I Really Do Care

Some people may think to criticize me when I say I have a big heart. Mostly because most of my friends have never seen the side of me that cares for stuff. They normally see the hard shelled, sadistic, asshole that toys with everyone that he can. Well I'm shut off for a reason. Because I naturally want to see the good in a person, I'm too fast to care and can get naive and in over my head easily. Not many of my friends have seen the side of me that can cry. And most people that think they know me really don't. I can see the darkness within a person just as easily as I can see the good. But I ignore the darkness. And I know this is going to sound like some retarded spirituality shit and I don't know if I've done a post about this, but I can see people for who they are. I mean I just look at them and I unintentionally judge them. But not from what they look like, but from I don't know. I guess I read the aura without seeing it. But in 5 seconds I decide if I like someone. Most times I do like the person and I never act on the offensive first. But when someone does something that annoys me, or says something that insults me I let loose. That is the side of me that people know. The guy that has such a dark, twisted, and perverted sense of humor that he's normally either found creepy or scary. And the saying by the Cherokee, I honestly believe I feed Good better. People haven't seen him, and I don't intend to just show him off, but he gets fed the full diet. Evil gets fed half of what he needs. And I could go into all the things that describe me that support that claim but I doubt you'd want to read them. But in case you do I will post it, just at the bottom of this post.

But I can give one major example of how I truly do care for people sometimes, even the ones I hate or dislike. There is this one black guy at my school. He is a serious poser, I mean he talks shit all the time but pussys out the second he can. And he will act nice at one point and then be the king douche the next. But anyways, the worst I've ever done is say shit back at him after he's said stuff to me. And he uses the elementary insults where he just calls me something, he doesn't do any smart elaborate stuff because he's too stupid to. I use the smart ones. But he's told me some seriously fucked up stuff. Like he's told me I like to get sodomized by my own mother, and that I'm gay (his most common one), and that no girl likes me, and the most common tough guy thing, I can beat you up if I want to. Like this guy is a fat fuck (he's called me fat before also) who can't hold a bluff. And I mean no one likes him except like 3 guys. And only 1 of the guys in that crowd looks like he could fit in in real life. No girl likes him either. And I warn this guy to leave me alone 5 times in a conversation but he keeps bothering me. This retard has punched me straight to the face, and I just shrugged it off and kept eating. I already decided he's not worth getting in trouble to beat up. If he kept hitting me I definitely would have beat him up though. And I stand up and he runs off. Like I said he's a pussy ass poser. And this is why it's a good example. I have every reason to beat the shit out of him, but I don't even go so far as to hit him once. And this guy is a snitch to. Where the fuck is honor. If someone doesn't snitch on you you don't snitch on them. And if I wanted to I could have gotten him expelled for all the retarded shit he's said to me. I just don't. And when he kept bothering me I went to threatening him. And I told him even though I'd rather he live cause it'll be worse than death for him, I'd have to kill him because he'd snitch. He ended up blocking me when I was the one retaliating to his comments and harassment. Such a poser.






So here's the examples of how I feed Good : I live my life to have fun. Joy. I prefer to avoid conflicts. Peace. I'm actually quite caring and too willing to accept people have a good side. Love. I am always optimistic. Hope. I threw out my self respect the second I decided to do stupid stuff on camera. Humility. I'm barely ever the instigator of ill will, I let the other person act like the dick first. Kindness. I actually am quite honest with people, I only lie to my parents. Truth. And I was always good at reading peoples emotions. Empathy.

And here's the examples of how I feed Evil (The stuff in the ( ) is what shows I don't feed Evil that much of that helping):   I am what's known as a short fuse, Anger. I get jealous of people (not to the point of hating them, loathing is for losers), Jealousy. I am cheap (still share with people though), Greed. I tend to regret half the things I do leading to resent myself, Resentment. I have a horrible self-esteem ( I do pride myself in things but I doubt myself when something good happens to me), inferiority. I actually don't lie a lot, only to my parents so uh Lies can't apply to me. And I can't have an ego if I have self-esteem problems, that wouldn't make sense.So there, I've explained how I feed my wolves. Of course I think I just fucked myself over a bit after writing out and thinking over how I feed Evil. But anyways, this is such a long fucking post. And Evil and Good will always be fighting to win in me. But I know Good will win.