Eliminate the Hate

I've found it really hard to grasp the concept of hate. It's just never been a part of me. I can express it, but at this point it's normally impossible for me to hold a grudge. You can ask anyone that knows me well, I'm quite the forgiving person, and normally on my worst day me using "hate" isn't serious. I can hate a person though, but it fades. I just stop talking to them as much, stop associating with them, and normally by the time I comeback they suit my personality better. I'm not trying to say they have to. If I ever hear someone tell another person they have to change for him/her and not themselves, I will casually walk up and beat the shit out of the person. I just naturally like people I guess. It makes it hard for me to move on from people though. If I genuinely like a girl, not just cause she's a pretty face, I'm never going to be over her. Every time I think I'm over them, something always comes to smack me in the face. Earlier today, around 4 in the morning, I was checking on something because I was thinking of eventually hitting up a girl to chill, but where I was checking the first thing I see is Her. I instantly feel that torrent of emotion that haunts me. Hate is just as strong a word as love. I can dislike someone as long as I want, but it never moves past that and it always eventually reverts back to neutrality or more. Take Twerky for example. I'll admit it. I miss talking to her, and there's the day that I think about talking to her again. But I know it's too late to do that. I don't know if she read my bitch post about her, but it doesn't seem like she's missed me. Or the girl that had the guts to tell me off for who I associate with. I found that even though I was sorely pissed at her for a month or so, my thoughts about her continued to revert back to usual, especially when I saw her at a party. I was genuinely surprised to get a hello and that she was nice with me. I guess you can say distance builds longing for me faster than your usual person. I'm not the neediest person, but I build a connection fast. Stress on that connection just creates a bigger pull. I just wish I could cut love out of my life sometimes, but I've also realized how vital it is to everyday than I may think. The way I define love at least. I'll just have to take what I learned from movies on Netflix and end with this. I choose to be happy now, even though I know at the end of the day I will have a tear for her, I better enjoy the time spent without one.