Mmf I'm Bi-Polar

So for the past few weeks I've been jumping between being a super happy jovial man to a quiet recluse who can't be happy with the life that he lives. At the moment I'm happy though. Quite. It's because I've been talking to the girl that's not Blue that I love. She don't love me back, but she talks to me and I feel on clouds when she does. Of course it's also the first time in 2 weeks she's talked to me so it's made me feel like a drug addict that just got his fix again. But, what isn't there to love about her? I can't describe it because my descriptions are normally horrible when it's of someone's personality due to my high confusion of what a personality is. I'm just drawn to her. I really need to stop asking her out to ice cream though. I have a one hundred dollar bill and am itching to spend it though. Of course it probably won't be on her. She doesn't even want to hang out with me. What she says is that it's because I'm more of someone she feels comfortable talking to online rather than in person, but I think it's because she's worried I'll make something more out of it. If there's one thing I have a talent for it's being able to balance out my delusions. Any delusion I have is short lived. Nothing more, nothing less. And seeing as I've been rejected by her a shit ton it's not like I'm going to think it's more than me being sweet. But then again there's always the side of me that says, she's worried that she's going to change her mind and decide she likes you. I guess that's why I"m always pushing to hang out with her. She knows that I love her and it kinda gets on my nerves sometimes. For example, she dotes on my bestfriend and adores him. I'll say he does the most retarded stuff like hit me in the balls with an xbox controller, which has happened before, and she just laughs and is like, Ohhh *PERSON'S NAME*. It turns me into a jealous shit that causes me to create animosity towards him. I'm lucky I'm wasn't close friends with Blue's boyfriend or else it'd be the same thing but worse. Of course my animosity is short lived. I prefer not to let girls get between me and my friends, it's just not right. I still think though that once she sees me she's going to be like, "Da F? Who the hell is that and why does he look familiar". I have changed a lot physically just as I have mentally over the past few months since summer break. And they're both positive changes. I still have a bit of a gut but that piece is slowly slimming down and soon will be a nice six pack. Just need to do more exercises for my abdomen.