Why Live In The Present

So to be honest with myself, I've been living in the past for a good amount of months. It's not that hard to live in the present though. Not when the past is a memory of a happier time. Not when the past is when I still had Blue and I wasn't just an annoyance to her. I'd say because today is officially the end of my school year with my last final being taken today so I should start new, but that's not going to happen. There's not going to be a "new me" just poof out of nowhere. It's going to be gradual. This summer is going to be horrible for me, because it's going to be a summer spent without Blue. Last summer I had her to talk to almost everyday. This summer I'm going to try to restrain from stepping into her life and bothering her more. Hopefully at the start of the next school year she'll be in some of my classes. That'd be nice. But I'm not ready for the summer because I'm going to spend it without her. I'm going to not be able to manage. Atleast when I had school I'd see her in person, not like it matters, we didn't talk because I couldn't hold a conversation and I'm pretty sure she didn't want to have a conversation. But school was also a distraction. This summer, 16 hours of the day is probably going to be spent sleeping away the pain. Just who am I kidding though. For atleast the past 3 months she probably was just too nice to tell me she doesn't want me to talk to her anymore. I can't say I didn't see it coming. But there were points where it seemed like it wasn't coming anymore. Like the night before she cut things off and pretty much told me to fuck off. We were making jokes about a meme I found in my Newsfeed on Facebook. Maybe she was just letting me enjoy my last night talking to her. She gave me a hint that night. Made an update saying "Silent for too long" or something like that. I asked silent about what and she says "Spit". She was saying is it not obvious? Just like how when she thought I was the only one that read her blog, and after she had said she wasn't going to post anymore, she made a post titled "Spit" with some rips. I really didn't think it was me because of the last few lines. I hate fighting with her, I will fight for her but not with her. I also have put myself beneath her and at her mercy for awhile. I may play the egotistical ass card a lot with other people, but I don't really place myself above many people. There's some that I do, I'll admit that. But I have my own reasons, and it's human nature to rank people as your equal, lesser, or better. But I guess things are final, I saw her yesterday after my final and she just walked by. I was gonna wave or smile like I normally do when I see her, but I thought what's the point. And she didn't wave either, at me or her other friend that I was talking with she just walked by as if we weren't there. She passed us twice. I do feel mad at her. I really shouldn't be though. The only thing I should be mad about is that she gave up so early, something that I'd known for awhile.