Bye Bye Happiness

So I explained to you the fluxes in my happiness in relation to Blue's, and well I knew it was coming. But I didn't think it'd come this fast. Like what happened I was expecting, for a while, but when I saw it I just broke. Today had been going well though, right after school my brother's girlfriend took me and him out for smoothies at some place that not so many people know about. I decided to stop calling her names and a slut, that's semi-bad though. But then when I got home I did my usual stalkery thing and checked the facebooks of the girls I happen to be crushing hard on at the moment, 2. Then right there I saw it, what I knew would happened but was wishfully thinking she'd change her mind. She had said yes to this guy for homecoming, they were official. I mean I talk to her on a weekly basis so I knew it'd happen, but when I saw it I just went upstairs quietly and then curled up and teared up. Like she told me she was going to say yes to him, but seeing that giant post on her Facebook just broke me. I know there's a depression period coming up. It has it's small benefit of me being pseudo anorexic, but everything else fails. Like no joke, last year during one of my depression periods, only had 2, I really fucked up in class. There's one other girl that I could ask out and her saying yes may pull me out of it, but there's like a 1 to 10000000 chance, no exaggeration, of her saying yes. This is just because she doesn't like in-class relationships, and I'm ugly as shit. I mean I got the confidence to talk to a girl, that's not hard for me to muster. But sometimes I lose stuff to talk about and need to well do something stupid that overall removes my reputational standing with them and makes me look stupid. I'm highly reliant on being a funny, charismatic asshole like I always am. I just hope maybe once I won't get shot down like I normally do. I mean I haven't even talked to her as much as I did last year, but maybe that'll change. On a lighter note, but because my emotions are so fragile right now, my brand new and beast ass iHome speaker I bought is already broken. I'm pretty sure I blew it out with the bass.