To Answer Why

Recently I've felt a little dead inside. When I do something good for me like body building, something that I actually do enjoy to an extent, I'll be doing it then just stop and ask myself why. In all honesty, I do it because I think if I'm a attractive intelligent nice guy, the three qualities that girls supposedly look for. (when I say attractive I mean buff and somewhat facially attractive) But also the only girl that I intend to pursue, even though there are others, is Blue. Besides the fact she isn't attracted to me, she isn't attracted to the buff type. I could always go ask out some other chicks that I kinda like but it'd feel wrong because I'd be with them but still busy thinking about Blue. I'm probably being quite naive to continue to pursue Blue, but nothing's stopped me before when pursuing a girl that doesn't like me back. In fact it actually paid off once and she said yes, not Blue some other chick, but I got dumped a few days later so I can't count that. I was also more stubborn then, kept pushing the girl to go out with me. I couldn't do that to Blue because each time she says no she might feel bad about it because she knows how head over heels I am for her. Also each time I decide to ask after the last one, it makes me feel like a douche. It's me pressuring her into saying yes, which I honestly know she won't give into. So why do I still lift weights? I don't do it as much as I used to, which I'm trying to stop, but I still do it. I started getting lazier and skipping days more often just because I didn't feel like it. But I'll be sitting there, on the benchpress, and get distracted asking myself why I'm sitting there on the benchpress. I had the same thought about school. In fact I took it to the point where I just gave up on school. I still did my work in class, and did well on tests. But it became more where I focused on doing things that made me happy which meant I stayed up all night playing Dota and other games and slept most of class. It only dropped my grades, and probably dropped me from the top 25 class ranks, because I didn't do homework and any important grades like a paper I had to write would come in late. I look back and realize the way I went about things was a good choice though. Even though it hurt my grades, it's much better than freaking out and going to a mental hospital in temporary stay like what happened to my brother. When he came back, oh he was fucked for school. With me, I still learned, it literally just homework grades that have me fucked. I recently finished my SOLs and I had no trouble on either of them. Now that's only two out of eight of my classes. But I'm fine in English, I've had shitty grades in it though. That's because of not doing homework and turning in two things late that were worth a bulk of the grade. French is simple, easy peasy ass shit. Health, that's a laugh. Art, well I am an artist, why would I have a problem in art? There is a slight problem, I didn't turn in a project on time, the only project grade of the quarter. But I need to talk to my teacher about that if she ever put points in for it. My computer class the teacher loves me. Physics I got in the bag cause science is my shiznit. I know I don't have to take the final for all of my classes except maybe English. English is my only worry because that's where slacking really hurts my grade. Math gets damaged too, but that's cause the teacher overweighs the homework. I passed the SOL also, so I don't have to take the final.