Such A Mess

I've felt like a mess ever since she up and left

Day goes by day one seeming like the rest

I guess, I'm just waiting for the end

Hoping for happy but I'll wait til' then

The smile slowly fades even though it's there

Shining bright but corrupted by despair

Twinkle in my eye is there no more

Ever since, she walked out the door

I didn't want much but still can't blame her

But I got hasty I ruined things out of fear

Fear that she'd leave

And now I have my answer

Hope she comes back

But worried that I lost her

She could be gone for good, but I hope no

Optimism ends when her silence stays so

If she came back, I'd stay in two

Just waiting in fear that her leaving comes through

That she'd leave again

That'd break me further

I can't take more ache

It'd feel like a murder

Killing my spirit for a second time

But time heals wounds so I should be fine

On this lonely path, I'll find another

May take awhile but why bother

I've been stuck waiting for what never happens

But when I try acting, dissapointment sets in

Either I'm held back with old feelings

Or can't ask a question, so I'm stuck healing

From my wounds from the past and present

Hope's running out cause I see no happy end

But when the end is nigh I want a blaze of glory

Burning me into hearts that'll know my story

Of the boy that led his sad life

No worse than others but no better just right

I leave my mark with the things that I do

No matter how small they could mean a thing to you

Or at least did and you know who you are

And with you I could've gone far

But I screwed up and I missed my shot

Never noticed what I had, when I did I fought

To keep you here but sadly you left

And now my life, as you see,is a mess