brain causing a total mindfuck in it. The Caffiene rush really fucked me in other ways too though, atleast the way it seems to me. I ended up professing my love to Blue. I've done it before but I kept professing my love to her while mentioning a whole bunch of theoretical shit that kept jumping back to my telling her I love her. I was talking about suicide and life though because my brain's rush of stuff. I contemplated it. So basically, I want to know the point of life due to human curiosity. But you can't truly answer that question until you're dead. But if you're dead can you answer the question? So I ended up doing a mini-experiment and explained it to her also. I literally said that I may sub-consciously push her away because my life has ended up revolving around her and my laptop and I can't remember what it was like prior to having Blue involved in my life. So pushing her away would be like a metaphorical suicide. But I also wanted to answer a question that I always had trouble answering, why do I love her. I can't answer that until I don't have her again. The only problem is that just not talking to her for a day makes me feel different. I also don't want to push her away but I already pissed her off so I get to not talk to her for awhile, at least on facebook. But at least she got up at 4:00 because she needed to do work and kept me company for 1 hour and 40 minutes while I was probably insane out of my mind with all my mumbling.

John Dies At The End

Who Is God Here?

So I've always been a minimalist, an optimist, and someone that was always for living in the moment. Those three things always made is so I could be happy with nothing and when there was a chance to get something I always took it because even if I fail, things will always turn up. But then I have one of those moments (two so far) where I've just sat in the dark for 2 hours trying to sleep but instead having "Philosophical Breakthroughs".  I've always had this on my mind but I never really elaborated on it. Like think about this, why is it that people are always self-centered and can we really blame them? It goes back to the title, "Who's God Here?" because honestly who is. I'm looking out of my eyes and I see other people, when I call one person selfish it also means another person is either a victim or is self-less. Honestly, anything with consciousness is required to be self-centered, one way or another it is going to be. Likes take this, just me sitting in my basement and watching a movie with my brother. How do I know that I'm not really asleep or in a coma and all of this is a dream? How do I know that the world that I've known for 15 years is actually just some other person's toybox or someone's dream? How do I know that it's not anything to do with me, and in reality it's my brother's world. Right now my brother is the only real thing that is also conscious in my basement and that I'm just a figment of his imagination. We don't know, the theory on universes is just the same with realities. There are an infinite number of them and they keep remaking and recreating and destroying themselves for infitnitum and never will stop. The theory on life is there is no theory. What defines life here? What even defines reality? But most of all, why is it that we live. You ask people they're going to give you reasons but you're never going to know. Now I'm not contemplating stabbing myself in the throat to find out what it means to die and see if I become a god. To test the borders of reality one would truly have to die. Just as much as they'd have to test the borders of life. Just to simply find out the meaning of life you'd have to be without it first, then you'd truly know why it is that you wanted to live in the first place. And I feel like I'm going in circles, just like my brother is right now as I listen to him. And also you should watch John Dies in the End because it helps to elaborate on reality and the flow of things.

The Music Connection

So as I've said before there's a wide variety of music that I listen too. Now one of the artists that I personally enjoy quite a bit and was introduced to me by Blue was Omar Linx and Zed's Dead. They also happen to be a popular rave group that has done venues in DC before, specifically at Mega on New Years. The song that she showed me was You and I which I really do enjoy because of the lyrics and just I feel connected to it especially in the beginning. With the way that my dad and sometimes my brother treat me nowadays sometimes I wonder if they even want me around. I know that they need me around, if I left the house would fall apart because there'd be no one to do a good amount of work so it'd just get messy, stay messy, until my mom goes on a bitch rant. But no, even though my mom has shown her appreciation for my efforts it's not my mom that I feel like is the only one that wants me around. The only person that's never mean to me except when it's hearing me in pain, but hey I would too, is Blue. Honestly, I do feel like she is the only one that wants me around. I used to be a serious fuckboy who no one wanted around and even then she was there to talk to me. Now I do have friends, and most I can trust, but even then I do manage to annoy them. Blue is just always there for me, even when she's mad at me. The friendship she and I share is a very valuable thing to me that I wouldn't sell to have everything I could ever want in the world because I feel like I have it right here. Another song by them is Rudeboy. One line in particular "The devil took me in and now he pray to God to take me back" just reflects the way that I do things. Besides the fact that I always have a side motive most of the time there's also just my need to cause trouble. It's in a very sadistic manner at some points too. Doing things such as terrorizing girls on facebook and just emotional abuse that I can dish out is just a scratch. If I had the time and patience and really felt like it I could manage to be quite the successful facebook admin because I meet all the qualities. But the sadism I now reserve for those that I feel truly deserve it. For example, one friend ( I honestly refer to him as mine and Chentos' Bitch) decided he was going to say he was going to throw my candy which at that point was a potential 46 dollar worth in the trashcan. So I confronted him about it, he said he wouldn't pay for or pick it up. Well honestly if he were to do that then I would pick the candy up out of the trashcan and put it away but before any of that I would help myself to getting a trashcan stuck to his head by casually slamming it on top of his head and while he's knocked out bending it around him so that he can't get it off. I won't care to pay for the trashcan, it's more about the idea of teaching a lesson to someone. YOU DON'T FUCK WITH PEOPLE'S STUFF. If it involves money it's something different than if it's jokes. But there's these pricks that think that they can make fun of you but you can't make fun of them so they think OH HEY I KNOW I'LL FUCK WITH HIS SHIT. The most fucking with people's shit I've done is messing around with their papers. But there's pricks that don't see a difference and just see it as revenge. Well for those that may be reading this that know me, if you dare to do that shit, be prepared to be severely damaged. Damn, this post got off topic. Oh well, ENJOY LE MUSIC OF LE LINX.

Ugh, Must Stay Up

So I woke up around 12:30 today but had a really long day so staying up til' just 12:00 is hard for me. I have stuff to do. Besides me wanting to play videogames more often I still need to lift weights and try a second attempt at steam drying my basement's carpet. Most of all, I require to do my homework. Of course the homework will come second to last because basement steam drying and weight lifting is a higher priority. It shouldn't be too hard for me to stay up though, just another hour or so and I'll be done for the day. Steam Cleaning the carpet is going to be the easiest. But the priority list is Lift Weights, Steam Clean, Do Homework, Play Videogames Until I Require Sleep. I could throw some other stuff in there but I don't care that much about them.

Beware The Flood

No it's got nothing to do with Noah's Ark, and no it's got nothing to do with Halo. I just used that phrase because it seemed like a nice one to use. But what did happen involves water, and enough to really get annoying. The toilet in my basement was horribly installed so it would sometimes run the water nonstop and my brother and I had to cut the water to it every now and then to keep it from overflowing. Well this time it got clogged or something and ended up overflowing. Then it kept the water running for about 2 or 3 hours and ended up running off into the rest of my basement. It didn't soak all of it but it got about half of it and sadly my basement is carpeted. The carpet was soaked throughly and almost got to soaking my brother's fancy computer too. I tried to dry it out using a steam cleaner but the cleaner is old and I don't know how to use it much less look up how to so basically I'm stuck with a soaked basement for a while unless I want to go and use a hairdryer. I hope I figure out the steam cleaner soon, I don't know how long I'll be able to deal with a soaked basement.

Taking The Challenge

So I decided to do the Banana Sprite challenge because of sheer boredom at home and it resulted in a complete fail. The basic idea is you eat 2 bananas that expand in your stomach and then you chug 2 litres of Sprite which makes you puke cause of the carbonation and your stomach can only hold about 1.9 litres. When I did it I downed about 3/4 of the Sprite before I had to stop because my stomach was just bloated. I tried to drink even a little bit but it went out 5 seconds later. I'm going for round to in about 20 minutes though, hopefully I can finish the bottle before I puke. To be honest, I haven't puked, like blow chunks all over the place, for about a year now and I really miss using it to get out of school. In the neediest moment to puke I haven't been able to, it just doesn't feel right anymore.

Ching Chong in the Bing Bong

So I went to a highly rated Chinese restaurant today with my dad, mom, and one of his friends that owns a couple of IHOPs. This is in all senses my favorite restaurant in the world but it's really expensive, the cheapest dish is 15 bucks and most dishes are around 20 to 25 but it's really good. My favorite thing there was always the Peking Duck, the dish that the restaurant is named for and probably their most expensive one also, and then I liked their pickled cabbage which I'd eat with their equally great garlic sauce. Now from the sound of it garlic sauce should be something offputtingly bitter but it's actually quite sweet and buttery. Today I was being spoiled by the waiter though, most of them recognize us because we normally eat there about once a month, he decided to give me soda and, even though I said it as a joke, he gave me a soup container full of garlic sauce. It honestly surprised me because he knew it was a joke but he still gave it to me. The only problem is garlic sauce goes bad in about a week and I don't know all that I'm going to be able to use it for besides bread, which I don't have any fresh bread to eat it with. I'd normally eat it with rice but oh, there's no rice either. Well there's fried rice but it's better with white rice. I can always use it for what it's meant to be used for and eat it with toaster mini egg rolls but those things are starting to get me sick. Last time I had them it was fresh from my George Foreman grill which has become hard to clean so there was a good amount of accumulated grease on it. The egg rolls are irresistible though so even though I didn't want to eat a lot so as not to get sick I couldn't help but eat a whole bunch of them. Oh well, if you're ever to go to Northern Virginia and have a fat wad you want to spend be sure to go farther up North to Peking Duck, you won't regret it. The walls are plastered with photos of dignitaries and celebrities that have gone there. There's quite a few pictures of George Bush and I know for a fact there's one of John Travolta.

Not So 4M473UR No More

This is an obvious reference to my earlier post about my gloving ability and I must say, I have managed to improve my ability with gloving. Now, I still have trouble with doing finger rolls and personally hate doing them, but I have a basic ability with it. I can also do something called digits except with my pinkies, now I have to practice digits more often because it screws the shit out of your knuckles and I don't exactly know how to explain it without showing you in person. My transitioning ability is what I'm personally proud of, from always messing around in the mirror I mastered a flow so that one thing going to the next and is fluid rather than it being like ok, I did this, now I'm going to do this. What I do have trouble with though is matching my gloving with the music still. I do practice, and what I do is always dependent on my mood as is the music that I listen to that day, but matching gloving with music has become hard for me.

Laaaggggg

So I dunno why but for some reason my computer decided it'd start to lag the fuck out when I play online games. I recently got a driver update and it involved the internet so that may be it but I just don't know. I checked with my brother and he wasn't lagging at all. But this lag has cost me some stuff. I lost two games in League of Legends because I kept dying from lag and then when I went Mapling I died a couple of times which depletes your experience. It was working just fine yesterday though which is just making me think what the fuck happened. What could have happened besides the updates? I guess my laptop just has to adjust a little bit before it stops lagging but if it keeps lagging I'm not playing when I say I will just reset my computer. Half of what I use my computer for is to play videogames so if I lose that then I don't know why I'd just keep using. But then again I already activated the security program on my computer so if I reset it I need to buy a new security program also. Well I'll figure something out.

-.- nothing

So today there is no post containing intelligent stuff because while sitting here, thinking of what to write, I fell asleep.

Gonna Go Mapling ^.^

So as I said before I got a new computer. For whatever reason randomly Maplestory, one of my most favorite games in the world, would stop working on my computer. I don't know what happened but it would just stop working. So I ended up taking about 3, 6 month breaks between playing from when my computers stopped letting it play and when I got a new laptop. But I've started playing it again and all I can say is DAMN. I started playing it when it first came out and always played it a lot, but I fell in love with the classic version, not this updated bullshit that they've turned it into. I still play it though, I just prefer the older versions. After the Aran they made the characters level way too fast, my brother got a level 90 (max level 100) in 3 days. I would prefer if they didn't make Evan and up as easily levelable as they did so that you can better enjoy the game and finish quests. That's another thing, after they created party quests they got rid of the idea of doing quests. People just grind 20 levels in a day because they did a party quest over and over rather than going out and doing quests. But back to what I was saying, then when they reorganized the maps, quests, and levels of everything that's what just got to me. It ruined it. But coming back to it, after 6 months, I just didn't know what I was doing because of how much they changed the game. Another thing I dislike is Ardentmill because I prefered the maker skill to use when acquiring equipment rather than actual mining. It made me think they tried to turn it into a side-scroller version of WoW. My favorite character to use is my Aran that is only level 90 right now. It's not that impressive compared to other characters and people but he has a low growth and I don't play more than an hour or so a day. My second favorite to use is my Cannoneer which leveled fast because of the way they screwed with the game.

Haha, EPIC FAIL!

So I was bored and had my friend over and we were watching music videos on Youtube. For some reason on an Eminem song I got a suggestion to go to a epic fails/wins compliation video that lasted me 15 minutes. While watching the video I reminisced about all the many fails I've had in school and out. Things like when I was riding down a hill on my bike and crashed. Boy have I had many. There was one where I'm playing basketball in gym and one of my friends had tried to steal the ball but ended up punching me in the balls. That's just one off the top of my head and even though I have had a lot more I can't seem to remember them at the moment. When we were watching the video I talked about a lot of them, so it's just weird. I really tried to think them up but just drawn a blank.

Windows 8 Don't Get No Bait

So my laptop showed up today and I really am not that okay with it. It's not that bad, actually quite top of the line, but there are two major things I don't like. There is no numpad which I prefer to use when playing videogames, and it's Windows 8. Now, I don't mind Windows 8 that much, it's 64xbit and just takes getting used to, but when I got my computer I was just thinking WHAT THE FUCK. The layout was literally the same thing as a laptop and they tried too hard to make it like a tablet layout also. All I can say or think is what the fuck. But it's still good, now that I have it there are a wide amount of games I can now play. Besides there being the games I previously played I'm going to get steam, which never worked well on my former laptop, and load it up with free games from that along with start playing Nexon games again. My other plan for my laptop is to start trying to mix music on it. I just can't wait to get into all of it. GIDDY GIDDY GIDDY!

He's On Durgs MAYYNNNNEEE

So today I was at Costco with my dad and brother getting gas and medication for my mom and dad. My dad said someone pump the gas while the other person gets the medicine. Well my brother was just as fucked over as I was from the break so he was having problems with staying up and when he got up he was up for about 1 second before he went back to sleep. I went to pump the gas and my dad was trying to get my brother to go in to get the medicine but he wouldn't get up so when I get in the car my dad told me to get the prescriptions. I asked why because my brother was supposed to and my dad responds with "He's fucked up". So I asked on what and he just goes "ON DRUGS! I CAN TELL HE'S ON DRUGS". I said, "I think he's just tired" and he goes "NO HE IS ON DRUGS" So then I told him some bullshit saying, "Dad, did you know most of the kids in school do drugs, especially before school?" He asked me where I got that bullshit and I said "Well so many kids just can't stay up and keep sleeping in school, especially in the mornings. I think that my Snapples have been spiked with it too because I'm like that a lot in the morning, especially when I just get up in the morning" I just love how I can be cynical. My dad was so pouty when he realized he was wrong he went, just shut up.

Swamped With My Work

So besides the makeup social studies work I have to do I also have a French project that I need to work on.  Even though I want to work on my French project I lost the assignment sheet and need to get it back tomorrow and do it this weekend because it's due on Monday. Then with my Social Studies homework, well I still have to do it. I'm just so tired when I got home today I literally couldn't stay up, I took a 3 and a half hour nap followed an hour later by a 3 hour nap and currently having trouble staying up right now. It's quite horrible really, I don't like dealing with it either. Worst of all I actually love Social Studies, if I didn't have such a potential and interest in science I'd be thinking of having a History major when I go to college instead. For me to have less than an A in a Social Studies class would be horrible for me.

No, I Am Not Ready For School To Start

So basically during the break I ran myself dry by staying up relatively late most nights playing videogames. This has to end after my screen fucked up on my computer and it ended my online reign a week early. My laptop should show up by Tuesday next week. Last night and the night before I was given the basement by my brother who let me use his computer while he was out. But I've just had constant tiredness, it's weird. Ran myself dry for 4 days total. But if I just sit down and think of Blue I start to drift off. This comes from me going to sleep at 12:00 along with waking up at 8:00 a lot of last week. I also spent a lot of the week in my basement until 5:00 when my brother got home. It was weird then because I'd just get tired. Now today my post was almost late because I nodded off. I really think there's something up with my basement. A beeping started happening in my basement and I'm pretty sure that it's the carbon monoxide monitor which explains why. I've spent so much time in my basement and when I sleep down there I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. I had a friend over one night and when we normally stay up til' 5 in the morning he went to sleep at 1:00. Just weird. I haven't looked it up yet but I'm pretty sure it is carbon monoxide, just need to do some finishing research.