Where Have Things Gone

So besides my current indecision about whether I should go back to using the name "Blue" for her or just stick with referring to in third person, I'm stuck deciding what I should do in general. I don't know if I should try to fix things at all, or let time work it's magic, or just give up for the first time. I've talked to a friend about it and he said I should atleast just wait, not just to try to get my bestfriend back but if I feel like I should pursue her as a love interest also. I remember she and I were talking about why we were drifting apart and she said it was because she is more mature at this point than I am. I honestly would beg to differ. Even though girls psychologically mature at a faster rate than guys do, she's almost a full year younger than I am. And her relationships don't normally last long. Her first boyfriend I don't remember how long but I believe it lasted only 2 months. Her next one lasted about that long also. This topic wasn't a solitary topic but is being accompanied by multiple other topics to talk about. I'm amazed I'm not a fatass again. In fact people have been saying I'm looking thinner. I even got weighed at the doctor's two days ago and I was under my average. This is me weighing under my average and looking thinner when I spent the whole summer Dota binging and sleeping a shit ton. I probably only managed to stay light because of my weird ass eating habit that I developed, having to eat every fifteen minutes but small amounts. Continuing on with the agenda, my weightlifting. My arms are still my bulky prides, so are my pecs (man boobs). They're not the biggest but they're not the smallest. I'd say it's because I still lift weights every week, even though it's a reduced amount. I find it odd that I have even managed to lift that much. Me lifting weights was always about me having someone to do it for, someone I felt I should protect, someone I wanted to impress with them. I'd always think of them when I lifted and it gave me the drive I needed. But when you run out of crushes except one girl that things are contorted and complicated with, it get's hard to find that drive again. Especially since she doesn't care about muscles. I always did it because I felt like I had to be there to protect her if I needed to, but I was being pushed away. Last but not least, school. The last few weeks of summer are the ones I've legitimately enjoyed. I started hanging out with this one girl that it was always either I was head over heels or hated her. I started getting out of my house again. I just feel newly invigorated. But now the summer ends and school, sadly, starts. Normally I'd be excited, and believe me I do have stuff to look forward to, but my first time being happy for more than an hour or so in at least four months is happening during the summer, I kind of want to hold onto it. Besides that I also have been talking to my brother's friends, they all told me my best memories are going to be of Highschool. Well I guess I'm just even more unique than I thought before. My best memories were in eighth grade, I didn't create that many memories in freshman year. I hope I make some memories this year. Then I have seeing her to look forward to. Hopefully it's something I should be looking forward to. Then there's all my other friends, a big black guy, this girl I know that's tempermental, etc etc. I have a feeling that this year is going to be good. But that's what I had a feeling about last year. During the school year the upbeatness of a person slowly gets drained as the pressure from school weighs down on them. And seeing as I'm just newly upbeat again, my friends are saying I've been a total dick lately which means I am upbeat, I don't know how fast the pressure from school is going to get to me. I just hope me being a laidback asswipe lasts longer than it did last year. I would like to be less of a dick in public though, I still need to have friends.