Bitches Give Up

So I'm back in a depressive state. I saw a picture of her with Storm Troopers and ended up feeling like shit when I saw her smile. She just looked so happy, and I used to be able to make her happy. More I felt guilty because I made her unhappy for atleast two months and probably made her feel trapped. I've been spending so long trying to get what I lost with her, something that I probably lost back in April. Most likely earlier. When I think about it she only let things go as they did up until the last day of school out of respect for what we used to have. But things were driven one sided for a lot of that time, and it would've been better if she did what she did earlier rather than later. It's pointless to have one person working towards a goal that involves two, and needs those two people to be trying. So I'm stuck here thinking, it's obviously not going to come back unless she tries. But I can't get her to try, atleast not directly. I don't think whatever I had with her, and any chance I may have had with her, can be gotten back because of that. Things are stuck one sided. But why do I still try, still hope? I know myself, and on my darkest day I don't give up, especially not on something like this. We never went past friends, well technically I did but she didn't, but sometimes it feels like we went even further. But I believe I've gone crazier than I was before. Despite me not giving up I end up having a fit of anger at myself and at the memories I have with her. I just go and remove anything that I may have even slightly shared with her. I already ended up removing all the comments on her blog. I refuse to remove all her comments on my facebook. But I just, I don't know. I'm not giving up, but I just can't take the haunting memory of what I used to have. I just feel like removing things from my memory. Like I could just block out all the good times I had with her. But I can't. It's just like how I won't remove the stuff she's commented on my facebook. I've reread her blog thousands of times too just because it's from when things were nicer. The last few posts aren't, but in whole it is. I still have the Kandi bracelet she gave me, and the stuffed cupcake I got for my birthday. I can't even destroy that. Just as much as I want to destroy the memories, I'm still fighting to hold onto them. I wish I could've held onto her, maybe convinced her giving things a chance was worth it. Yes yes, I'm drowning in a sea of regret, but who doesn't do that at least once in their life.