Growing Up

So I've thought back on how my school year's played out so far and thought on how different I was at the beginning of it. At the beginning of the school year I was naive, ignorant, stupid. I got suspended this year which was a big smack to the face to grow up. I've had an emotional year too. It's been the first time in awhile that I've cried. Not some crap like crying from pain or because I got insulted. I've cried because I finally can admit to myself what I've done wrong. I've cried because I stopped ignoring my problems, letting them pile up, and causing trouble for myself. I've come to terms about the injustice I've done my friends. Crying isn't something that babies do. You always see it, even though it's on t.v., a person crying. The main character never cries like a baby. They silently have tears going down the side of their face as they cry. That's how someone's supposed to cry. It shows they've been carrying a burden for too long. I already know that me going back to school is me going back a different person. I'm not the immature little brat that led his friends astray anymore. I'm going to be the friend they deserve. I'm not being cocky when I say that I'm like the big brother of my friends. I'll protect them and stick my neck out for them. I honestly don't care what happens to me, as long as they're safe. But I'm not going to stand in the way of their attempts to reach happiness either. I'm going to be the one that guides them, not controls them. I can't force them to change and conform to what I think is right. Everyone has their own moral compass and they calibrate it themselves. I just have to properly guide them. I'm not the compass but I'm the directions on the map. They can follow me however they want, but it's up to them. It kind of makes me think of "Like Toy Soldiers" by Eminem. He's talking about how he doesn't want trouble anymore. He doesn't want to see people dead. He's coming to terms with how much he's done wrong as a prominent figure on the rap scene. Admitting he needs to lead the right way. I don't want to see my friends fuck up and hate themselves. I want to see them happy.