I'm Jinxed For Life

So I always will have the view that everything in this world happened for a reason and that there's an unquestionable flow in it. Besides the trade off, you know, the one to two ratio of good to bad or bad to good depending on which thing came first. Suffer for a week, be euphoric for two. But it's also when I point out to myself that things are going nice, they always turn downwards. Too bad it doesn't work the other way around. Take this for example, every Dota game I have if I tell myself I'm doing well early game I get fucked late. It's not so much of me getting cocky though, I just end up screwing up. I'm probably subconsciously cocky though. But on a bigger scale, I have that moment a few days ago where I'm like, everything's coming together. People are paying me back, I'm talking to people, I've fixed my sleep schedule, I'm lifting weights, everything's nice. But then, it crashes. Some of the people that were gonna pay me back don't have the money, I stopped lifting, food goes to waste, I'm staying up late and sleeping the afternoons. My theory of me having the habit of always screwing up something good for me though, that's more than just me. Nothing good will ever last and nothing will always stay bad. Situations fluctuate over and over again, that's just how things work. I just have a goal list for this summer that I don't expect to accomplish at all. Number one, get back to being active. Over the school year I slowly got lazier and lazier. Started off where I stopped running cause I did that a lot in gym, then it got to me not lifting as much for the last quarter, then the last two weeks I didn't lift at all. Number two, get back to being funny. I can always be funny when I'm talking to someone and I'm not suffering any anxiety, but when I get nervous I'm physically unable to because of the chemical shift in my brain. It's the same situation when it's online. I want to be that guy that makes the funny comment on a page again. I also want to, you know, be able to make her laugh if she comes back. She and I used to laugh a lot together. Number three, get a girlfriend. Now I don't expect this one to happen at all. Besides me still being hung up on a certain someone that abandoned me, I don't meet people during the summer. I meet people through school. There's also my diminishing personality that would normally win someone over. Number four, get better at gloving. Now I can glove fairly well, but my digits and tuts are horrible. Plus I still can't do a legit finger roll. I've also been using about the same things every time I do glove. This I do expect to improve, if it hasn't that's fine because I did get better at poi. Number five, improve Dota play. Now I've come pretty far in Dota, I was a super noob for a month or so. But I still have slip ups that really screw me over. Me randoming most games has served to help fix that, in fact some of my games where I'm new to the hero have been my best with that hero, not just because I don't use them again. This isn't that big of a priority in the least. Number six, fix up my house. Besides the fact that we'd have weeks gone where everything we ate came from a restaurant or was premade and cooked in a store, my house is a mess. My brother's become a slob and my basement is proof of it. I also need to do laundry that hasn't been done in 4 months. I got to cooking, last two weeks I started cooking more. The laundry is still iffy. House being a mess has been fought to an extent, my bathroom is clean but my basement is littered with crap. Number seven, improve the blog. Because lately all I've been doing is moaning and retarded lyrics and retarded interpretations. I also haven't been able to make it as entertaining as I used to. When I originally made the blog I was depressed, not this depressed, but I still managed to incorporate sarcasm into most posts. This blog is past it's prime, sad that it's gotten more views lately, I'd expect from my moaning. I'd rather the first few months have gotten the views that this blog is getting now. Last goal, get more involved with music. Now I don't mean playing, even though I should renew my talent with the piano or the drums, but with working with. I had a flare for mixing, even though the mix I made got a lot of hate I think it was pretty good seeing as I used Audacity for it. There's also song writing. You people have seen me post a lot of "lyrics" here. But I know I can do better than that. Besides them mostly being me moaning about heart ache, they're started to seem blander and blander to me. This isn't ordered in anyway, just as it came to me.