My Emotions, They Hurt

I really have started to hate what love is. Love is joy, but it's also pain. Everything is double sided like that, there's a negative and a positive, but love is strong for me. It's also a very common theme in movies. I'm watching a Martial Arts movie, A MARTIAL ARTS MOVIE, and it's there. I'll be sitting there and start thinking. Like I was watching Blade of Kings it said that what love means is that you will serve the one you love. And I mean that is what it is. With Blue all I can think of doing is making her happy. Her being happy is all that I can think of. But it hurts because, all I ever want to do is shower her in compliments and tell her I love her. I did that once. She didn't exactly enjoy it. She told me to stop complimenting because she didn't like being modest. She's just on my mind all night, I go to sleep dreaming of her. Just holding her in my arms. But she's probably never going to be mine. I can't even trust myself giving her advice sometimes, just because I may give her ill advised advice just to further myself. I was thinking of giving her it before, and I almost slapped myself for it. I'm just tempted to tell her I love her when I talk to her on facebook, when I see her in person, when she's offline so she has a pleasant message to get online to. But I don't. The restraint kills me though. It creates a distraction for me too. I'll be talking to her and can't say the right thing because I'm too busy thinking "I love you". My mind just goes blank and I get smug faced. Honestly, I want to go through and take every picture that she's in and make a powerpoint out of it. Make a little message on each of them and have it ordered by my favorite pictures. Her most beautiful smiles. How much they make me want her more. It's not greed though. Greed means I put myself first. When I say want, I mean I want her affection the same way I've given mine to her. I could care less about what I want though, as long as she's happy.