Everything's A Haunting Memory

I'm not reposting the "I love you"s because I didn't have anything to add to it and I had a nice break from posting so it's 3 posts behind. I felt fine yesterday. On Monday Blue talked to me, but it wasn't cause she regretted what she did. It's cause she was annoyed with my blabbing. I messaged her like every other day asking her to stop this. I stopped messaging her after that though. Then yesterday and the day before yesterday I felt genuinely happy and calmed, but that wasn't gonna last long. Just everything seems to remind me of her. Besides the fact that my wall is covered in blue handprints I made one day, there's sentiment to everything I see. Food coloring, FOOD COLORING, that reminds me of her. It was last summer where I was gonna stop by her house and chill a bit. Any reader that's been reading for awhile would know about that because I made a post talking about how great it was. Well I wanted to bring her something "blue" related. So I was gonna bring her blue food coloring to make all of her food blue with. I couldn't find it of course, instead I brought a box of blueberry poptarts. Then there's my Xbox. I can't even think to play Halo because even though I never played it with her, it was one of her favorite games for Xbox. My copy of the Orange Box that I got, just to play with her, I sometimes want to just break. It's not even the right copy.What I'm saying is, my mind is pretty much in shreds. Just so many things to remind me of when things were better. So many things that inflict sentiment that is only painful because of how far I've fallen. I reread her blog today also. Not everything. But a couple of select posts. Some made me cry. Like the one where she felt hurt by Carlie. No Carlie's a guy. But she was hurt enough to declare her giving up on love, something that never lasted long. I hope things even out for me, but until then this summer is probably going to be miserable. I need to start drawing again.