So right now I can't go a week, much less a day, without thinking of her. Without unconsciously forcing myself into mental pain, into a deep depression, and sorrow beyond belief. And she gets mad at me for saying stuff about her, and even then it's unconfirmed. Did she ever think that maybe having feelings for her are making me depressed and cause too much pain for me. That I can't get over her. The only out I saw was convincing myself that what I only could wish I had with her isn't much to have. That she is the heartless, slutty bitch that my friends seem to think she is. That she means so much to me, yet I don't mean more to her than an ant. I was stupid to think I was over her just because for once I wanted to slap her. Because for a full week I could go without her in my head and clouding up my thoughts. When I realized I was just being delusional I was still fine, even happy maybe. But now she hears I've been saying crap about her and we talked. She shouted at me over facebook and told me off for things that I more than deserved. And now I can't go ten minutes without thinking of her. Of probably the most beautiful, self-respecting, opinionated, woman I'll ever meet. Causing me to be thrown into what will probably be my worst stage of depression. And worst of all, I've actually started crying, something I haven't done in years, something I thought I'd never do in correlation with emotions. I don't think I'll ever get better.
I actually sent the middle paragraph to her, now I'm scared of what she'll say.
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