Self-Esteem All Time Low

I happen to have such a fucked up self-esteem. I have a fine one when it comes to everything except my standing with girls. I mean, I'm funny, just most of the time when I make people laugh it's normally related to me acting retarded. But you know you have such a bad self-esteem when what you expect to happen after you ask a girl out is what you get, a no. I happen to mock myself daily though, making stuff ranging from fat jokes to ugly jokes. The thing is, I'm not that fat or ugly. What I do that's embarrassing is making faces and acting clumsy with everything. And of course I act stupid. In my English class we had to make a sensory poem comparing something to something else. I decided to write about a toilet. It was actually a well thought out poem, I made it in a minute.

A Toilet

A Porcelain Goddess

You sit, feel the coldness

Standing or sitting

Plopping and dropping

I later made a poem about a river because, although the one about a toilet fit the parameters it was inappropriate. But back to an explanation for this depression. I asked her out, yes I did. I obviously did it on Facebook because I don't have the personal confidence to ask her out in front of people. But then this morning my friend who rides her bus said it was a no and she felt bad about it. He said she's going to tell me to my face to help keep the blow light. When she does I'm just going to say it was my brother trolling, something I do whenever someone on my facebook gets trolled. Well him or my other friend that I use as a patsy for everything. But whatever happens happens, and either way it'll be awkward for a while.