I Seek My Perfection

So with me the term "perfect" can't be defined by one person. I think perfection is when someone is operating at their peek, something that is highly dependent on mood. It's why some people from stories are so unbelievable, because they're either pure evil or pure good. There's nothing in-between. In reality everyone has both things seeping into them and it's dependent on mood. You can't have a truly successful superhero if he were perfect, because he'd get boring. With me though, I find my current image of perfection to be when I'm actually involved with things. Where I cook 5 of the dinners my family eats every week. Where I lift weights everyday. Where I can talk to people normally. Things that are just memories at this point. Memories of a better time. For like a month I've only be lifting weights 3 of the 6 days I should. I barely ever cook a meal. I'm just a scrap of what I used to be. I've fallen and regressed to a slobbier point in my history. Honestly though, I feel like things are turning around. I've worked harder on ignoring feelings that have made me inept in being social with Blue. It kind of worked out. I still tend to be annoying with her or the conversation will die. But I can make one last also. I think when things get back to "normal" I'll be happy again. I just hope my current situation doesn't become normal for me. I guess you could say it is, it's been a month or so. Seriously though, I want it to go back to me lifting daily and cooking daily. Most of all I want it to go back to me talking to Blue more often but some of that is up to her. I've pretty much scared her, she's going to be reluctant to get too close to me in a conversation.