#ForeverAlone

So yes, today is Valentine's day. To suffice it I spent my Valentine's day catching up on Mass Effect 3 while my brother had a nice day with his girlfriend. I was alone all day. It didn't surprise me. I asked one girl out for ice cream even though I figured she'd have plans but I didn't get an answer until 7:00. I'm pretty sure when she saw it at 6 in the morning she was just like meh. Then didn't remember to tell me no or sorry I already made plans when she got back from school. My answer was that she forgot, what a surprise, and that she's sorry she couldn't hangout with me today on Valentine's Day. It was kinda retarded anyways. I went to school wearing a black shirt covered in green, glow-in-the-dark skulls on it. I still had a fun day, but it was a lonely one too. Only something more to add to my depression where on the on year that I actually cared, I was alone. Last year I didn't care cause I still had a I don't give a flying fuck about shit attitude towards everything on this blue fucked up planet. My friend was right to tell me that I pose more as a gay best friend for girls rather than a boyfriend. It'd explain a lot. There was one girl that was doing cheerleader stretches for me in her underwear. Plus I can give emotional support, I have had a lot of problems so I can give pretty good, thought out advice. One delusion I refuse to let dissipate though is that one of these days one of the girls that I've liked but become more of a gay best friend for will change their mind and decide they like me. I have a strong belief in being connected spiritually and by personality. You know, when you truly love someone they love you too, just they haven't realized it yet. It's not to keep myself from being depressed for crushing on girls and being rejected where I say, Oh they just haven't realized they love me yet, but it's because it explains a lot. Some people when I walk up to them, I'm not intimidated but I just think "I'm probably not going to like this person". Most of the times I'm right. Just like when I think I will like that person. It's just like a natural connection that I feel with them. Like we're kindred spirits but just don't know it yet. Of course kindred spirits always become something more for one of them. Well, hopefully next year I won't be alone on Valentine's day. Hopefully this summer I won't be alone either. If I were to, I'd have to spend every day hanging out with friends to keep myself from wallowing in my own misery.