Being Nice Gets Hard

So, I have this one friend that I personally find really annoying. And thank god he doesn't read this because he'd know it's him right away. Sometimes I don't think he even has any friends outside of me. His mom's even more annoying, she will invite me over and he doesn't know anything about it. But hanging out with him, it used to be fun, it used to be a blast, but it got old. Me hanging out with some other friends gets old too, but it's not in the bad way. We mix things up, while with him it's always the same. Lately I've been less tolerant of people, especially him. It's gotten worse in these last few weeks cause of recent events, but even before then I've been more irritable and easy to fight with just because I can't be happy anymore. With him, I've been about to tell him to fuck off and stop bothering me, but I'm not about to do that. I just think it's sad when you can be surrounded with friends and people that care, and trust me I am, but only one of them actually knows you're miserable. No one else can notice that you're depressed, that everything's wrong at night. They have to be told. This has nothing to do with him, honestly he's an old friend that I barely talk to now. But honestly, I used to wonder why it's always the people that appear happy all the time that commit suicide and now I know. It's because people didn't notice that something was wrong. There's always going to be that one person, but one person isn't enough. I just find it hard to be funny now because happiness is an important ingredient for that. People don't notice they're depressed because they don't want to bother them with their own problems. I wouldn't be surprised that most of those people like that that left this fucked up world were some of the most selfless people ever. But them being happy all the time makes people think they can't be depressed. But with me, sometimes that's all that people expect. They expect me to be funny and interesting. I mean my parents care about my grades, but other people that's all they notice. The one girl that I'd do anything for, cause I still refuse to refer to her as Blue because she hasn't shown me that side in awhile, she didn't pay attention to me because I was interesting or funny all the time. We had deep conversations a lot also. We had a connection that changed me. There's probably only one other person right now, that I'd talk to regularly, that sees the other side of me. And now I'm stuck with only one. Not that that's bad, it's better than none. But sometimes I just feel like I need to be heard, which I guess is why I've kept up this blog.