I Thought I Had My Shit Together

So besides me being behind in class I have emotional shit to worry about. I'm going to address class first though. I have to study for this giant test called the Microsoft Certification Test that I already took twice and failed. The only reason I'm taking it a third time is because I'm the only one in the class that even came close. But I have a shit ton of other work to do. That broken glass picture? Well I gotta cut it out piece by piece and reglue it onto another piece of paper, I've already lost three or four of it's pieces also. Then I got a whole shit load of English work to do for "To Kill a Mockingbird" which I find to be quite a good book. The broken glass is going to be the hardest because it took me 2 hours to get barely a quarter of it cut and glued. But to the emotional problems, I'm a procrastinator. I'm also quite bored so rather than doing my school work I was on facebook, bored, and looking at Blue's pictures. It may seem stalkery, I don't care if I'm called one if someone saw me person to person my size would deter them from picking on me before they got to know me, but I always look at her and one other girl's pictures when I'm bored. But anyways I'm looking through her wall posts this time and then I see one where I was tagged in it. She's holding a panda and looking beautiful as ever and I just felt warm and tingly inside. I experienced the same chest pains along with a tightness of my whole ribcage I experience whenever deeply enthroned in a depression. But it was warm memories and honestly feeling touched. I was tagged because she wanted a pandahat and I'm like, ok I'm getting you a pandahat for Christmas. I don't give a fuck what you say, you're getting a pandahat. She found a stuffed panda and took a picture with it, posted it, and tagged me. It's these moments where I'm just like I hate my life because I have to love her. She has a boyfriend too so I really, REALLY, need to back off. I have but it doesn't mean I feel any better. I feel worse. The longing just builds up inside and then when I see something like that picture of her and the panda, I cry. Yea, I cry. I just started tearing up from just seeing the picture. I was about to comment I love you too, but as I said I have to back off. Now I'm even afraid to talk to her on facebook because of how much I fucked up. She and I aren't going to be able to talk the same for awhile. Until then I'll probably be stuck wallowing in my depression and misery alone as I normally do. I don't want help from people, it's something I face alone. Good night world.