I'm Alone

There is no depth to the loneliness seen by the eye

And yet I lay down throw my head back and sigh

There is no depth to the loneliness seen by the eye

But my mouth still utters every other lie

As I lay all alone with my eyes closed shut

I think about my life and realize that I'm fucked

The first thing I do when I grow up

Is get the fuck out of here, and leave this rut

Because there's no depth to the feeling that I feel right here

All you bitches laugh when you hear I shed a tear

But when I stand up there's a smile to be seen

Of the true me only people have gleamed

They don't know about the shadow I have in life

That tears at my heart and handed me the knife

But there is no depth to the loneliness seen by the mind

Because the mind may see clear but it's not in time

You see me walking on this empty road

Atleast I think that it's empty cause that's what I'm told

But when you look deeper you see people there

The things that embody all of my fears

The fear for my life and what it's become

The fear that I'm not a good son

The fear that people will know who I am

I've locked fear away so that I may stand

You may deny it but I'm a true man

A true man can live and deal with his faults

A little boy walks as if there were none

This is yet another product of my despair and depression. There's not much to say because the poem explains itself pretty well. I'm scared of and hate myself. And no one, not even me knows the true me. I just know that my biggest enemy is myself. The true me is a dark creature that hates me as much as I hate it. When I die I won't be happy. I'll be sad. Sad that I never got what I truly wanted to have in life. I can tell from now that I won't live a happy life. After college I'll get a nice job but there's nothing to confirm me settling down with a girl. Especially since I'm already filled with such regrets I'll only have so many more by the time I finish college in over 7 years from now. And those regrets will haunt me and keep me from meeting people, and keep me from finding love again. I feel like just closing myself off from the world, but it's not going to do me any good. It's only pain in the end. But life is getting hard to live, and the only true escape from pain is death.