I Think I'm Set For School

So I had orientation yesterday and it wasn't as interesting as I'd expected it to be. It was boring as fuck and so uninteresting to me. Like in the beginning I saw some interesting videos and acts that I liked laughing at, but everything else was well boring. I don't really feel like I'm going to be able to enjoy school as much because none of the teachers have said to be okay with sleeping in class under any circumstances. And there's also the fact that besides my gym class I have no classes with Blue, and that my other friends most of them I only have once class out of the program I'm in with them. But I can say it's going to be interesting for me, besides the fact it's a new experience there's a lot more subjects I'm going to be learning that I've never had a chance to touch. For example, French. Sadly I suck ass at learning languages, my mom tried to teach me Chinese for 3 years straight and all I cared to remember were the bad words. But for some reason I feel like this year is going to be great for me. I mean I got confidence from my friends that I might have a social life this year. And no I'm not one of those people that all he cares about is becoming popular. But they may have meant it unintentionally. What happened was we were talking on the phone about our teachers, most of which I didn't pay enough attention to to build my opinion of, and he mentioned homecoming. It was cause the theme is neon lights and he told me to bring my pair of rave gloves. And I suck at gloving, I don't know shit for it and can't learn how to glove that easily. But me going to homecoming implies I'd have a date. And when I heard that all I could say was, awww you think I could get a girl to go to homecoming with me. He asked me if I had anyone in mind, and no I don't. But I'm surprisingly looking forward to school, even though it's guaranteed boredom in like 4 of my classes. I can stay up in my English, Science, Math, and Geography classes cause I happen to find those interesting. But I wouldn't be able to stay up in one class I'm in which happens to be keyboarding for the first semester, and French. Learning languages is boring, and French seems even more boring. And I'm a talented typer, I think I can go up to 90 wpm or at least could in my keyboarding class in 7th grade. My art class I'll survive though, same with gym. Unless I don't get enough sleep that day.

Watch It Bitches, I'm Protected

So my mom is sometimes an overbearing cunt that likes to be overprotective for no reason. I mean she loves to get in my business, and one of the things she gets into a lot is how I'm getting places. But for a couple examples of how she gets in my business, if I were to get a girlfriend I wouldn't tell her because she'd smother her and if I don't feel like coming out of the basement she thinks my brother snuck someone in. But I say I want to walk to school, which is about an hour and a half stroll for me and she says no. Besides the fact it goes by a neighborhood that has a history with public violence enough to get helicopters hovering, she thinks I might be meeting up with bad people. All because of a history my brother has, which I won't go into, and because I wanted to hang with a student she had that she didn't like. And I mean, she just wants to watch out for me, but it's a little senile the way she does it. Especially since the route I'd take I've taken lots of times before. And I plan on biking to school once I get a bike I can't call a ghettomobile. Also I'm going to be, hopefully, driving in 6 months with a learner's permit. And I cook, which has resulted in a kitchen fire, enough smoke to set an alarm off, and so many other incidents. And I've proven I know how to take care of myself, and that I can. She just won't accept it, she babies me and treats me like I'm 5 years old and don't know how to walk in a straight line. I mean she doesn't want me to get a mini-bike once I turn 16, but she knows I'll do it anyways and once that happens she'll have to deal with it. And she doesn't want me to drive because of a history with screwing up a car my brother has. I mean she's given him more than 10 chances with all his screwups while driving (not cause he's Asian) and she doesn't even want to give me one. Once I get a license I probably won't use it anyways. I get a learner's and then I drive so I can get a license. Once that's done I'll be working towards an M mark on my license rather than driving a car everywhere. And even then I'd only be riding a motorcycle or driving a car when I'm too lazy to go where I want, or it's too far away to get there in an hour on a bike. I'd also be driving whenever I wanna pick up my girlfriend I'll hopefully have in 2 years when I get a license. I mean my sophomore year is going to be nice because I can get a license in the second quarter of the school year if I take Driver's Ed during the summer. But again, my mom doesn't think I can take care of myself. Which I happen to take as an insult to my intelligence and ability. If there's one thing I don't like it's getting insulted like that. I know how to care for myself, I'm not a dumbass, and I can hold my own in a fight. If I were in a fight with someone with a weapon, even a gun, I'd just be laughing at them. The need for a weapon just shows fear and loss of faith in your own abilities. And I can shrug off pain, and know how to disarm someone with a knife or gun. But yea I, of anybody I know, can definitely manage to take care of myself. But, cause I'm the youngest in the family my mom's instinct, besides her retardedness, pushes her to baby me. I could have snuck out this morning if I wanted, but couldn't cause I needed some checks. And I would have, just to push her to stop treating me like a five year old.

I'm Such A Prideful Shit Sometimes

There are 3 things that I happen to put pride in nonstop; my brain, my brawn, and my dumb luck. Now I'm only okay with putting pride in my brain and brawn because those are more dependable than dumbluck. And this topic was brought up by one of the conversations I had with Blue that led to whether I was arrogant or not when it came to my dumbluck or something along those lines. And I'd have to say it's not all that to be proud of, but I am. My brain is something I could sit here and brag about all day, but I prefer not to because it shows a darker side of me. But I don't exactly act cocky cause of it. I just have lots of trust in what my first impression of things are, even the answer to a test. It causes me not to look over my answers, but I do think back on something if I have a feeling I'm wrong. But there's other things I'm willing to put pride in, but it's not something that'll always be there. For example, if I were to get a girlfriend out of any of the girls that I happen to have some feelings for in that way I would unintentionally brag about her nonstop until my friends have to shout at me to shut the fuck up. But there's a sense of accomplishment I have with lots of things, most of the time which I try to keep from building my pride. I find pride needed but overused too much. But if I make someone shut up because I talked to the point that they realize they're wrong, I can't help but beam for 5 seconds. And if there's one thing that will always give me pride it's bringing a smile to someone's face. I mean I love to laugh, and I try my hardest to entertain, and when I know my efforts payed off for someone that's not me it makes me happy. But pride is probably one of the more major of the seven deadly sins for a reason. Because if you are too prideful you are normally less liked, and can get some serious inferiority/superiority complex. And it puts you more at risk. Like seriously, I'm way too cocky with my bastardly luck that I willingly throw myself into risky situations. My brain never gets the better of me, but my confidence in my muscles are something else. I mean there's one guy that I know could definitely kick my ass unless maybe if I were pissed off. But other people I'll go headstrong. The only reason I know that the guy can kick my ass is cause he's got a strong chokehold. I go headstrong with others just cause they simply can't manage to phase me when they hit me. Besides the physical abuse I have suffered from one of my friends it'll never compare to the emotional pain I've suffered through. But I do have a substantial amount of strength which paired with me practicing punching results in me being something to be reckoned with. But I am going to refuse to fight, unless pushed to it. My pride will probably be my downfall, but there's always the chance my downfall will just be when I finally get a girl I fall for and it turns out she's using me or something. Even though that's already happened once, it was with a girl I never met in real life. Once that happens, I know I'll do something stupid.

Define Freedom

So in case you couldn't tell this is a serious post. And I have some actual thought out points here. And I just want to know, why is it that in a country built on the basis of freedom has so many laws that really restrict our ability to pursue our happiness, thus taking away some of our freedom. Now I get how some things are there to protect the innocence of younger kids such as the outlawing of public nudity or sex. And there's also the laws that are there to protect you more directly such as looking down on rape, molesters, and certain drugs. But there are some restrictions that don't make sense. Things like being an age requirement to drive, or the outlawing of some drugs, or like the outlawing of vagrancy. By outlawing of vagrancy I mean that it's illegal to be on the street and beg and look poor and such. And the age requirement to drive should be lifted and just have where there are more requirements the younger you are. Cause I know quite a few kids that can't give someone a ride on the back of a bike to places. And the one drug that shouldn't be outlawed is marijuana. Especially if some stuff that are more destructive such as alcohol and tobacco are legal just with an age restriction. Marijuana has no proven addictive effects. Now that's assuming that you use it for a recreational use. If you use it to help move yourself along then the psychological effects are horrible. It makes it harder to enjoy life if you aren't smoking when you did smoke it when feeling mad, sad, etc. Negative emotions plus drugs, not just Marijuana, is not a good mix. But look at alcohol. It causes people to act like total idiots and it ends with you falling asleep in a puddle of puke. People will say that they use alcohol to have fun, that happens with marijuana also. You feel like shit in the morning also. People who smoke tobacco run the risk of receiving cancer from it. They use it to relieve stress, something commonly done with marijuana also. They use it to help relieve pain also. So something that is less destructive is outlawed when it can serve the same purpose as 2 of the most commonly used ones. Now then again, there's things like customs. But I really wish that public nudity wasn't illegal. Because I would love to just run outside with nothing on when it's raining. Or go for a jog in my underwear at 2 in the morning. It's still in the idea to protect us, but if we're willing to risk it, what's the point? They know we're going to do it anyways, and if the idea is to protect us I don't think going to jail where people get killed and raped very often is exactly protecting you.

What Social Life?

I can never say I have a legit social life. I've never had a taste of being popular, not even been used under the guise that I'm "popular". Like I know people, but I'm totally off radar of people. But I do hang with friends a lot, but it's always the same ones. Not that there's a problem with that, but it gets dull after like the 50th time that you've hung out with them. And I got lot's of people I casually call friends when in reality they're just acquaintances. I consider calling them a friend as a form of intimacy (not in a gay way) because to me it means you can trust them with private stuff and to accept you as you are. I mean you can tell them the most disgusting thing about you and they won't give a fuck. And they don't judge you. Anyone I can just get along with is an acquaintance. But I have quite a few friends. Only one of which I made at my private school and most of them I made in 7th and 8th grade. That's purely because those are the years where you actually end up discovering yourself. And although people may beg to differ (none of my friends approve of my affection for a certain girl I can say I love) I am a great judge of character. I can read people like a book when it comes to knowing how they're going to act and I don't even know how. But my social life has never flourished. I mean I'm a likable guy but I don't do stuff for a whole bunch of attention. Most of the "popular" kids are just attention whores that are popular in their own minds. I mean if I wanted to, I think I could become popular. I just know that Blue and maybe Chentos (haven't mentioned him in a while) are just laughing their asses off right now reading this. But I mean all I really see a popular kid as someone that everyone likes and that makes people laugh a lot and has some level of being attractive. Now I need to work on the everyone liking me (I've suffered a couple fiascoes brought on by one of my stupid terrorist friends and another spiteful one) but I happen to be quite a funny asswipe. And my ugly ass face isn't fixable but 2/3 is always good. Of course I got a 50% success rate when it comes to my jokes, I say about half of them out loud where they sound good in my head but suck in real life. But I keep my jokes to the privacy of friends, I wouldn't give 2 fucks if I got embarrassed for making a shitty joke. I consider the people that display jokes to people, yes display, by shouting them out in class as attention whores. Now of course I used to do that but I just say it out loud because the person is across the room. I used to do this one thing where I'd purposely fall out of my chair to make people laugh, which I personally think of being an attention whore. But that was in 6th grade and for only a week. Most of the times that my classes laughed at me in 7th and 8th grade was because I always goof off during presentations and try to make the project as funny as possible. I mean I had to create a business with Chentos and I wanted to open up Chinky's Tacos. We settled on a cool idea for a car but the path to getting there had a lot of racism in it. The other times were normally when I got annoyed with someone and started chasing him around the classroom, I had a large classroom, or the playful beating the shit out of each other Chentos and I dish out to each other. I mean like seriously, I have had to suffer many things because of goofing off. I've gotten my balls slammed with an xbox controller once, and they were sore for a couple of days. But I do have a social life online. It's not because talking to strangers makes it easier to open up cause a lot of the time I connect with that person outside of where I met them, but because it's easier for me to find a kindred spirit online. I think I can still read the person's character without looking at a picture of them though, just by talking to them is fine. But online, people that know me think of me as some caring cute boy that claims to be musclebound even after they've seen my pics. And I made 2 friends this summer, one in Aza and one in Nightshade. Which is impressive to me because I don't normally get close to people easy. But when I find a kindred spirit, or someone I feel for. I will willingly spill guts without even being asked to.

And I'm not an attention whore, even though I got a blog. I don't advertise mine that much, neither did Blue, and more needed somewhere to vent. If Blue or I were attention whores we'd have posted whenever we made a new post in this one facebook group we're in like what one kid did.

Well School's About To Start

This upcoming year I just know is going to be a hell for me. Not because it's freshman year, well maybe just a teeny bit, but because of the fact that there's a good possibility I get suspended on orientation day, that's right not on the first day of school, orientation day. Purely because of the fact that Blue's ex ( I only refer to him as that because I don't know what else to call him ) is going to pester me about why I don't like him and keep acting like a bitch. But my class is made out of purely socially awkward kids except for like 3, 1 of which left. And half of them are self-centered, egotistical, asswipes. I know enough of them that think they're smart just cause they're in the program that I'm in with them. And you have seen my babbles about intelligence on here, if you've been reading that long. But I'm going to have some fun. I get a whole new set of teachers to fuck with, I'm going to learn French (which I know won't go well), and I think things are going to be different from middle school. I mean like seriously, I lost a serious amount of fat over this break. I'm going to show up on orientation and the only thing people will recognize with be the face, cause I've gotten into trimming my hair every month and my pecs are actual pecs, not moobs anymore. Speaking of muscles, I was reading and, even though I knew this, having giant muscles from lifting weights doesn't mean you hit harder. Because while lifting weights is a pushing motion (I'd beg to differ with some of the motions I do with freeweights cause I'm pulling) punching and kicking is a snapping motion. So I've started practicing punching and kicking with the support beams in my basement, I plan to buy a punching bag soon. And I've known this all along that just having the muscle isn't going to do you crap, and I can hit pretty fast and consistently. If you have big muscles but don't practice punching after the first few that you throw, your arm is going to hurt like a bitch because you'll have probably torn something. You have to prepare your arms and legs for the shock they'll receive from connecting with a target. Oh well, I'm going to have fun on orientation. I'm leaving 2 hours before it starts and walking to school, that way I'll have a nice nap on the bench in front of the school where hopefully no one will walk up and do crap to me. Oddly enough that's not why I think I may get suspended, who knew.

I've Gone Full Nerd, Not Like That's A Bad Thing

I have recently been playing World of Warcraft Cataclysm recently. Now I know people get a ton of shit for playing it even though it's one of the best out there, but if they wanna tell me I have no life and act better than me by all means they can use me to feel better about themselves. Of course I'm not some guy who's going to act all badass like this one kid I know. He actually just went yea I have a level 80 paladin cause he thinks people won't mess with him. No one likes him. But people just haven't played a true mmorpg until they have played WoW. Besides the fact that the design and layout has become a template for lots of other games, for example Rift, Lord of the Rings Online, Allods, but it was one of the first mmorpgs to get created. Now before you imaginary readers start going, ha you pay money to pay games. I don't, fuck no I wouldn't pay money monthly to play a game that I'll forget about eventually. I play on private servers. And it's cause of that that I'm playing Cataclysm rather than Wrath of the Lich King. I prefer Wrath of the Lich King because I was accustomed to that prior to the release of Cataclysm. Now all the private servers for WotLK are down to about 10 people using them and Cataclysm is in the 500 to 1000s. But in my opinion they really fucked up the Paladin class in Cataclysm. They changed it around too much. And in case you're wondering why I'm a paladin I have an actual reason, it's because I normally play by myself. I used to play with my brother, but he plays League of Legend, and I had another friend but he got a legit Blizzard account. And the reason it has to be paladin is because it's what's known as a tank class. I think the shaman and druid is also but it's a tank class because you can use them when playing basically solo. You need a healing ability and a good enough amount of power for that. Which rules out priests, I think (it's been like 2 years since I've played and only started playing again a couple days ago) And I mean I've really been grinding, I reached level 35 already. When I played WotLK (in case you're wondering I stopped because the sever I used got shut down) my one and only character was level 30, and that was after about 2, maybe 3 months of work on it. That was also when I played with my brother. But also I start what feels like an hour ago and it turns out it was actually 8. I get up to go to the bathroom and realize I'm hungry. And starting yesterday my carpal tunnel has been acting up also. For those of you with a dirty mind (EVERYONE) not from jacking it. I got carpal tunnel in my LEFT HAND because I will go on gaming binges (I'm preferably a PC gamer) where I play 8 hours straight every day for a couple of weeks. So for anyone that may want to play with me the server I'm using is Astral Wow. The forums have a quick and easy way to download Cataclysm and I know it's safe. And in case you want to find me the name of my character is alreken.
Home Site : AstralWoW: Home
Download On Forum :AstralWoW Forum • View topic - [HowTo] Install Cataclysm fast & safe in around 15min.

Livin Life For The Anime

If there's one thing I've enjoyed ever since I was really young it was anime. No I don't consider pokemon and yu gi oh anime, but I watched adult swim ever since I was in 2nd grade. And if there's one thing that could always make me smile, even if just for a little bit, it was anime. To me the perfect anime has a unique balance between action, comedy, and sex jokes. Some of the ones I used to always watch I have neglected to pay attention to lately though, which kinda brings me down because I've missed a lot and don't feel like trying to catch-up. Oh I forgot to mention, I read the mangas also. But I used to just read/watch Bleach and Naruto all day. Right now I've started reading the more recent Narutos because I want to know who Tobi is, but I know I missed out in Bleach. I'd read up to the end of the XCution arc then stopped paying attention for a while. When I got back to it I'm like what the fuck did I miss. But now I've been watching One Piece which has a whole lot more of a comedic flare to it to some of the other animes. Of course when it gets to the serious points there is no laugh. I mean like Bleach was too serious for me, and Naruto was a little bit off in my head. I could never keep paying attention to Naruto. What's another good one that I haven't watched much of is Fairy Tale. And this is probably one of the most random posts ever. But in short, if there's one thing that puts a smile on my face, it's anime.

I Think I've Been Overdue For A Rap

So my first gf she probably dead

And I never showed her my "skills" in the bed

And the guilt it's just eating me away

I've been scarred for life and to this day

But I'm still the bitch of just one other

That I love too much, but she doesn't bother

She don't return the feelings that I give

And I think she knows that she's a reason to live

And when I feel down I just think of her

She's the spark that gets my passion to burn

That smile that she brings to my face

And how I dream of just a taste

Of her lips, to feel her skin

Hopefully commit a certain sin

But that is left up to my dreams

My reality I know too well it seems

That I know she'd never feel for me

The way I do for her, I hope she sees

That I will persist in my ways

God I wish that she'd stayed

And didn't go to a different school

Over who else would I drool

Now I can't just admire the beauty

That is her, cause she's a cutey

I have to arrange to hang with her

With other friends, my life's a blur

That it can just fall apart

Then again, how did it start

This rap has some obvious inspiration. When I write these I feel that it's more of writing poetry, but when I read them I don't just read them I put it to a rhythm that I have in my head. Of course to me music, and yes I consider rap and hip hop music, is just an extended form of poetry. And that sanctity is torn apart when it becomes people bragging. But I do think my "ex" is dead, and I stopped talking to her "sister" so there's no way for me to ever know for sure. And I do basically go back to the one other girl besides Blue I can honestly say I love. No matter what, I always go back to having her in my dreams. And if I were to be kissed by her, not even on the lips, I'm almost certain I'd faint. Of course it'd be with a smile on my face and I wouldn't have to worry about pain. I'd be so drugged up on my euphoria I could get shot and not notice. And I mean I have done such stupid things like just jumping backwards out of joy and landing hard on linoleum and just getting back up. I'm really tough. And if only I looked more like someone she could use as arm candy, even though I don't think she's that shallow I know she'd be more interested if I was some guy that she could show off. The only problem is, I'm not exactly some hotty. I got muscles and I dress well. But what wins people over is my personality. And I've really slimmed down my gut, I can now say I'm not fat. It only looks big when I'm doing situps. And I don't know what pushed me to write this. I was listening to Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? By The Offspring. Then all of a sudden I started thinking of my "ex" and I just started feeling sad. I don't know why. I just like related to what was being mentioned in the song, maybe the innocence lost part. I have never been raped and I doubt I ever will, and I've never been molested either. But it's not that people don't care, it's that I don't want to burden them with it. I've burdened Blue with it but that's all. And I had to stop and come back to this because I randomly started crying. And I mean big tears, sobbing, snot dripping, and headaches. And I haven't cried like that for about 6 years. And I don't know why.

Kristy, Are You Doing Okay : The Offspring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=AULaJdMPmIw
It's just this song ^ makes me cry. I don't know why. At all. But I didn't even need to watch a video or anything. I knew what happened from listening to the first few seconds of the song. But when I switched to a different song, although still sad and by the same band (uncommon for a punk rock band) I was fine. I just finished some sniffles.

You Taking Me Seriously Here?

Some people take me seriously, now you don't even have to know me that well to know that almost everything I do is some joke to me. Now anything I've said in this blog, and about half things I've talked to Blue about are serious, but that's all. I barely ever take stuff seriously, and I guess I expect too much from others. I expect them not to take me seriously, which is kinda hard for some. But I'm a giant jackassey, cynical, dickbag when you really get to know me. My distrust of the human race has led me to doubt people. I can act naive though, I mean I treat them nice til' they act dicky to me. But I mean like seriously, I'm not exactly sadistic but people tend to take what I say seriously sometimes. I've said some of the most perverted crap and people take me seriously. Blue's ex took me seriously with something that I intended as a joke, even though I meant it. That thing where we were playing black ops and I casually tell him I don't like him. But I'm a natural jokester. And I threw out my self-respect years ago just because decided I wanted to enjoy life more than focus on being accepted by people. I mean like seriously, I don't take anything seriously. When I get beat by someone I just laugh it off. And no I don't get beat up on a regular basis, long story short I kept provoking McDonalds on purpose and he'd get pissed and start hitting me hard. But I mean seriously, I suggest such absurd things and people don't realize I'm playing. But I do have legit ideas that I will suggest, I've been revered by teachers to be a great think tanker. The only time people ever really see me serious is when I get pissed off and I'm on the verge of exploding. There has been one other time where I had my friend over and I was so broken up over the "ex" that I would randomly mope. But those were the only times I'd ever be phased from my slacker output. Like seriously, I enjoy making subtle jokes. I have a black friend over and I give him grape koolaid, grape soda (didn't have any orange), and I was going to give him some watermelon. But being carefree is my way to be happy. I get told too much that I'm going to have to take High School seriously, all I can think is bring it on. High school, I'm going to make you my bitch.

My Wacky Sleep Habits

I'm one of those guys who could go through a day and sleep for 20 of the hours. Of course I can't do that once school starts for me, and it's highly unhealthy, but with all the stuff that's been on my mind lately it's not only an escape but it would come natural to me. Also I've been bored as fuck recently cause I don't hang with my friends daily. But now I've managed to get a pseudo sleep habit that my brother was telling me about. This is one designed to optimize your day so that you can get the most out of it, and it also is supposed to healthier also. This one I also wouldn't be able to manage during school. It's where you stay up 2 hours sleep 1 stay up 2 sleep 1, etc. The reason I call it psuedo is cause I sleep about 6 hours at night. Stay up 6. Then go into the 2 to 1 rhythm. And I mean I have such nice dreams, sometimes I wish I could sleep all day just because of the dreams they entail. But I don't. And they say a dream is a way for your sub-conscious to speak to you, and I believe that. And it's shown with all the crap that I've managed to have on my mind sprouting up and around in my dreams. But when I go to sleep for my naps sometimes it feels more like passing out. I just lay down and sleep. Wake up later and I'm just like dazed. But I do enjoy sleeping, no doubt about that. Heck all the time at school I'd sleep. I normally do what I call resting though. I just get comfortable, relax, and slow my breathing which results in a slower heart rate. Doing this gives my body some of the benefits of sleeping. And I can still pay attention, of course during the duller moments I end up going to closing my eyes and only half listening, of course my ears are sensitive for my name. This really helps me though. And I did end up sleeping about 1 or 2 hours a day during school, I'd just do well though. I mean my brown friend (I follow his neglected blog here) I can say he is jealous of my intelligence without worrying about it being my ego talking. He'd always complain about people being so smart. About not paying attention once and doing better than him. He'd scrape by for B's. I'd sleep in class, when I'm awake I'm normally goofing off, do my work normally faster than others, barely ever do my homework, yet I still managed to get B's and A's. I did great on all the major tests. And it just shows, some people just have the innate ability to be smart in school. I feel like I'm bragging in these last few sentences, that and hitting on girls I end up doing unintentionally, I really gotta work on that.

I Don't Know What To Think Anymore

Yea, don't know what to think anymore. All this crap with my "ex" has only truly proven to be a serious guilt trip for me. Cause her "sister" admits on facebook to attention whoring and how she enjoys being the center of attention. And she also claimed that she's not even 14 yet. Then I started talking to her again, asking her about the "ex" the whole time cause I was worried she died and I was spared the guilt. And she had put up a pic claiming it was the legit her, and she'd been using pictures of Danielle Loxx. Well I went ahead and asked, if you're not even 14 yet, how old was your sister? She said she was the "ex" so I asked about the pic she put up claiming it to be herself, she said she used a pic of her friend. I don't know what to think of it. I just know I feel guilty, because I got the idea in my head there was an "ex" that wasn't also an attention whore on facebook. And what happened was I did cause her to commit suicide, but I've been spared the details because her "sister" knows I'd feel guilty. And right now I'm going with that theory and feel guilty as shit because the idea that I was basically responsible for the death of a sweet 12 year old girl. A girl I can honestly say I fell in love with too fast. And the guilt is killing me, led me to annoying the shit out of Blue. Well all I can say is whatever. I need to just forget this fiasco. And this girl ruined more summers than just mine.

My Musical Identity

So for those that know me, you know I listen to a wide variety of music along with my attempts at writing raps. I don't express this here commonly, but I have made attempts at writing your average song about a sore heart, of course like my freestyles I don't write them down I just let them out as a spontaneous outburst of passion. But I have a reason for being a fan of such a variety of music. Because I identify with the expression of anger, love, sadness, regret, etc. All those negative things that I happen to feel too. It just shows because I hate to listen to pop songs and mainstream music because there is no expression. Of course I can't listen to screamo most of the time because I can't understand the lyrics. Although there are some songs I listen to for the rhythm and chords more often than to pay attention to the lyrics. But most I listen to for the lyrics, I mean half the time I'll start singing along while it's playing that's got to show something. And pop music can be good and all but I think stuff like pop and things by groups like LMFAO should be saved for clubs where it's more appropriate. And while I predominately listen to rap and rock I listen to metal and other forms of hip hop enough also. My decision for what to listen to, and probably yours without knowing it, is based off of my overall happiness. I mean when I'm madder at myself I listen to some pretty heavy rock. Like earlier albums from Papa Roach, Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, Three Days Grace, etc. But when if I feel normal it's rap like Hopsin, Eminem, Bad Meets Evil, G-Eazy, etc. And feeling in an overall happiness I listen to mostly punk rock like Blink 182 and Sum 41. But other types of music I commonly listen to are grunge and alternative. It's just I'm a rocker and a rapper. This is purely because they are some of the purest expressions you can find of passion and emotion. I doubt that Young Money can say that Bed Rock was influenced by some orgy they had or something that made them realize they love each other a lot. I mean like seriously, when you get to the music biz almost everyone gets corrupted by the fans, but at least most of them retain the ability to produce legit, passionate songs. It's cause of the way I identify with music that I wish that they still did Anger Management Tour. I don't know if there are plans to do another one but the most recent one was in 2005. But I'm really hoping that my friends want to go to Uproar, I don't like to go to stuff like that by myself. The bottom is just going to be a gallery of some of the artists that I tend to listen to a lot more often than others. I tried to make it into some fancy fit but it didn't work as well as I'd hoped. (I managed to fit most of them on the side doe.)

What Is My Lifestyle

I can honestly say I live a legit YOLO lifestyle. Not in the way it gets used by swagfags who say YOLO before they do anything but because when it comes to me making a decision, I look at it as whether I think it'd be fun for me. I mean like seriously, I have a very adventurous taste when it comes to foods and I do some really wacky stuff. How many guys do you know will literally strip on a pole in a public park. And I happen to do really ballsy crap but get lucky. Like I was messing around and zigzagging around the street while it was busy, I thought I could make a cross but as I was my shoe fell off and I had to go back and get it but I would've been hit if it weren't for the shoe. Oh, but there's other things, although I doubt they're truly that ballsy. I have a personal vendetta against the cops. I hate them. Not just because a lot of them abuse power, but they have a stereotype. They are control freaks. They need to feel like they are in a position of power. It's just like how a lot of the time a therapist is a wackjob that truly needs the help they are serving you with more than you do.
But a position as a cop is one of the easiest to corrupt. And I've had my own experiences, which I will not go into, that make me have a personal dislike. Of course if I ever got to know one it would be different for him/her, but that would be it. Back to the YOLO lifestyle, I will admit to occasionally having alcohol. Now I don't get drunk, heck I barely get buzzed, but who hasn't had alcohol by age 14 yet. It's just not natural. The teen years are the experimentation where people develop addictions. And no, I'm not just talking about the college coeds people see in porn. But I have a personal taste for vodka, when I prepare stuff with it I always take a small sip or a swig but never enough to buzz me. And it's all because, I want to enjoy my life while I still can because I'm going to enjoy the relax time I've basically been given because I know I'm going to start living a harder one
soon. Not because of some poser rapper overusing the word YOLO that it's become popular. Like seriously, I've heard high school is a bitch to go through and college is worse. And I'd hate to get into college on a scholarship and get kicked out in the same semester.

I Think I Sabotage Myself

So yea, I think I sabotage myself. I mean like I sub-consciously don't want to be happy. I mean I get a girlfriend, and after I enjoy being in the clouds for a 2 days I start doubting myself and I end up accusing of her stuff. But just put yourself in my shoes, when you don't commonly get something that makes you happy and normally get stuff happen to you that brings in sadness, you're going to instinctively doubt yourself for having legit and seemingly permanent happiness. Now I can't get her out of my head. But with me, when I say I'm over a girl, it means that I don't think of her as much and I daydream about other girls along with her. I mean like seriously, I'm a lover boy. I can crush easily on a girl. But the thing is there's a difference between like, and crush. I mean I like lots of girls, but I'm crushing on 1 if you don't count my hoax. Yeah, I'm still calling the "ex" a hoax because that's all I see it as. And normally when I say I've cried, it means that I curled up in a ball, and just stared off into the distance while I slowed my heart rate and breathing, if it's something serious enough I do let real tears flow, but I have a tough side to my mind, not just my body, that only lets me cry on things worth it. The last time legit tears flowed was this year, over that one girl I was obsessed with. I could call her my fall-back girl, I mean like seriously after I'm done crushing on a chick I always go back to thinking and daydreaming of her. And I've told people, especially Blue, multiple times I'm over her. It lasts 2 or 3 weeks. The only time I was literally over her, not a thought in my head came up of her, was when I got on Nightshade and made friends. And while on Nightshade I met the hoax. But now Nightshade is no more. The site is still up but no goes there, it's a ghost site. Oh well.

My Mom Is Such A Fucking Bitch Sometimes

Ok, for those of you who know me you know me to totally despise my mom. I mean, I do honestly care for her, but she pisses me off a lot so I don't mind putting myself first. Same thing applies to my dad. I mean like the only thing that would drive me to go to either of their funerals would be if I had nothing better to do or felt like finding out about the will sooner. But she just annoys me. I mean she gets mad at me for doing stuff she tells me to do. Or I'm cooking, and she gets mad at me for whatever it is that I'm adding in. Take yesterday for example. She randomly decided to get off her lazy ass and do the dishes. And I mean I do the dishes, but I leave them there for my brother to load in. And she kept bitching at me, while I was cooking, for the dishes. Ok so she's always telling me to go fix her a drink. Like Pina Coladas, Martinis, etc. I do also add in alcohol when I have it. And I make them in a blender. She was complaining about the blender always being dirty. I soak it right after I finish it and all she can do is bitch at me for making drinks for her that she always asks for. And she was talking to me telling me not to cook anymore because I always leave a mess with the pots. This is looking at a pot with rice burnt to the bottom because I was cooking

too much so I had to let it simmer longer which resulted in the rice burning to the bottom. And I was planning to clean it up. But she is normally too lazy to cook and I do it. Not that I don't mind cooking, I enjoy it, but if she's going to get mad at me for doing what I'm told BY HER, well what the fuck. And she decided to do the dishes and start cooking while I was out. She didn't know why I was out when she told me to go buy shrimp, even though I was cooking that night. When I get home I find out she was badgering my brother about where me and my dad were, even though she's the one who sent us out. And she gets mad at me for coming home at 9:00 when she sent us out around 7:30 and we had shopping for the week to do. And I was going to cook
noodles that night and use burger meat also because I had salted it too heavily so there was a lot of seasoning to spread out to the soup. But she tells me she's cooking noodles, the same ones I was going to cook. And when I start pulling out stuff saying I'll just cook it she gets mad and starts pouting at me, not even knowing what I'm planning on doing. And I told her my idea to use the burger meat like a meat sauce a couple nights ago and she was fine with it. But she's badgering me about random shit while I'm cooking, while I'm cutting, and she gets mad at me for doing that to her. I almost cut my finger, and I mean like through meat and possibly cracking bone. When I left the kitchen I was about to hit her over the head with a ladle.

Politics And The Bullshit It Brings

NOTICE: Just to let this be known some of my posts are pre-written and not written the day they're posted. Not just the raps but posts such as this. I make them when I feel the emotion ready to pour out. And I don't want to be posting 2 or 3 times a day at times so I save them. And that's because waiting to write them at 10:00 where I'll have something to bitch about didn't work that well because I've almost forgotten a couple of times and made the post at 11:30.

No, I'm not one of those kids who thinks that just because I learned about the way politics works for a semester that I'm automatically an expert on it. But I do happen to know more than my dad does. He claims to formerly be a political analyst but even if he was (he tells lots of bullshit lies to me and my brother) it would have been at least 10 years ago. And politics is one of those things that changes every year. And after his tenure in the hospital he has become one of the biggest rightwing asswipes. And him listening to political radio doesn't help. And I mean, now whenever I'm in the car with him it's me arguing with him for his retarded views. He has the belief that what he believes is what every single republican does. And he tells me stuff like the Democratic party is purposely sabotaging the lower class because only the poor can be a democrat that's not a politician. He talks like every human being is a greedy bastard and the only thing that's every debated in politics is money. Money may be the biggest issue in politics, but it's not the only. And I tell him this and he doesn't get how I think it's bullshit. I don't plan to get that into politics. I've been asked why I don't want to get into politics, and this is why. You have to deal with jackasses like my dad that have such radical views they're hard to talk to. I mean every political party is run by the most radical of the radicals. And they shovel bullshit down peoples throats too. I mean once, this is while I was at a private school, I saw these fliers that were spread out in the parking lot at my school. They were saying Obama's views on abortion and other things that are normally influenced by your religious views. It was in a sense a sheet of shit. Obviously it wasn't endorsed by Obama, he wouldn't be allowed to do that, but it was just bullshit. And now for my dad he says Obama has fucked up the economy. He has improved it. He was in the hospital when I was there to notice that the gas prices began to drop when Obama began his presidency. But he tells me he knows the prices weren't that high. How the fuck would he, he was in the hospital. Like seriously, Obama was given a horrible economy and he's managed to improve it. Now some things that used to be 1$ are starting to raise in price, but that's because people are beginning to be nervous about the upcoming elections.

And incase it wasn't clear. I am neither a republican or democrat. I'm an independant and will probably never vote a day in my life because I don't want to involve myself in politics. Of course I'll still watch elections, but the idea of standing in line for hours just to cast your decision, they don't need my vote. But I may still register to vote, so I can do stuff like jury duty.

What the Fuck is Disney Doing?

Ok so I'm sitting in my chill ass basement and for some reason I'm watching Disney. I don't have a problem with Disney, but I watch it when there's nothing else to, or I don't feel like looking for something better to watch. But I've had this thought in my head a lot recently, WHAT THE FUCK ARE IS THIS KID'S SHOW DOING! I mean there was a music video on, "Fashion Is My Kryptonite" by Bella Thorne and Zendaya Coleman. Now I don't watch Shake It Up, but I do listen to whatever is on. And they say they're up in the club. Up in the club? They're not even 18 yet. And I mean I've noticed other things also. They've hired actors that have been on some seriously adult movies. I mean like seriously, before being on Hannah Montana Jason Earles was in an American Pie video, including a sex scene. And for those unfamiliar with the American Pie series, it is not a porno just a comedy that revolves around sex, drugs, and alcohol. And they use actors like they do strippers. They have them wear clothes that show off the goods. Like have you seen Debby Ryan in Jesse? Almost every shirt she wears shows off her breasts. And they have little kids calling people hicks. And in the first episode, THE FIRST EPISODE, a bra lands on a small little girl, a giant bra that belongs to Jesse. Like Verizon Fios gives you a age description that says whether the show or movie is directed at teens, kids, general. I think Jesse says general, but still it shouldn't be on a kids station with such things. You're supposed to learn about sex and such when you're older, not when you're 8 and you ask your mommy what they meant by that. But then again television is basically forced to resort to such tactics because they need to expand their viewers. Even though kids television is probably there to benefit the most from T.V. because the population grows more than it regresses. A.K.A. every year there are more kids, and there will always be kids. And every generation there are a larger and larger number. Of course that applies to adults too, but there's a larger number of adult shows than kids. So I don't get why they need to expand their viewers to perves with their subliminal messaging and obvious messaging. But it's so obvious what they're doing. Most girls on the show wear tight clothing or flashy clothing that show off their ass and tits. But worst of all, most girls that used to be on Disney go on to become some flashy whore. You've seen what happened to Miley Cyrus.

My Aspirations, You Know My Goals In Life As A Human Being

Yes, in a sea of boringness about random stuff ( I know I've probably had some real interesting posts but within the last week I don't think I have), I have something of interest. I am now going to tell you my aspirations. And the fact that I went so far as to start planning my future when I was in fifth grade, a couple years after my genius began to shine. And just to say this though, when I talk to people older than me they get surprised (and I think sometimes scared) when I actually talk mature and know my stuff, they eventually accept me as a intellectual equal or superior, but whatever. Anyways, I had a nice long talk with my dad about how I've planned out my life, and I figured if that sack of shit gets to hear it, it's definitely worth you guys reading it. So when I was in fifth grade I enjoyed my life as a laid-back genius. But I'd heard a lot of stuff about how hard High School is. I mean I could not pay an ounce of attention from fifth to eighth grade (as a matter of fact I spent half of eighth grade year sleeping) and still get A's and B's. In seventh and eighth I didn't do a lot of my homework either, seventh was just 1 "B" every quarter with a string of A's and eighth was a string of B's with 1 or 2 A's. (talking about core classes) The reason for doing worse in eighth grade is because my math grade was connected to my science grade and I had Earth Science that year which I found boring as shit. But anyways, I decided in fifth grade to stay laid-back until I get a C on a test in Highschool or a C on my report card. That meant not focusing on doing homework or paying attention in general until then. I mean like seriously, things just sink in and I can retain any number of things as long as they interest me. And I've told people many times I couldn't give 2 shits about my report card grades, as long as I'm on honor roll and do well on my summative tests. In VA we have SOLs, and at my school we had MAPs. You know those tests that you get ranging 1 to 3 times, depending on severity, a year. I always do well, and finish faster than anyone that puts effort in. I mean my SOLs from eighth grade were some of the highest in the school. But back to course ( I'm bragging about genius too much) and I decided to get into a program called the Governor School that's available to those in Northern Virginia. This program basically is the perfect connection, and it's for eleventh and twelfth graders. This program would give me the connection to getting a good summer job and to get into MIT. There I'd join ROTC so that when I graduate I can instantly start working for the U.S. Military as an officer as some type of engineer. Now don't get me wrong I hate the United States, but it's a good stepping stone to start off at. And also when I say engineer I mean like weapons development or one of those guys that designs technology or vehicles for the military to have at their disposal. But back to what I was saying. When I finish my time serving as the president's lap dog, I'm going to put my true goals in motion. I'm going to build some corporation or become a high ranking and well known member of an already large corporation. That way I can use my gifts and at that point money to change the world to be better. Also I could just be like FUCK COLLEGE, and become some author that writes heartfelt books that schools will make students read or an author of books on philosophy. Or rather than building up or ranking up a corporation, I could go to work for Google. Now I won't be able to change the world the way I'd want to be able to, but I could live a really cushioned life. Or I could always go the easier way, attempt to become president of the United States. That is a position highly sought for no reason. The president can't do shit without the approval of 2 other branches of the government. But as president I could better use my ideals and hardships to change the world for what I'd consider the better. And no, I'm not some chauvinistic ass that thinks his ideas are superior, I honestly think that to be someone that changes the world you have to have suffered because of it first. And a lot of my ideas haven't been heard of by many, and no I'm not talking about my ideas on spirituality, I mean like my ideas on how to make the world better. And those that have been heard are actually ones that many support, I just have a different way of going around it.

Statistics

So I was bored and going through my stats on my blog. First thing is, DAAAYYYYUUUUUMMMMMM, the Adalia Rose post, the one that wasn't exactly bitching about her, but about all the controversy, got 48 views. I mean it said what people would google that lead me to my blog, about 5 of that is because people googled something to do with Adalia Rose. And in case it wasn't clear in the earlier post, I have nothing against Adalia Rose. I'm not one to judge. And I'd imagine that even though she looks like some wrinkly old creature you'd fend off with a stick in some apocalyptic future, she probably is beautiful on the inside. Second off, the biggest traffic source is some site called film hill. And something that really surprised me was when I found out that Chrome, Safari, and Internet Explorer are going neck and neck for what browser is used to view my blog. It's been getting more diversified, earlier Chrome made up about half of the browser use to view my blog.  Something that is highly unimportant, I've surpass 850 views, 1000 is my next milestone though. And my last thing to take note of is that someone that I don't happen to know in real life commented. I find it quite interesting. Of course what I find interesting is how she managed to find my blog. It  wasn't some post to do with Adalia Rose, it was the one titled "I Feel Played." Now I don't normally check the individual pageviews of my posts, it lists comments also, so I noticed it yesterday. She said I should read her blog, which I did. I read every single post. And I can honestly say, at first I thought it was a piece of shit. Just random, short posts that had no depth. I mean she had like 5 a day and they were each a sentence or two long and random topics. Now I know that I do random topics, but I at least make them long and I have it daily, so you don't overdose on my retarded posts. Back to the subject though, as I kept reading my interest continued to be piqued. I gotta say, after she started using a blog for what blogs are made for, expressing your emotions, it got interesting. And I decided I didn't waste my time. And I hope she does get to be with her crush, yes she is a lesbian. And if you are reading this Aza, you think you could tell me how you found my blog? My curiosity has no limit.

Here is her blog: http://azaparker.blogspot.com/The first 10 or so posts aren't that interesting and have no depth, but the newer ones are the ones you should be reading.

I Really Do Care

Some people may think to criticize me when I say I have a big heart. Mostly because most of my friends have never seen the side of me that cares for stuff. They normally see the hard shelled, sadistic, asshole that toys with everyone that he can. Well I'm shut off for a reason. Because I naturally want to see the good in a person, I'm too fast to care and can get naive and in over my head easily. Not many of my friends have seen the side of me that can cry. And most people that think they know me really don't. I can see the darkness within a person just as easily as I can see the good. But I ignore the darkness. And I know this is going to sound like some retarded spirituality shit and I don't know if I've done a post about this, but I can see people for who they are. I mean I just look at them and I unintentionally judge them. But not from what they look like, but from I don't know. I guess I read the aura without seeing it. But in 5 seconds I decide if I like someone. Most times I do like the person and I never act on the offensive first. But when someone does something that annoys me, or says something that insults me I let loose. That is the side of me that people know. The guy that has such a dark, twisted, and perverted sense of humor that he's normally either found creepy or scary. And the saying by the Cherokee, I honestly believe I feed Good better. People haven't seen him, and I don't intend to just show him off, but he gets fed the full diet. Evil gets fed half of what he needs. And I could go into all the things that describe me that support that claim but I doubt you'd want to read them. But in case you do I will post it, just at the bottom of this post.

But I can give one major example of how I truly do care for people sometimes, even the ones I hate or dislike. There is this one black guy at my school. He is a serious poser, I mean he talks shit all the time but pussys out the second he can. And he will act nice at one point and then be the king douche the next. But anyways, the worst I've ever done is say shit back at him after he's said stuff to me. And he uses the elementary insults where he just calls me something, he doesn't do any smart elaborate stuff because he's too stupid to. I use the smart ones. But he's told me some seriously fucked up stuff. Like he's told me I like to get sodomized by my own mother, and that I'm gay (his most common one), and that no girl likes me, and the most common tough guy thing, I can beat you up if I want to. Like this guy is a fat fuck (he's called me fat before also) who can't hold a bluff. And I mean no one likes him except like 3 guys. And only 1 of the guys in that crowd looks like he could fit in in real life. No girl likes him either. And I warn this guy to leave me alone 5 times in a conversation but he keeps bothering me. This retard has punched me straight to the face, and I just shrugged it off and kept eating. I already decided he's not worth getting in trouble to beat up. If he kept hitting me I definitely would have beat him up though. And I stand up and he runs off. Like I said he's a pussy ass poser. And this is why it's a good example. I have every reason to beat the shit out of him, but I don't even go so far as to hit him once. And this guy is a snitch to. Where the fuck is honor. If someone doesn't snitch on you you don't snitch on them. And if I wanted to I could have gotten him expelled for all the retarded shit he's said to me. I just don't. And when he kept bothering me I went to threatening him. And I told him even though I'd rather he live cause it'll be worse than death for him, I'd have to kill him because he'd snitch. He ended up blocking me when I was the one retaliating to his comments and harassment. Such a poser.






So here's the examples of how I feed Good : I live my life to have fun. Joy. I prefer to avoid conflicts. Peace. I'm actually quite caring and too willing to accept people have a good side. Love. I am always optimistic. Hope. I threw out my self respect the second I decided to do stupid stuff on camera. Humility. I'm barely ever the instigator of ill will, I let the other person act like the dick first. Kindness. I actually am quite honest with people, I only lie to my parents. Truth. And I was always good at reading peoples emotions. Empathy.

And here's the examples of how I feed Evil (The stuff in the ( ) is what shows I don't feed Evil that much of that helping):   I am what's known as a short fuse, Anger. I get jealous of people (not to the point of hating them, loathing is for losers), Jealousy. I am cheap (still share with people though), Greed. I tend to regret half the things I do leading to resent myself, Resentment. I have a horrible self-esteem ( I do pride myself in things but I doubt myself when something good happens to me), inferiority. I actually don't lie a lot, only to my parents so uh Lies can't apply to me. And I can't have an ego if I have self-esteem problems, that wouldn't make sense.So there, I've explained how I feed my wolves. Of course I think I just fucked myself over a bit after writing out and thinking over how I feed Evil. But anyways, this is such a long fucking post. And Evil and Good will always be fighting to win in me. But I know Good will win.

I Am Ze Little Scientist

So for about a week and a half, 2 weeks I haven't taken out my contacts. I forgot the first 2 days but then noticed my eye would not get red. So I'm like, Imma see how long it takes me to get even a tinge of red. Now on a couple of the nights my eyes would turn a little red, but after I got to sleep they went back to white. It was an interesting experiment and I was thinking, maybe I just haven't had a lot to eat recently. Cause the reason you take contacts out at night is because when left in they buildup protein around the contact that irritates the eye. And recently I haven't been eating as much. But last night my eye got splotches of red. Then this morning I looked in the mirror and it was pure. Now I had some left over medicated drops that are just like super eye drops so I plopped those in my eye after taking out my contacts. I'm pretty sure I just had something in my eye. But once I took out my right contact there were so many eye boogers just swarming in there that I had to rub out. Right now my eye still hurts a little but it's recovering. And I'm staring at my contacts in their solution. Note: I use a solution made with hydrogen peroxide that goes in a case where you can watch them get cleaned, different from the cases with wells that you soak the contacts in a solution. So anyways, they are covered in bubbles, and I only put in the right contact and it's been 10 minutes. I threw out the left because I had an extra left and I'm just like what the fuck might as well even it out, you are supposed to replace them every two weeks.

I Will Be A Famous Author

So I was staying up late watching stuff on Netflix and saw a documentary on what is technically the corruption that is religion. Religion can literally be used as a business. And I've had these views prior. Just watching the video gave me inspiration, even though I haven't been paying much attention to it. I decided to write myself a novel, it's going to be partially biographical but have it's own plot and really steers off of my life to give it more depth. Also because I could never reveal myself so deeply, even to my computer at the moment. But it's going to focus around religion. And I'm naming the book "Faith In Religion." Now I know what you're thinking, what the fuck. Well lemme just give you a summary. It's first person view through the eyes of Faith, a 21 year old boy that is oppressed by parents and formerly instructors for his different beliefs. He is an atheist. Now this is how it relates to my life because I'm going to have him with a similar motive not to believe in god and because atheist is as close to agnostic you can get. I think it's got the potential to show serious depth and become one of those books that people end up having to read in school because of the lessons. But people can be oppressed for what they believe. And religion may seem like a solution to many but it creates a problem more often. But seeing as I can't write just the first chapter, because I need to keep it all on a basic topic per chapter in my view of the need for chapters. It's the introduction, I've introduced Faith and given them a short biography. But it only takes 2 pages, it's not like re-sizing the pages will do everything you need. I got about 4 paragraphs.

My New Game To Play

I've been playing some new games ever since my brother got a new computer. One especially is Borderlands, my favorite by far. It's called a Role-Playing Shooter and runs on Steam. You can pick between four different characters. One is a siren ( like infiltration), beserker (muscly, runs up for melees), Soldier (Makes Turret, Use Rifles), and Hunter (has hawk, snipers). And it's actually pretty easy. I mean you run around working on quests and kill stuff, what more? I personally prefer the beserker. I just walk around with a shotgun that go frenzy and beat the shit out of people with my beast melees. But others prefer hunters because of the sniper proficiency. And of course a siren, perfect for any coward but probably hardest to level.

My Cheer Up Remedy I'd Post Blue's But Her's Is Far In My Chat History

So I have my own personal way to cheer up. While Blue's involves tea and crying mine is a giant explosion of activity and anger. I mean I just sit in my basement and then blast some bands. I prefer the loud ones with a serious dark side but I listen to upbeat also. Like G Eazy is a guy I listen to if I can't jump around. But when I can I listen to Hopsin, Blink 182, Papa Roach, etc. And I just jump around in my basement to go with the songs. Just loud blaring music that gets my heart pumping. And I jump a whole bunch. Just hop hop hop all over the place. I mean I've broken stuff by accident before while cooling off. But it always helps me relax. My other way is something that isn't hard and when it doesn't work it really means something is up. I play Mass Effect 3. Like I don't play it a lot. And I'm really good at it. But when I'm down I don't play so well, I still manage to do the best in my group though. But the reason it cheers me up is because it just picks up my spirits to know that compared to those people that have no life and play videogames all day, I'm still better than they are.

I Feel Played

I feel like an idiot. I feel like such an idiot. Like seriously, I get a girlfriend online. And I believe that it's not some person screwing with me. Well I don't think I'm going to do something like that again. Cause from what's recently happened I feel like I was some girl's plaything for a week. Nothing more. After we broke up she told me she still loved me. I believed her. Then I got worried and paranoid because I started to think about what people were saying to me. I ended up openly accusing her and 2 other "people" of toying with me. She got pissed off and I felt like shit about it. I kept apologizing but she wouldn't forgive me. And when we were in the chat room I said something and she decided to say I just want people to feel sorry for me. I said I wasn't, I hate pity, and it's something I've had on me for a while. And then she starts talking about her new "boyfriend" that I doubt exists. I got annoyed and we started fighting because she said other things because I was just not talking to her. I eventually threatened to post a skimpy picture I had of her online plastered across 4chan with a 16 and pregnant joke. I wasn't going to do it, I never would. But that set her off and apparently she decided to take a whole bunch of pills. Then she slit her wrists. And I felt like shit. But I have reason to doubt that any of this actually happened because I'd done a lot of thinking last night. And I read stuff on her "sister's" facebook and just found out her sister is a faker. The facebook was made using pictures of a model. Now there were only 300 friends which made it look fake but I now have no reason to believe a word I hear from them. And I'm going to be careful and avoid assholes like that that do things like what I've been forced to experience. Just my fucking luck, my first relationship was with a girl that wanted to toy with me.

My Parents Are Such Retards

My parents want to buy a house. This house happens to be farther up north (away from my new girlfriend they know nothing about) and is going to cost some money. My dad happens to think he has the money in stocks, which I think is a load of shit. And they are telling me I'm being spoiled because I don't even want to go and see the house. I know we're not going to move. My brother and I would never do it. I mean if they even bought the house I wouldn't budge, I'd be locked in my room. I can go a pretty good amount of time without food or water. I'm used to purposely starving myself when I'm pissed. This is just my fucking luck. Like I'll say this, I'm a lucky bastard that gets his ass bit by luck also. I mean like I'm so lucky that I've managed to find big bills on the road. And I do my retarded stunts and never get some serious damage done. But whenever something big for me happens, for example, me getting my first girlfriend who's hot as fuck. I end up getting bit in the ass with some horrible luck. Like I know that if they really wanted to they would force me to move, which they may do. But I had a little bad luck in the first place, I mean my first girlfriend lives two states away from me. And she's going to be moving to California soon, right in the middle of Compton. But I vchat with her, and her dad's trying to get custody. But I got dumped by her, after 2 days. I asked her if when we both 16 if she'd get back together with me cause then I'd be able to visit her. She said yes. But right now all I can think is FUCK MY LIFE especially cause that's a year and a half away. Cause I have to deal with some retarded ass parents. Like I'm so pissed I'm about to slam my head into my wall and get it stuck. And I don't like that, I've been stuck in my ceiling once when I was screwing around with a pull-up bar.

I Just Wish I Was Sixteen With Maybe A Moped

So knowing me I'm not going to get a license real easily. Like yea, once I'm fifteen and a half and I mean on the day I turn it I'm going to go in for a learner's permit. And the day I turn sixteen and a month I'm going to get a license, or try to. But that's still going to be hard. And a moped, which isn't exactly a motorized vehicle that can be pedaled, doesn't require a license. I just need to carry around an I.D. that says I'm 16 and not ride it on the highway. And what classifies a vehicle as a moped is the speed it can go up to and the weight and power of it. It can't be ridden above 30 mph though which is a total bummer, also I'm guessing why it can't be ridden on the highway. But I also want to drive a motorcycle, fuck cars they're too pricey and not enough fun. And riding a moped, like a mini bike, would prepare me for riding a motorcycle. And I need to do stuff to ride a motorcycle when I'm under 19. I was reading and if I'm 19 I just take a test to get the M mark on my
license. Under 19 I need to carry a learner's permit for motorcycles, which I don't get how that'd work, take and pass the test, and a couple other things. But motorcycles, and I guess minibikes, are a symbol of freedom. And once I'm 16 I'm buying a minibike from one of my friends and I'll have my learner's permit that qualifies as an I.D. cause it lists birthday. To just feel the wind hit you in the face and enjoy the open air that you can't while in a car, it's a dream come true for me. I live my life fast and risky. I mean like seriously, where's the enjoyment with a cheap car. I don't have 100,000 dollars just sitting around to buy a nice sports car with, so a motorcycle is the best option. And I have a job that's basically lined up for me. Like my grandfather and aunt work at a patent office. And they gave my brother a job there as an intern, so I just figure, I could get a job there to. Even though there's a limit on how many interns they can have, I'd be replacing my brother. The second he graduates high school I know he's out of here. Well then again, there's a 1 year gap.

My Rap Rap

Without inspiration my rhymes they be lacking

I do my best shit while I'm busy relaxing

And if you see me out there walking

Just come up and we can start talking

My rhymes they legit I don't do fake shit

And lemme stop you there before you bust your tits

I've gone through some serious hardships

But you wouldn't believe them, so fuck it

But I spit my rhymes hard, there's no other way

And I do my rhymes best, when I've had a bad day

They spill out of me like bad diarrhea

To the bad ones I gotta say seeya 

I hope my rappin moves me to the datin

And to all my niggas, just stop the fuckin hatin

At least I got the balls to do my rap

While you sit there admiring yo fat

You have no right to tell me I'm bad

When you don't rap, now that's just sad

Who is it ya comparin me to

Please let it be someone new

Cause mainstream rap, that's just shit

All it is is people that are fit

And they talk about drugs all day

And the hoes they get, the money they make

But I promise I'm not like that

But I may start rappin about my fat

See I'm not overweight, but I got a big gut
But my weights and exercise pulled me out of that rut

You niggas probly thinkin that I'm a nut
All I'll say to that is shut the fuck up
It's actually helped me build my skill
Cause when I hear the burns, I take it all chill
Then I let it flow out, I don't rage or shout
And I'd never be a bitch and start to pout
I hold in the anger, the love, the feel
So I can spit rhymes that I feel are real
I release some anger when I pump the iron
And I'll spit at you til' you feel on fire
Til the water can't heal the burn
And the major lessons you've learned
Don't fuck with me, I am the shit
So all you hatin bitches you can suck my dick.

This took me a number of hours spread out over 3 days. I think it's actually quite good. Obviously better than the last rap I wrote. And I don't feel like recording this one though. But I've spat it for a couple of my friends already. And I could write this like that cause it is inspired, I've been dry on the rapping so much lately. I would practice when I walked to friends houses. And I'd do that while I'm biking but I like to move my hands with it. Like the McDonalds the Pussy was only so good as I consider it because I'd released some of my pent up and ignored anger. That's how I do rather than whisper shouting stuff before I sleep. And seriously. Don't be hating on someone because they like to rap. And don't tell them they can't, especially if you don't rap yourself. Like seriously, who are you comparing them to. Nicki Minaj? Lil Wayne? Drake? I have a reason to dislike mainstream. I consider mainstream a sub genre because it's all about drugs, alcohol, money, and whores. And I know I've said this many times. Like Lil Wayne has done some serious rap but what does Drake have to rap about? Drake started his career off as an actor on Degrassi. He's set. He doesn't need rap. So his raps aren't gonna have much content. It's just going to be about his "glory" and how he thinks he's better than all of us.