Haha. My Artistry

Just to see your name, It gives me a jolt of pain

My heart starts to throb and my head starts to bob and the next thing I know everything's lame

My view on life's been distorted and shit. It's been pushed and pushed far past it's limit

My skin feels the blade, my world turns to haze, my head stained red from the wrists that I slit

But that's not scratching the surface, I'll look back reading and realize what was worth it

I'll regret the day that I asked you those things, keep wishing it'd stop happening

To go back to normal, to leave things the same. Only I am the one to blame

So now I must fix this mess that I made. I've been a good boy and that's how I'll stay

I pick up the shards from the friendship I smashed. I glue it together slowly not fast

I forget the romance I thought that we had. I look back on things and realize how bad

I had it for you, more like I have it. But a life without you is not worth shit

All the times in the past that I've fucked up. They can't amount to the trouble that I stirred up

In those six words my world came to crash. In the game of life I got shot to last

But now all I care is for you to forgive me. These days without you, they feel so empty

As long as we're friends the fun never ends, despite the fact that I'm melancholy

So this is a serious rap, it would actually need to get recorded for the flow to be figured out well. Somehow the past to raps I've written I actually consider quality rather than shit I post because I have nothing else to post. And this rap does have some meaning. I don't know if I've said this here yet but I love Blue with a burning passion and although I've said it was as a sister it's honestly more than that. When I go to sleep sometimes I'll end up imagining her in my arms, yea I know really creepy sounding. But I started getting delirious and talked to her like she was my girlfriend and that didn't end well. I asked her out too, and afterwards I kept talking all loopy and mentioning love to her even though she rejected me. I hate myself for that, I really do. But hey, I fell for my best friend. And all the other times I've pissed her off can't amount to all the trouble I caused when I started talking all loopily and deliriously to her. It's just been this week. It's been a shit week and my brother hasn't been home. Just the loneliness because he was the only person I liked in my house and then the longing to talk to Blue as more than a friend came together and caused me to go off the end. I was going to wait until at least I'm a junior before I asked her out that way I'd be more mature mentally and more of what she deserves. Oh well, I don't know what's going to happen, I just hope she stays at least my best friend.