Heh, Maybe I Should Drop a Mixtape

As the blade touches skin the red fluid flows

The glass filled to brim while the whole world slows

I take one sip and then pass that shit

Fall over "napping" in this empty world

My eyes rolled back I stare at the sun

And sit back wondering what I've done

I lost my life cause I can't cope

I lost my life cause it ain't dope

As my head aches when I see the light

I know I shouldn't have gone without a fight

I sit back and think on my wasted life

Goddamn nigga, I've suffered some strife

But before this happens I think of you

That's right girl I'll think of you

The hand hesitates as the blade touches down

I think of you with my frown upside down

The eyes brighten up I return from haze

I be stuck hazed just dazed for days

My life slows down after it sped up

The story ends with me being a slut

I'll drown my sorrows in the hoes I find

But there's always one girl in my mind

I won't say her name again

But thank god she's still my friend

What's become obvious is that I'm depressed. If you can't tell I'm depressed from the lyrical themes I've used over and over again you should just go die in a ditch, you're wasting the air of people with brains. But even though it appears that way it's not just cause of a girl. I honestly hate my life. Besides the fact that I can never accept it when I'm happy and end up sabotaging myself because I guess my mind is more comfortable when I'm drowning in a sea of depression because happiness is too foreign to me. There have been points where I've been genuinely happy though. Like at the beginning of the school year I was happy a lot. But ever since the fucking Christmas Break I've slowly fallen back into self-hate and depression. The funny thing is that I'll never do any self-harm because of it. Suicide isn't an option just because the idea of killing myself makes me want to puke. I couldn't force myself to cut, believe me I tried before, just because the idea of myself drawing blood makes me squeamish  I'm just a gentle giant, except I can still talk shit. But in a fight, I'd end up losing because I held back not wanting the person to puke blood. I guess burning would work but I don't have anything to use. Plus those stupid boils are so fucking uncomfortable once you get them, just ew. I just have to do some stupid retarded ballsy stunt like I used to do all the time. I have one planned but it's a week from now. I plan to ride a shopping cart down a giant hill that I wiped out on on my bike. It's going to be quite fun. Then of course I'll wear the scrapes and scars as a trophy like I did last year. I'll address the title in a later post. I prefer to explain the rap to you people.