I Think I've Been Overdue For A Rap

So my first gf she probably dead

And I never showed her my "skills" in the bed

And the guilt it's just eating me away

I've been scarred for life and to this day

But I'm still the bitch of just one other

That I love too much, but she doesn't bother

She don't return the feelings that I give

And I think she knows that she's a reason to live

And when I feel down I just think of her

She's the spark that gets my passion to burn

That smile that she brings to my face

And how I dream of just a taste

Of her lips, to feel her skin

Hopefully commit a certain sin

But that is left up to my dreams

My reality I know too well it seems

That I know she'd never feel for me

The way I do for her, I hope she sees

That I will persist in my ways

God I wish that she'd stayed

And didn't go to a different school

Over who else would I drool

Now I can't just admire the beauty

That is her, cause she's a cutey

I have to arrange to hang with her

With other friends, my life's a blur

That it can just fall apart

Then again, how did it start

This rap has some obvious inspiration. When I write these I feel that it's more of writing poetry, but when I read them I don't just read them I put it to a rhythm that I have in my head. Of course to me music, and yes I consider rap and hip hop music, is just an extended form of poetry. And that sanctity is torn apart when it becomes people bragging. But I do think my "ex" is dead, and I stopped talking to her "sister" so there's no way for me to ever know for sure. And I do basically go back to the one other girl besides Blue I can honestly say I love. No matter what, I always go back to having her in my dreams. And if I were to be kissed by her, not even on the lips, I'm almost certain I'd faint. Of course it'd be with a smile on my face and I wouldn't have to worry about pain. I'd be so drugged up on my euphoria I could get shot and not notice. And I mean I have done such stupid things like just jumping backwards out of joy and landing hard on linoleum and just getting back up. I'm really tough. And if only I looked more like someone she could use as arm candy, even though I don't think she's that shallow I know she'd be more interested if I was some guy that she could show off. The only problem is, I'm not exactly some hotty. I got muscles and I dress well. But what wins people over is my personality. And I've really slimmed down my gut, I can now say I'm not fat. It only looks big when I'm doing situps. And I don't know what pushed me to write this. I was listening to Kristy, Are You Doing Okay? By The Offspring. Then all of a sudden I started thinking of my "ex" and I just started feeling sad. I don't know why. I just like related to what was being mentioned in the song, maybe the innocence lost part. I have never been raped and I doubt I ever will, and I've never been molested either. But it's not that people don't care, it's that I don't want to burden them with it. I've burdened Blue with it but that's all. And I had to stop and come back to this because I randomly started crying. And I mean big tears, sobbing, snot dripping, and headaches. And I haven't cried like that for about 6 years. And I don't know why.

Kristy, Are You Doing Okay : The Offspring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=AULaJdMPmIw
It's just this song ^ makes me cry. I don't know why. At all. But I didn't even need to watch a video or anything. I knew what happened from listening to the first few seconds of the song. But when I switched to a different song, although still sad and by the same band (uncommon for a punk rock band) I was fine. I just finished some sniffles.